The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Beatty, the other term for is is "press of speech"or "pressured speech". It can be symptomatic of a manic episode, Wernicke's, schizophrenia and other schizoid illnesses

sharyn - lots of interesting wildlife. Love pronghorns. Hope your time with your sis works out and you have fun at the BBQ with other family. Sorry to hear about your bro's experience. I trust he came out of it OK.

Beatty - Scottish Lochs and mountains are beautiful . I miss them. Re excessive talking Dd has a bit of that recently having had her Wellbutrin upped.. I will feed that back to her - saw it yesterday very clearly and she normally is anything but a chatterbox. Has your relative had any meds changes? I have seen it related to anxiety.

Lots of smoke here from BC fires.

Just planning for the inevitable and the future, noting of urgency. Dad is in semi OK health but changes all the time up and down. My concern is if he has to go into a facility. It's just me and my wife here, Sibling in another state family in yet another state.
If dad has an event that will require long-term or permanent care what do I do? I have had one family member with cancer we brought to live with us but was sort lived until hospice. At the same time, another was in a state across the country with a stroke that required permanent assignment to a NH. The latter had no financial resources but we lucked out with a great state and great facility that took time but not many resources from us. With dad's different story, our state is expensive and he has no resources except for SSI. No house or retirement. He has good medical insurance. My concern is he won't be able to afford the facilities here and will go to a county facility which I have been in and wouldn't even think of putting him there. The only option is a Masonic facility in the state we came from and he is still a member. It will be far from family A few an hour away but for children many hours away. They may be able to help with finance. Has anyone had to deal with placement far away. Just trying to prepare mentally and financially. He's OK now but we don't have a house that is conducive to a nonambulatory person. What do I do then?
He is slowing down, more work for us now that he cant drive. Had 4 weeks alone and it was great. Back to our house being shared.... cooking food that he doesn't like (not his favorite), If you don't pay for the food, cook it, or prep it, you don't have a voice. He does not contribute to the household. I pay for everything except his going out and his immediate bills.
I pay for all the living expenses except his cell phone that my sibling pays for..... $45. a month whoo hoo.....

tg - Happy you and your wife had 4 weeks alone!

mother was in facilities 5 hrs drive away. It wasn't a problem. I kept in very close contact with staff and drove or flew down there as needed for meetings and visits. My sister was in Scotland so she didn't visit often.

As far as financials go, we have a different system here in Canada so mother was able to be in good facilities as low cost to her. If the Masonic lodge is affordable I would opt for that. He will be among buddies which he likes. Does it take Medicaid? As I understand it, that is the resource for people in the US needing facility care and not having enough financial resources for self pay.

Are there other facilities nearer which take Medicaid? You might want to look into that.

I am so glad you are planning for this transition for your dad. You and your wife have had a very heavy load with him in your home.

Tg, glad to hear from you!

I think you are making some assumptions about what facilities Medicaid will pay for. I wonder if visiting an eldercare attorney familiar with your state might be a good thing to do while you are in planning mode.

I believe I knowmthe Masonic facility you speak
of:

https://www.masonicare.org/resources/financial-options.

It appear they accept Medicaid.

Also, here is a list of New Hampshire Nursing Homes that accept Medicaid:

https://aptible.familyassets.com/nursing-homes/new-hampshire


Your local Area Agency on Aging might b ht also have good information.

Tg, I have heard of many that do ok with elders in NHs far from them, even other states. A lot can be organised via phone but of course visiting becomes hard, more costly in time & money. Of course you may wish to visit your Father a lot more than a distant, hardly met Aunt, Uncle or Cousin.. Go for the best acceptable local choice imho.

When I move to my beach shack I can tell you now I will not be providing indoor accommodation for any guests. They can camp in my yard & cook on the bbq go 5 star in a hotel - their choice.

I am caring for my sister who lives in Florida who has Parkinson's and Alzheimer's Diseases. I am POA for two and a half years for my sister, and I live in New York. My sister has four sons, two of whom live in New York, and one live in Texas, and they have not contacted me to find out how their mother was doing. I've hired the best support care her lack of sufficient money provides even though she is fully covered for home care by her insurance. I hired a very nice lady who lives two houses away from her and took care of her part time for three and a half years, and did me the favor of taking care of her full time with whatever money was left after bill payments.

