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Joanne, this is an anonymous site, only your user name and profile will be available to anyone. Admin have your email, but nobody else does. I don’t think hackers would really bother with us. If you are concerned about being identified by anyone who could pick you from your experiences, my suggestion would be to register again without calling yourself ‘Joanne’. Perhaps don’t put too much on the profile, though some helps to get relevant advice. I have a fairly full profile, but as I live in Central Australia, I don’t expect too many people to bother me! It's 8.30am here on Wednesday 28th, just to be chatty.

It would be better to post your own question than to go through the Dysfunctional Families thread, as it covers many many people and your issues will not get the replies that you deserve when starting off.

Welcome to the site, there are lots of helpful people and helpful information. If you click on Care Topics at the top of the screen, you will get an alphabet. See what might help you to browse. Yours, Margaret
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Joanne,

Feel free to post. If people post self-righteous, judgmental responses with interrogating-type questions that only inflict more pain and increase the same plus do not validate your current feelings, I will stand up for you and personally report them to the administrators. I'm sure others here feel the same way.

Any way, it's your choice. You are anonymous and welcome.
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Just checking in.

It was sad to read recent posts.


Joanne I am not aware of the circumstances but I encourage you to keep posting. Yoda gave good advice.
I came on board broken in so many ways expressing my brokenness as best I could.

I mean we see certain characteristics in those who hurt us in a plethora of ways.

My thing was that in the midst of pompousness and clicks the overriding factor was the beauty of wise and caring people who touched my spirit in a shocking way.
Sone questions interrogations for clarity were addressed openly and at times with trepidation.

Because of my experience and programming and dysfunction I knew my issue in considering the feelings of others tiptoeing around people and knowing deep down that people I tiptoes around in any essence were not good for me due to manipulation shamecand blame. Also knowing that they could not handle any degree of truth when called out or just plain old addressed respectfully when confronted. The result would be either a structured attack in retaliation in guilt blame shame.

So I. This forum from day one the constructive responses and critique was an answer t to my prayers.
Careful not to respond to bait or condescending reactions to how I wrote or responded to others. It amazed me how things can be perceived as insult and at same time thecresponses were in essence the same type spirit in my loved ones tactics and manipulations for whatever reason and needs. Degrading, insulting dismissal ridicule so many violations in so many ways.

My focus was the beauty that was very rare for me. Understanding and most of all knowing me and what it means for someone to even try and understand or just understand because they know. Just care. Relate. Interest concern.

So keep posting there are so many good souls on board here.
This forum is one of the best blessings in my life.
Objective understanding and support and subtle guidance from being in worse or same trenches able to share their own pain experience and wisdom struggles in this arena called life.

SHaring and caring


Much love to you all.
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I don't know why exactly, but after last night, I am feeling a bit feisty and punchy today. I don't usually feel this way. It is not my style except for when my sense of compassion and justice are ignited. My youngest son is the same way.

Take care everyone.

Do something nice for yourself today. You really do deserve it.
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this is great. i know exactly what they are talking about. thank you for this. Ill vent one of these days. hang in there everyone. no matter what people in your family/life say you are doing the best you can and there is nothing wrong with that.
much love!
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Joanne and turtledoo - welcome.

Joanne - I think this thread is pretty safe though nowhere online is 100% safe. Hope you are getting therapy to help you recover from your abusive experiences.

turtle - it's great sharing with others who have been there. Validation!

duck - your post touched me. Indeed you have negotiated all the responses to your posts very well.

I realized the other day that I have spent just over 1/2 my life in this city and nearly 1/2 my life in this house. No wonder moving is a bit emotional.
I have changed my plans a little and am hoping to move in November some time. I don't want to spend another winter here. I'll leave a little furniture for staging but move most to the condo. Its time. I'm emptying or reducing the contents of closets and cupboards these days Who needs 6 pairs of sunglasses and a couple of pairs of safety glasses. These are left overs from the kids. That's the trouble with having the space - it gets filled!

Dgd wants dd and sil to move to Edmonton where she and bf are. Dd likes that idea. With oldest son moving there eventually, it would mean lots of us close together. She asked, if they move there, could she grow some veggies on the cottage lot. Of course!!! 🍅 🥒🥕🍆 😊
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I have been very tearful. I think in my aging and reckoning with my truth and limitations has been overwhelming.
I had to rehash history with legal intake process yesterday. I was already in a bad place feeling guilty for not able to see my mother in two weeks. Also I guess this was I time I can't stop remembering the ugly from my mother and sister. I even have dreams regularly. I wish I could learn to stop those memories.
Today was another day of tear breaks in public I knew I was bad which is why I wasn't up to the visit routine.
I need help it's coming slowly but sometimes I unravel.

