The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

NTDY, I think you have done the right thing. Is this all in a trust to avoid probate? I only ask because of I for I have learned to avoid probate.

I got home yesterday after being in California since Saturday. I helped my sister pack things on Monday since she is moving to Kentucky
by the end of the this month.

my brothers celebration of life service was great. He received military honors with a 3 gun salute. He earned it and deserved it.
David was always very special to me as he was my only brother who played with me and my sister. He would play Barbie’s with us as long as he could be Ken, lo,!

I could go on with the things he did with me. He earned his masters degree and became a manager at the defense depot he retired from. During a
l this, he was there for his family, the children, his wife. They spent so much time together. I envy such a family and marriage.

louise4 - how are you doing. I hope you have filed a complaint and are pursing guardianship. Caregiving is hard enough without all that nonsense. Have you considered placing mil in a facility Sounds like it is getting too much for you and hub.

yoda - not too early at all.

sharyn - so glad that the service went well. Your brother sounds like a great guy who will be missed. Is your sister moving closer to you?

I enjoyed the time spent closer to dd and her family but it also showed me how sick she was at times which was hard to see. She just has her last chemo of this session and we all are glad it is over. Now I have to get back into prep-for-moving mode. Time to get the new dishwasher installed. Couldn't really do it without any water.

Golden, no, my sister is moving across country. I won’t be able drive it as it’s 28 hours to drive there (3days).

I have an infection that has been diagnosed as celulitus infection on my stomach. It resulted from a blackhead pore and after I got home from California on June 2 it got much larger but is deep in the stomach cells where lancing it will not be productive to get rid of the infection. I shower daily but this nasty thing is deep in the tissues.


im taking Keflex 4 times a day since I’m allergic to penicillin. My follow up yesterday show improvement but I have to go back on Monday and will most likely be given another round of 7 day antibiotics, most likely Bactrim (sp?). I’m also using a topical ointment antibiotic that is a prescription twice daily…..unfortunately the area has become oozing and so gross. This all started from a blackhead in a pore on my stomach that I have had for over 20 years.

I have to say I. Frustrated by it, never heard of celulitus infections. I have to be careful of red streaking, ,fever, vomiting.

anyone know much about this type of infect?

Cellulitis is serious and only antibiotics can get rid of the infection in the body. For your sores that are oozing you nay want to consider mestrain Manuka honey it is mefical grade and may help the secondary skin sores heal.

@ SharynMarie,
Can antibiotics cure sepsis?
Antibiotics alone won't treat sepsis; you also need fluids. The body needs extra fluids to help keep the blood pressure from dropping dangerously low, causing shock.

First of all it s not sepsis and hopefully will not become that. I have never heard of celulitus infections.

Cellulitis is very serious. If the antibiotics cant get a handle on it you will have to go to the hospital for IV antibiotics. It can cause blood infections like sepsis. You cannot cure it topically. Do a Google search on it.

sharyn - I have heard of cellulitis and know it are serious and can turn into sepsis. Hopefully the antibiotics will clear it up. Other wise, as sp says, it is IV antibiotics. Take care!

Sharyn, I was generally aware of cellulitis. Bed sores can lead to cellulitis. I'm sorry you're going through this; it sounds awful. As others have said, I would be vigilant about monitoring this. If it doesn't resolve, I'd be asking for additional testing to determine the bacteria strain causing this. NOT that this would happen to you, but I have a girlfriend who has had a heck of a time trying to get a handle on a prolonged MRSA infection that started off minor last year. Google tells me that staph skin infections commonly cause cellulitis, and they also cause MRSA infections. One more scary thing to be aware of... 😑 I'm glad you see improvement and I hope it keeps going that way. 💐

Ali, I am concerned about and am watching it closely. I have a blue circle drawn around the redness so I can compare it daily to watch for red streakiking, vomiting and fever. So far it has not gotten that bad and appears to be getting better but on 7 day course of antibiotics is not going to be enough. It actually just blows me away how something so simple as a blackhead could erupt into something this serious.

thankfully I slept this afternoon for about 2-1/2 hours as a result of only maybe 4 hours sleep each night.it has been throbbing when I lay down. I go back again on Monday.

I’m using a prescription ointment for the oozing called Mupirocin twice a day and an oral antibiotic called Keflex 4 times a day. Like I say it is getting better, but when I go back on Monday June 13, the dr will most like give me around 7 day course of antibiotics using Bactrim. I am very concerned and it is so strange how this just erupted so quickly.


thank you everyone. I will keep you updated.