My problem is with her four sons, especially the almost 60 year old who migrated to the US five years ago with his wife and two daughters, one handicapped and the other people describe as "weird". They are 23 and 25 years old and stay in the house for weeks at a time and have no friends. They all live in my sister's house free, only pay the $80 water bill. He cooks for himself and his two daughters and has never offered his mother a plate of food nor a cup of tea. He states his mother is responsible for keeping a roof over his head even though he is employed full time in security.

About a week ago, he downloaded a Power-of-Attorney form, filled it out, called in a mobile notary public, and had his handicapped daughter witness his signature and the notary was the second witness. He named his 23 year old daughter as Co-Agent to care for my sister in case he is incapacitated and fired the caregiver. This 23-year-old has never held a job before. His Power-of-Attorney states he has to be compensated for his services. My sister offered to pay me but I never took a dime from her. There was no money left after paying her bills and for support care.

I filed a complaint with DCF and they are investigating. In the meantime, he was told by DCF and several sheriffs that his POA was invalid because my sister did not have the capacity to make decisions. The Notary Public was also informed that my sister did not have the capacity to understand what he was asking of her but went ahead and had her sign the Power-of-Attorney. My nephew has continued to distribute the invalid POA to everyone involved in the medical care of my sister and financial institutions. He has sent a "Cease and Desist Demand" for harassment and threatened to bring criminal charges against me if I tried to contact "his residents".

My sister has been in hospice care and I was told she needed 24/7 support care. A few months ago she told me in front of witnesses that I should sell her house and use the equity to pay for her support care, to which I agreed. We signed contract with a buyer, but my nephew has used his Power-of-Attorney to block the sale after I gave him an eviction notice. The closing was this past Monday. Now he has my sister as a prisoner in her own home and no one else is allowed to communicate with her except his family. He refused to pay the caregiver for the first two weeks of July 2021, and told her she should look to me to pay her. He blocked me from my sister's bank accounts using his Power-of-Attorney.

I know this is long, but I tried to fit everything in so you can have a sort of full picture of my plight.

I am in a very dysfunctional family. I am currently caring for my 75 year old father. He is an alcoholic and smokes so finding help has been very difficult. 2 years ago, my father lost his wife and he has lost his will to do anything. He sits in his chair, refuses to leave the house. My brother spent the last 17 years avoiding my father and step mother. Pure hate and anger have been displayed that entire time.

The second my step mother died, my brother showed up and said that he wanted to help me with my father and other things. My father inherited a lot of money from my grandparents estate on my step mother's side. I was happy to have the support from my brother because we have always tried to keep a close relationship. The week of the funeral, he constantly asked me what needs to be done. Because both my parents were alcoholics, the house was a complete disaster. I was so frustrated because you could clearly see what needed to be done. By the end of the week, the horrible words and vile comments from my brother to my Dad, my husband and I had to make him leave.

My brother's only concern was about my father's money. Little did he know that it had already been set up in a trust and all decisions were made about the will. He became very angry at me about that and I told him that if he wanted to know, he had to talk to my father.

My father's best friend, a younger man who loves to help, moved in with my father a few months after my mother had died. He has helped me in caring for my father because my home is 2 states away. He shops for my father, drives him to appointments when I am unable to take him. He has been a great support. Unfortunately, my brother has visited several time and has been trying to get him to plant cameras around the house. Telling him that he thinks my father is loosing his mind and needs to be spied on. When he refused my brother, my brother became angry. Upon hearing angry words, my father got out of bed and asked what happened, his roommate told him and my brother called him a liar. Long story short, there is now terrible stress upon my father and myself.

I now spend most of my time here. My father is so depressed and has been drinking more. He is sad about my brother but feels that all my brother cares about is his money. He gets up and sits in his chair, only eats when I force him to eat then goes to bed. He only watches news on tv, and we have tried and tried to interest him in other things. His will to live his life is gone. He has not directly said he wants to die but he does not want to do anything to live.

What a mess I am in. For the last 2 years my brother only speaks to me with, what he feels are, emergency complaints - most of which are about my dad's friend taking advantage of him and that my father is loosing his mind. Because I spend so much time with my father I know that over the last 2 years these things are not true. 49 years of love and support with my brother are now gone. He has not spoken a word, outside of messages about my father, to me since the funeral. I have tried many times to reach out to him but he refuses. My daughter was very close to him and he has told her how horrible I am and that I am a complete liar. She has had to stop talking to him now. My heart is so very sad. I had hoped that my father and brother would heal their relationship and now it has ripped our entire family apart. My brother has even rejected our birth mom, who lives with me and my husband. So very, very sad.