Sharyn,
Correct, not sepsis. But watching out carefully because of what could happen. The things that could happen can get scary-they don't explain that the bad things happen if it goes untreated-and you are treating it.
I had something on my foot as a child and a red line started up my leg-everyone was concerned. The antibiotics took care of it. In those days, they called it a blood infection.

Thanks for keeping us updated.

Sharyn, I hope you keep getting better. (((Hugs)))

Sharyn l am so sorry for your loss. Stay strong and beautiful.
Just checking in.

All the best to you Alli! You are always an inspiration for me.

Golden you already know! So wonderful and strong. Godspeed and prayers for you and your DD.

Much love to the 3 G's Booklover and Barb.

Life is throwing hard balls as usual. I had a very hard moment a few weeks ago after watching a series welcome to eden. One scene a mother slapped her daughter and it triggered such deep emotions that I had subconsciously buried in my youth. I cried for days realizing how I buried my pain in so many moments in my youth. I actually reacted to something I buried and it was another frightening revelation of who I am and the things I did not know I didn't know and how on earth I didn't see. So I am still stuck in so many ways and bewildered as I acknowledge and attempt to overcome and address so many issues. I turned to God in that young age. Throughout I have always been aware of my blessings and Grace.

Its awesome to see my blessings and how and when they come.
When I worked NYC EMS many years ago it was amazing how when I was overwhelmed with the pressure of seeing the worst we do to each other and crazy weird instances so tired of seeing death and ugly. Then I would get a delivery. One of the most beautiful things in the world and it would erase everything. It was amazing how these incidents occurred.
So in the midst of not having employment off and on the past few months I have been experiencing the same kind of blessings through my loved ones. My cousin got married beautiful. My son got a promotion. And another cousin won election for Senator.
I have been out of work for weeks at time. So very scared as the hip issue flares up the disappointments with authorizations of cases. Not taking cases because of the danger of traveling late. Cases being closed because client moved.
A few weeks ago I took case that was 16 hours and long travel time. It was very difficult especially with the client mother issues. I broke into sweat with work which I hadn't done since resuscitation in EMS. Not to mention the dynamics dealing with unrelentful but understandable essence of a mother's irrational hope need and motivation toward a complete recovery of a beautiful son who was resuscitated after a deadly car accident. Maybe in some since I am violating HIPPA. Anyways I felt like I was in an ICU unit and I was also uplifted in my professional tkills as well as the gifts I have been blessed with and a skill for difficulties. I was only filling in. So I felt accomplished after the 16 hours shift. So I was out of work for weeks. My reserve diminishing. Depressed with the lack of work on top of trying to work through my emotional issues and dysfunction. So anyways waiting for authorization for yet another case I get call with query about case. I communicate the difficulty and physical demands and I am offered a raise if I take case and agree not communicating the issue with the mother. Feeling I can get past that. Inspired by the mothe and sister reaction and surprise at the client's calm after my first time. So I agree and work again agreeing to start regular shift The next week. So that night I realize no one worked since I was last there. And realizing the offer was because of difficulty filling in the case. The morning as I am preparing to get off the mother threw a clean balled up quarter of a paper towel on floor and told me to put it in trash. I ignored this as I was organizing and preparing to leave. Then she threw the other half on floor and gave same command. I again ignored it. In my mind I was shocked. Eventually as I am about to close trash and dirty laundry she again told me to put the things she'd thrown on floor I respectfully told her that I didn't throw them on floor and I don't throw things on floor I put trash in bag. As I left the Father was smiling saying goodbye see you next week and I was felt bad

I’m hoping this is the right thread only child here, 3 years ago my father pretty much dropped my mom off at my home because he couldn’t care for her. It was a total surprise when it happened. At first it was supposed to be 3 days but never came back. He provides 0 financial support even though they are still married. My husband and I cover all her cost. Recently she has started to fall, her legs give out. I was lucky someone else was home to pick her up. I know that eventually she will need to be in a care facility and I have been trying my hardest to put it off by modifying our home to accommodate her needs, but even I know it’s inevitable.

Today she fell, then it turned into the oddest tantrum that included flaying her feet, tossing her head, soiling her bed, and when she realized that I wasn’t going to give in to her tantrum, she changed bed pad, clothes, undergarments and tossed all the soiled items on the floor. The concern I have is that this might be an indicator of maybe something new that I’m just not equipped to understand. I don’t have the $$ to cover that kind of care she will eventually need and dad won’t cover it. I’m feeling stuck and want only the best for her. I’m just not sure where to start.

So a young nurse came to both our surprise. I gave her report thinking the mom was going to eat her alive. This was a Friday to Saturday morning so now the trains were not running. So I took shuttle bus and it took me almost 3 hours to get home. First thing Monday I communicated what happened and that I would not be going back. I also stated how I felt bad for the relief nurse and was told she was not coming back either.
My old self would have overlooked the blatant disrespect. I was suffering financially and aware and grateful that I was comfortable and aware of my refusal to accept disrespect and violation.

So again I am out of work. Different coordinators communicated concern and acknowledged the problem with the mother and the craziness.
TO'Day I accepted a case for LPN 7a to 11p. Less pay and acceptance that after years of night shift I had to do days knowing the stress to my established rhythm. So I call the client mom and introduce myself and that I would be there Sunday morning 7am. She told me I could come later and I was dumbfounded. So I get there and then she told me to leave early. I was amazed but grateful. I was just filling in less pay and stress on my circadian rhythm. So I felt grateful. But still in the wings of a need for work and concern for financial balance.

Okay I didn't mean t to go here and write a long winded book.
Rays of love and healing to us all. ((((HUGS))))

Al this thread is most definitely the right thread.
I have come to understand there are no coincidences.
There's a host of wise caring and understanding people on board.

Keep postin! Eventually a response or a post will give you an aha moment a perspective which will open a door to understanding and change.

It may be a painful process. But in the long run the honesty sometime brutal and realistic beyond my understanding helped me realize so many truths. I was insulted and could not comprehend that I had low self esteem.
I was guided to learn about narcissism the root of my dysfunction. Understanding led to growth and appreciation for this forum.
It saved my sanity gave me strength.
The sharing of painful issues different or worse gave me hope.

Seeing how others overcame or processed in healing, the strength to share their painful history.
The fact that someone not knowing me cared enough to help to understand or just respond meant and still means so much to me.

Beautiful wise loving folk here.
Keep posting you are not alone.

I had a follow up on my cellulitis infection. It is getting better tge oral antibiotic is now Bactrim, a wide spectrum antibiotic. The redness is better, it is not getting deeper. A couture was done to rule out a more severe infection line Mersa.


I do feel very blessed as I’m not having any systems of sepia. I am frustrated it is not healing faster. I was reassured it is a common skin infection and can take 2-3 courses of antibiotics. It is not an issue of poor hygiene or cleanliness. We all have this type of bacteria on our skin and all it takes is an opening for it to become like I what have.

So glad you're getting better SharynMMarie. These things can happen to any if us (which is a good reminder to all of us to cherish and care for our body. Sending you healing prayers 🙏🌈❤️

Heart2heart, thank you. It is frustrating as I have never experienced this type of infection before.

Hunker down SharynMarie, and take every single dose on time, till gone.
I know you've got this.
It is frustrating, infuriating, and time consuming.

Send, I am. Thank you for all your info. I’m just frustrated and from I have read, I will be prone to getting ore infections like this. I’m hoping that is not the case. If so, I may resort to bandaided this pore on my stomach from here on out.

SharynMMarie
I understand where you're coming from. I've had some very strange things happen to my body as well. One was a very bad allergy where my face turned into Star Wars (and, I had to go to work!). They never could find the root of the cause, even after going to one of the best allergy hospitals in the US. I also had some other weird and scary issues. The main thing is staying on top of it with your doctors. The body is resilient... Breathe... one step at a time... ❤️
(I also think things are caused by all the junk they put in any product! They told me to stop using anything with 'fragrance' in the label... we don't know what 'fragrance' is anyway... like when they were putting Tricyclovane (sp?) in liquid hand soaps, etc... which turned out to be a powerful commercial floor cleaner... Its been banned now... I believe...)

SharynM, I'm glad you are feeling better.

Thank you Heart2Heart. I admit I got a bit emotional when my dr said possible MERSA. I’m thinking how can this happen. I’m not in a hospital, I’m clean, use bleach in my wash with towels, bedding. I just freaked a bit.

thank you for your kind words. I go back again tomorrow and “I” think it looks much better, I will see what the dr says.