HI all. Just checking in. I am not caught up. I was using computer on job. So hard to post on phone. Eventually I will dust of my lap too and start posting regularly. I hope you all are well. I miss you all. I work two 16hour shifts Sunday and Monday and when I'm off I run errands and by the time I get back up stairs I'm not in mindset for finger typing. The drama co continues. Things happened this week which caused turmoil. My mothers meds were 3weeks ahead of refill I was checking her pressure regularly and it was actually a little high for her norm at times. I told the new aide and old one. The older aide was upset and day when I came down saying that the agency informed her that one of the daughters complained that the aides were over dosing my mother. She was so stressed and when I learned this it bought me to tears. This woman was afraid for her job. My sister was not Involved with the meds since she exposed her self for not giving meds for over a month because she could not refill and did not inform the guardianship or t as keep her herself. So now this over medication is her redemption and a subtle cue of an insufficiency on my part for monitoring. I was going to ask for higher dosage and I was also thinking possibilities of shortage of pills sometimes I am short. Anyways this had a negative affect on the Aides and the spirit of her care. The older aide believed it was me. Then seeing my reaction knew better. When I called this morning I learned the call came in from the guardianship by way of complaint from my sister. She let aide believe it was me. Then after I'm explaining how this caused untowards and I communicated this the aide says my sister was telling other aide who left that this was her house overand over. The aide supposedly left because my mother beat her up for short wording but when I spoke to supervisors they both said non of the aide had complaints. Eva the older aide told me she leftcausenmy mother ruffled her up. Any BBC way we could have lostbonebofbthe best things my mother has had since she has gotten dementia. I was upset because I have waited this long for intervention and my sister is undermining it while smiling. Not bbn to mention th as t first dsybaide says she needs to help out with meds I come down and shower head is turned to wet me. Then the next day my tooth brush which has been under sink was filled with brown stuff. Last week I threw up badly I now wonder if it was her action. Well I keep tooth paste and brush with me now. So that is it. I didnt think I would finger tap this far. I just took the second part of vaccine today. Had negative energy that day also where agency called and said I quit. It was a welcome outcome except for the long straight hours. Travel is well. My psyche is so dysfunctional that I am still adjusting this third week and I am using this as excuse for not reaching goals in my room. A viscous cycle. Seems my goal is to make it through this 4p to 8am. Then my next focus is to cook a few things I can save for lunch laundry and grocery.
I really miss you all. Sharyn I hope they caught that badger.
Im not caught up. My heart and love to you all.

Mycaksenthings, your brother seems to have same spirit as my sister. My sister doesnt care about my mother she just wants what she has. It's hard to believe and accept. It's so sad.
This evil spirit of my sister causes so much distress and duress. It interferes with the peaceful cohesive energy that is now in the house. It will never end. And she has poisoned my nephews and who ever she can mesmerize.
It's so sad we have to live with hatred and ugliness. This is why I keep God in my life and my heart. I a lot of skeletons but I have never intentionally done anything to hurt because of my faith.
Be strong out there and stay in prayer it works.

DDDuck,

All those things happening like with your toothbrush and the showerhead could be your mother's doing. Dementia behaviors are strange and bizarre. Or from what you've said about your sister, she does not sound like a person who would be above taking such petty actions either.
As for your sister, well someone needs to make her understand that if there's too much trouble caused with the aides, the company they will work for will make your mother pay the price because they will drop her from their service. If your mom is being physically abusive to the aide because she thinks she spoke shortly, well that would be something you'd have to take up with your mother. As for aides and "ruffled feathers" as you put it, let me tell you something. Us caregivers don't have our feathers ruffled very easily because we know what we're dealing with when it comes to elderly clients.
When the agency tells you an aide did not have any complaints, always assume that they're lying. I was an in-home caregiver for almost 25 years. Many of those years were with agency employment and I can say for a fact that the "office" staff of a homecare agency will blatantly lie about such things as aides making complaints. They don't concern themselves with the environments they send their caregivers into. Their only concern is making sure they put a worker in a house and collect the money. Talk to your mother's caregivers yourself, in person and find out what's really going on.
As for your sister and her exerting her authority over your mother's caregivers about it being "her house". She needs to understand that it's never a good idea to piss off the aides too much because mom depends on them for her care. If they go and the agency stops sending more, everyone will be up sh*t's creek without a paddle because then the caregiving falls to you and your sister.
I have walked off more than one job myself over the years because of bad behavior from client families.
I had an elderly client with a daughter who was very much like your sister. She did absolutely nothing for her elderly mother even though she lived in her house and didn't work. She'd start up with her demands and disrespectful behavior which I normally just ignored. I did everything for her mother and even ran personal errands for her to help out because she didn't drive.
One morning I was late coming in because of bad weather. She flipped out about her mom being left in a soiled diaper and all. She went too far. I told her she can clean her mother up and I walked away leaving the mother exactly as I found her.
The daughter caught up with me at my car, apologized and begged me to come back. So I told her my pay just went up ten percent a week permanently or I don't come back. There was another arrangement as well. That if she had an issue with something that she was to inform me in writing and that I would take it into consideration.
No one would work for these people and I knew it. Your sister needs to tread lightly with the aides or everyone could find themselves out of luck.