SharynMMarie,
I know it's scary and nerve-racking... You're doing all the right things... Keep going back and advocate hard for yourself. Let me... (us) know how tomorrow goes. 🙏💞

Care giving is extremely emotional... I was caregiver for my father like 3 years. At times I did have help from family members. But like one year I was on my own. He had colorectl cancer. I took him to like 100 appointments. Dr Apts, radiation, and many others. Eventually he came home, to my sisters, on in home hospice. That was more difficult. The feeling when a parent comes home to die, I wish on no one. But here's the thing. I'd rather die at home and not in a hospital. Brings me to hospice. As scary as it was. Some people think it's a death sentence. Could live for weeks or months. Father died in August 2020. Was on hospice about 3 weeks. His cancer was stage 4 and spread to basic the whole body. He did not want more cancer meds. Sometimes I still think they killed him before his time. The thing is... they made him comfortable. With out the meds. he would have been in extremely pain. As hard as it was...I'm glad he notdie in a hospital. I know he was glad also. Anyone that must deal with this. I hope my words help some. Look forward to comments. Love and or prayers be with yall

I'm fairly new here and losing my mind. My family is pushing my buttons to the point I'm thinking of putting mom (who mentally is good--no dementia, just normal old age memory loss) in a nursing home (colostomy and fall risk) which I don't want to do because she likes it here. I am afraid my cancer will recur because my sister stresses me out so much. We have never gotten along because she is narcissistic and her big goal in life is to be as entitled, unhelpful and obstinate as possible.

I have been taking care of mom in my home for the past almost 2 years. She had to leave AL because she had COVID and did not "bounce back" well enough, according to them, to be there and take care of her colostomy. I was widowed by suicide (read: stress, grief) 3 years ago and have kept mom in a ranch home with me that we were building because she needs the ramp, etc. My sister does NOTHING. She refused to get vaccinated because she knows better than the CDC, WHO, the Pope, etc. She knows EVERYTHING.. I did not let her in to visit my mom during the height of COVID. She could visit through the window. I have a covered porch and she could talk to her on the phone or through the window. I stayed home and ordered in groceries during that time so I was not a risk to her. It lasted like that for a few months. I tried to follow the rules -- (mom's first bout with COVID gave her a pulmonary embolism, double pneumonia and her kidneys started failing). I have tried to be a good caregiver and she's now in good shape and her kidney doctor is happy.

My sister threatened to "call senior services" on me for trying to do the right thing. Of course, she does very little now that she has the chance. She also has a ranch home and didn't offer to take her. She said she "works from home." (So do I, full-time.) She said she "has to be on the computer." Well, SO DO I!!!! She said, "well, mom has a TV there." I said I wasn't aware that she didn't have a TV! What a load of $*(@).

But she wants free rein to my home when I'm not here, whenever she wants (especially when I'm not home). I'm just the worker who opens the door. It was years ago, but she's stolen from me in the past. It's who she IS. She's got a real chip on her shoulder. She's making my life miserable and her husband is backing her up with more abuse. She's alienated my nieces/nephew from me. At this point, I can't stand it. She makes plans with a 91 year old who can't remember what's going on, on the days we already have 2 dr. appointments because she refuses to "be subservient" to me and ask me before she gets my mom all worked up. So she doesn't ask me if there's anything else going on that day. My mom tells me someone's coming to get her (on the rare occasion) at 1:30 and they show up at noon when she hasn't had lunch, gone to the bathroom, etc. And, oh, if I knew I had an extra hour and a half, I just might be able to make plans of my own. But "it's not her fault I can't make last minute plans." This is MY house and I told her she can visit 5/7 nights a week, or any time on Thurs, Fri, Saturday. Not good enough for her. (Not that she ever visited my mom more than once a month before).

There's no consideration for the fact I'm taking her to the appts, having a nurse come here weekly, a podiatrist, I'm still going through my husband's things, working full-time, do laundry, give meds, showers, change her colostomy bag, take her to the bathroom, dress her, try to entertain her, shop, cook, cut the grass. I barely leave the house except for work and then I have various caregivers I know nothing about come in here. They use the good crystal to give her water. They leave the garage door open all day. Sometimes they don't even show up. I asked my siblings for a vacation in Nov.; they refused; I lost like $1000. Mom and I get along great but I hate this now because of my sister. It's hard enough w/o her.