DDuck, there has been no siting of the badger since July 3rd, I’m thinking it left the subdivision.

I left for California on Thursday arriving at my sisters around 2:30 pm. We had a great time, stayed up until 2:30 am the first night and 3:30 am the second night, just laughing and talking. On Friday we went to the Sierras where we camped every summer growing up. There was a bad fire up there 2 years ago that burned down one of the lodges and several cabins plus a store. They have rebuilt yet but have a portable building fore the store and one for a bar. We went up to Kennedy Meadows where I bought 2 shirts for the boys. We got back to my sisters house around 6 pm. Saturday my sis in love had a family bbq with about 20 people all family. My brother is a bit on the frail side from his most recent hospitalization. He is very alert, following the conversations around him, answering questions. It was great to see everyone again and catch up with each other. I left Sunday morning to come home, heavy smoke on Donner Summit from the complex fire.

Im still not fully recovered from all the driving and late nights. Each day I feel better so hoping tomorrow I will be back to normal. I came home with 3 plants, an orchid my sister bought for me, a Chinese evergreen and serenity lily sis had taken clippings from plants in her work office and rooted at home. These 2 plants from clippings are poisonous to cats so I have them in a bedroom that gets morning light. My two kitties do try to nibble on plants. My other plants are non toxic for them if they should eat any of the leaves.

Golden, I’m sorry to hear about your sweet pumpkin. I think it is harder losing a fur baby this way as opposed to having them put down as we don’t truly know what happened to them.

take of yourself everyone and God BlessXx.

I'm 54 years old and recently travelled across the country to help with the caregiving of my 85 year-old father who is terminally ill and in home hospice care. I've read in all the end of life literature about anger outbursts and other abusive behaviors that are part of the progression of the disease but it's so hard for me to accept that completely because the behavior I'm seeing and experiencing is what I've always known from him. He could be the sweetest man one minute and turn on a dime. It's the same now and magnified 100%. The names he's called me and the derogatory comments take me back to my childhood and I find myself fighting against those old feelings of worthlessness, fear, anger, etc. I feel myself being dragged back into that dysfunctional family dynamic. My mother and brother are in the picture but they are often more difficult for me to be around because of their codependent behaviors. I don't want to go into all the details. I'm struggling with my own emotions right now. I find myself feeling angry and dismayed at my father, mother and brother and then the next minute, I feel bad about feeling that way. I speak on the phone with my husband and kids every day and I come away feeling like a healthy adult again but I still struggle the longer I am here. Thank you so much for creating this forum and thank you so much for allowing me to vent. It means the world to me.

Smol welcome! I just read your tale. Firstly, (((Hugs))). Secondly, *this too shall pass*. Repeat that to yourself as many times as you need during the day. Thirdly, always remember the plan can change.

Was your plan to fly there & be there for the duration? Or stay for a reasonable length of time? Or until your help is replaced by another family member or paid aide?

Smolberding, I can appreciate your frustration. My mom has always been difficult. Since I was a child, like walking on eggshells around her, don’t make her mad! Dad died when I was 12, or as she tells me you were almost 13, should have made you get a job! I have said 13 is a minor and that her providing food and shelter was her basic responsibility as a parent. She’s thrown that response in my face; I try to keep anything personal out of our conversations as she weaponizes even the most trivial things later. Last night she was ranting on the nightly call I have with her. I have such a big house, too much for me to handle! I simply stated her home, a condo, was larger. But you have all those bathrooms (2.5 to her 2) and those stairs. She says it was all an evil plan to buy a two story home, as she can’t do stairs now. She could when I bought my home. Bottom line is that I didn’t go along with her “plan”. She would buy a bigger home and I could live there. No way as it would always be her house her rules. I don’t remember her telling me of this plan, only mentioned it after I bought my home. Her last visit here over 10 years ago was awful. Dug out flower beds, ruined furniture and an appliance, told me everything here was stupid. Never invited back. I live about 170 miles away from her. So last night I had it with the house comment; she’s been needling me for weeks. I blew up said I would just sell my house (with some cursing). She didn’t respond, and I hung up. Been blowing up my phone since, and I haven’t responded. She wanted me to drive there this weekend to put out flower pots with artificial flowers. A round trip of about 8 hours, plus constant complaining. Not happening now. Every message has been a rant filled with insults: rotten child, no good, you have mental problems, you have no friends, if you’d gotten married probably wouldn’t have lasted, your dad would be so ashamed. And she still was thinking I should go there tomorrow. Nope. Not engaging as I don’t want an argument. A friend of hers a few years back emailed me and said she couldn’t deal with her calls anymore; she had her own serious medical issues but mom would cry and insist how bad her life was. She suggested mom get psych help but knew it was probably something she would not do. So now I get those calls. Visits are pure hell. I am at a loss as to my next move. I even thought of applying for a job transfer to another part of the country where driving to her home wasn’t feasible. I hope everyone is doing well. So thankful for this forum.

Sissisu, I hear New Zealand is nice. I saw an episode of House Hunters Int'l where a lady & her dog just packed up & moved there. 🌳🌴🌊🗻

Seriously, I could not deal with that for 2 mins!

'Grey rock' communication method may be of interest? 'Soft' or 'lite' can be easier to do with relatives you want to or need to be in contact with.

Beatty,
Arriving late to the conversation about excessive talking.

Beatty
Jul 18, 2021
Hey does anyone know the name for 'excessive talking'?

Overheard a psychiatrist on the phone to the hospital about a patient:
"She is rather difficult to interrupt with mild pressure".
The patient had bipolar.

Thanks Send. I have never suspected bipolar as never seen the lows but interesting... I will play a bit more detective I think.

Obviously I am not a doctor or specialist, just concerned + I have found I am avoiding phone calls & visits as just too much/too hard to communicate. Must leave people isolated 😔

Sissisu,

You said, "Nope. Not engaging as I don’t want an argument. A friend of hers a few years back emailed me and said she couldn’t deal with her calls anymore; she had her own serious medical issues but mom would cry and insist how bad her life was. She suggested mom get psych help but knew it was probably something she would not do. So now I get those calls. Visits are pure hell. I am at a loss as to my next move. I even thought of applying for a job transfer to another part of the country where driving to her home wasn’t feasible. I hope everyone is doing well. So thankful for this forum."

Gosh that is crazy-rough. Nobody needs to put up with that kind of treatment. I hope you'll check out outofthefog.net - lots of helpful stuff there for dealing with difficult parents. Sounds like you're letting calls go straight to VM which is hard to listen to, but she'll wear down eventually. Bless you and take care of yourself.

Sissisu, I went through a similar issue with my sister who was the primary on our moms DOA. My sis had health issues, I acknowledge that, she was still working only 4 hours a day while I was working 40 hours a week. Sis dumped everything on me

I was doing all the care for our mother. I worked retail which meant I had 2 days off in the middle of the week while my sis was working 12:00pm -4:00pm, she had the weekends off. She refused to come to town on the weekend to give me a break. She lives 40 miles away. We had placed our mother in a facility that specializes in Dementia care. They were wonderful. The problem was my sister.

as our mother progressed, I was running to give her medication at the same time each day, on my days off, I was cooking food and packing in it up for mom to reheat. The reason I did this was my mom’s DPA was written as a springing legal agreement. It means my sister nor I could take over her medical and financial affairs until she was legally diagnosed as mentally incompetent. I was running full steam 7 days a week with no help. This continued u til my mother was diagnosed as mentally incompetent.

once we placed our mother, my sister was still not available. She did not become available until the last year of our mother’s life. When she did, she took over everything, she would not inform me of what was going on with our mother’s health. I had to step back in when our mother was not eating well. I was second on the DPA, questions were not being answered so I stepped in and took my mom to her private dr.

Her dr put her on an appetite increasing drug. It did not work. My sis and I did not know or realize our mom was slowly shutting down. Because I stepped in taking control of our moms health, they called me one morning, her feet and hands were very red indicating organ failure. I called off work, went to the facility. My mom was in the dinning room and the RN took me in to see her. I made eye contact with my mother, she looked right through me.,.,no recognition yet her head fo.lowed my voice. I told them I wanted her in bed Immediately.

after my mother passed, I had to fight my sister to buy her a new dress, under garments for her memorial. I should not have had to do that, it should have been a normal, given thing to do. It only got worse from there. Y mother passed in 2016. My sis and I did not talk until June 4 2018, her oldest daughter committed suicide. We have made amends and are talking again.

my point is that I still have times when my anger against my sister rises and today is on of those days; I am here to provide support and I know that is where I’m suppose to be.

It's been quite awhile since I posted here. The last time I posted I believe was early this year when I was going through physical therapy for a broken foot that I had surgery on due to a car wreck last September. Then my husband's dad was diagnosed with lung cancer a couple of months after and we were trying to decide when to make the trip out of state to visit, which we did and had a nice visit with his dad and family around his birthday in April...

Sadly, today he passed away after having been in hospice care for about 3-4 weeks. And life here has been beyond stressful. It seems I come here more often than not to vent. You guys became my online support family when I was caring for mom, and I know there's always someone here who understands.

My husband is only 48, and he got COVID at the beginning of August, and was hospitalized for breathing issues on 8/7. He is still as of now in ICU on a ventilator. No, I haven't told him about his dad because of how critical he still is. I'll wait until he gets better. He just had a trach today and we are looking at transferring him to a LTAC facility for hopefully being able to wean him off the ventilator and then being able to go to physical rehab to regain his strength. That's our hope. I know there are no guarantees. It's been such an emotional roller coaster.

I am sitting here in his room watching him sleep. Have to get home soon because I have to take our 5 year old to s school in the morning. Our older kids help out but our 20 year old son still doesn't have his driver's license yet (I know, the younger generation baffles me too - I couldn't wait to drive). Earlier his BP dropped to like 79/40 and they said it's probably from his normal sedation combined with the sedation still in his system from when he had the trach put in earlier. They gave him medicine to raise his BP and backed off a little on his regular sedation, which finally seems to have worked. He also has had a few times tonight when his breathing got fast, like 40+ respirations per minute. He does that for a couple of minutes and then goes back to normal. That scares me too. His nurse said she thinks it's anxiety and getting used to the trach. I hope that's all it is.

I am so thankful he's still here on one hand - they gave him only 10% chance of survival on the ventilator when we made the decision to intubate - but on the other hand I am scared to death every day that something will go wrong. We have already had some major scares. One night a mucus plug blocked his tube and I watched his sats drop into to 40s while he couldn't breathe. They had to call an ER doctor up because it was like 3 am, and the doctor was able to turn up the PEEP and tidal volume on the machine and get it dislodged and get my husband's sats back up. I remember praying that night and I have through this whole ordeal. I just want him to get better, and am so glad he's still here.

Thanks for letting me vent here. Sometimes when I'm a nervous wreck it helps to get things in writing. I've missed everyone here. I do check in from time to time and read the updates, just haven't posted in awhile. Ready for life to be boring for once!

Frazzled - praying that your husband will pull through. I would be a nervous wreck, too, if I were in your shoes. So sorry you're going through this.

Good to see you back.

Frazzled good to see you here. Hoping your hubby turns the corner soon and on his way to health, healing and getting stronger. This covid sure can cause serious issues for so many.

Hi I just joined yesterday. Been carer for parents since beginning of year.
Shared with sibling, we never got on brilliantly but have joined forces to work together and it has been good for us. It is A challenge as parents have accepted help but recently are kicking off against it, as they require more help especially with their finances which they never discussed with us. Old traits of how you were treated as children growing up come to the forefront, as they come out stronger as dementia is coming in. You learn to step back from it, at first you get upset and question their comments or anger towards you, why did you just say that ? or do that to me ? You realise it was what was how they spoke to you when you were at home, you could not escape from it then, but you can choose now to not accept it, walk away, take a breather. I was told to give yourself space, as long as they are safe, have a day or half a day away, they may appreciate you when you not there. Also not to get involved in their arguments, sometimes they are mean to each other and Id say, but was advised they are a couple, its how they probably always been, its their argument. As long as they are not abusing each other.

Hhello everyone! I pray you are all fine and in good spirit and health. I am just checking in. I am not caught up. Things are going well since home care. A few growing pains as I adjust to aides and personalities. So grateful for them. I am still emotional and tearful often. I am looking forward to seeing my son this week for first time in about 3 years. Going to try and set up a nice space for him he only coming for one night just to check.

Hhappy belated birthday Golden. I know it was a lovely day for you.
I miss and love you all and those special parts in my heart I will never forget😘😘❤❤.
Once I set up my laptop a computer that's easily acessibl
I will post move often.

Stay strong and beautiful. Ray's of love and healing.

sharyn - Sisters!!! So glad I cut contact with mine. You worked very hard looking after your mum.

Fraz -so sorry your hub is so ill and your fil passed Too much!!! You have been through a lot and still going! Let us know how things are. Prayers for you and him! He is so young!

Onetriestoohard - welcome. You have a big load with two parents. Glad you can work with your sib. Yes old stuff comes up and makes the caregiving job harder. Sounds like you are looking after yourself which is great.

Hi duck -been thinking of you with 9/11. Thanks for b'day wishes. I had a quiet day. Just today dd came over and we ordered in for my b'day treat. Glad things are going well with home care. Not surprised you are still emotional. You have been through a lot. Have a good visit with your son! It's so good to see family.

glad - I read on some thread that your chest area is more comfortable - what a relief. Hope work is going well.

My good news is that the last cheques have been sent out so mother's estate is finalized and I have no more work to do in that regard. Whew! I have had a few emotional moments realizing that my life is free of certain influences for the first time in my 84 years of living. It feels good - very good!

Here after a strange summer, not two nice days in a row, we are having some lovely fall weather and no frost yet, so no leaves turning colour. We always have frost by the end of August, but not this year. I just put some rhubarb in the garden and hope it takes.

My dgd is out on her own and taking a power engineering course so she can earn lots of money. Sounds like a good plan for an 18 year old. Dgs at 16 wants to be a marine biologist!

We are into our 4th wave of covid and are the province with the lowest rate of vaccination in Canada and the highest rate of cases. I am once again having groceries delivered to be on the safe side as our local case rate is high. This too will pass!!!

Take care everyone and check in once in a while. (((((((hugs))))))

We have a 4th surge here too, other areas of the country have it much worse than here. The news just reported people in this state are getting it 3 and 4 times. Still should get the vax.

Golden great you got estate done. I am sure it is a relief!

Yes chest area has loosened a lot. Couldn't sleep well for the last nine weeks until the last 4-5 nights. Work is ok, what I would give to be able to retire! But at least I enjoy my job.

Glad, we are surging as well. Even though I received the vaccine, I am wearing a mask when I do out and distancing. I lost a friend on September 4 from complications due to covid. I’m glad I got to see her before I left California.

continue getting better, we are cooling down into fall weather. This virus seems to explode with cooler weather, more people inside,etc. Stay safe.

If I am being honest, I am struggling. There is way too much on my plate right now so instead of taking action my brain and body have just shut down and I am not doing anything at all.

I just wanted to share something here that happened to me recently. I've been taking mood stabilizers for over a year and I've noticed my behavior changed a lot and it was in a good way. I'm pretty happy I finally found medication to help that part of my life. Anyway, so recently I had this weird blip where I couldn't sleep for two nights in a row, and I went back through my old Facebook posts from the past few years and realized... there is this whole pattern of me kind of "flaring up" about once a month or so. It's hard to describe. But it's there. And I don't want to medicate myself to the point that my old sparkly personality is gone but tbh, I think that could be for the best. So I had this two day blip where I was so miserable and couldn't sleep no matter how much I tried. I remember the feeling from before -- I think it's when you have too much cortisol at night. Just as soon as I'd be getting relaxed, my brain/body would just juice itself on some cortisol or adrenaline or something... and I'd be completely awake again.

I don't know that I described it well. It was an interesting and miserable experience but it reminded me that I used to have those problems before I was taking mood stabilizer meds and also the nightly zolpidem. The combo really helps me. I'm a little behind on school work now because of the blip, but I should be able to catch up this week and keep going.

I'm just realizing how much these meds have helped me. I'm so glad! It's been a long time now that I wanted to "smooth the rough edges" of my mood swings. I've never thought of myself as being bipolar but going back though old posts of mine definitely showed the pattern. I've changed, for the better, and it's a good thing.