So I'm in process of legal aid. My mother is approved for Medicaid. I call the guardian office to give info and got the number is wrong.
Somehow I had the agency lawyer number so I left message.
So much in my head I'm good but I wonder how I held so much in. Why I cannot be oblivious to this s#$@ like I was before.
Anyways I'm still kind of good
Wishing all the best for everyone.
Golden, I would be inpsych ward if I was moving. All the best. I admire your resilence.

Hope ypu all are well.
Rays of love peace and healing to us all.

Ps. Keep smiling it comes back and feels good.
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Duck, hang in there! We all love you on here. (((HUGS))))
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duck ((((( hugs)))) and love. Maybe it's a good things this bad stuff is coming out. Then you can be rid of it eventually. Aging is no fun but I wouldn't go back for anything. It's OK not to visit your mother when it is not good for you.

The move is happening and I am needing to process the many feelings triggered by moving. Takes time and energy.

Dd is looking better and better and very slowly getting more energy back.

Shout out to everyone Do something good for you. For me it is time to get my hair done again - maybe medium ash blonde low lights this time!
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Hey everyone. As usual I need some info, advise. This is the issues, My son got his car repossessed. We have given him $15000 since the first of the year. We can’t not give him any more. He has never paid us paid back. His job is on the line this time because he can’t go to work. I hate being a parent.
we can’t correct this. It’s over $1400 and we are not willing to sell off stock my heart is broken, I can’t make it right this time
e
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SharynMMarie,

Can he ride into work with a co-worker?
If you do give him money for the car, go make the payment yourself so youknow for sure where the money is going.
I used to buy grocery store gift cards for my daughter instead of cash for my daughter when she was being fiscally unsound, that way I knew where the money was going
Please dont feel guilty, there is only so much you can do .
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sharyn - it is 15K not 1400? For that amount (15K) he could have bought a decent second hand vehicle. There must be a root problem of not managing his finances well - overspending in some area or whatever. No, you cannot fix that, Only he can and enabling him won't help him. You and hub are retired and need to look after yourselves. I am sorry you are dealing with that. I had to stop lending to one dil as she was asking for more and more and was slower and slower at paying back. Eventually she did pay back the last loan and then I said "No more."
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Golden and Kellse, we gave them $1000 already this year. A typo. They are behind on car payments and owe $1400. We are not going to sell off stock to help them. We can’t afford it. They have been eating out a lot on weekends at expensive steak house restaurants or eating out for breakfast. We haven’t been out to a restaurant in a year. We’ve had to cut out most extra things ourselves. Yes, they need some credit counseling or something. As far as I know, my son got to work today.
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Sharyn, phew, I thought it was $15K too!

Of course you need to stop "lending" the money and watch over your own retirement. It is a sad situation. Some companies will help find carpooling opportunities. Don't try to fix it for him. Is he dating? Living with someone?

Is there public transportation? Oh, now I think they are in a large metro area? If it is where I am now remembering, there is a great public transportation system! He needs to figure it out. There are many many jobs available in that area. Maybe he needs to find a new job closer to home.

There are many people leaving that city, costs are very, very high! It used to be a wonderful, exciting place to live with so much to do. Now, crime rates and cost of living are pushing long time residents out. I, personally, would never live in that area again.

Some companies in the area offer financial counseling. Maybe that is available from your son's company. Look back at messages I have sent to you. There are also free credit counseling for those with financial difficulty, and it should be free! They can renegotiate loans, etc... Can he get a roommate? There are many people that need to do this because of high costs!
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sharyn - eating out is very expensive. Sounds like they need to be more sensible about it. Certainly it is not for you and hub to make up the difference. I am glad you are not lending them any more. Stay firm - they have to find their own way through this,
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Consumer Credit Counseling has offices in many cities. It’s free. They have classes and individual counseling on money matters.
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Becky, I’ve given them both info on consumer credit counseling so it’s up to them.

golden, we are budging in helping them this time. We have bailed our son out more than once even in his first marriage. Never has he paid us back. Yes eating out is expensive , like I said my hubs I have not gone out in a year or more expect for fast food

Glad, from what I understand he is getting a ride to snd from with a co worker.

everyone, part of what I see the problem being is my dil is in couceling, even with co pays etc, counseling is expensive. She has scheduled a breast reduction for February of 2023. She has all types of medical issues with chronic kidney stones, back issues. She is trying to get on permanent disability. Her dog has been called an emotional support dog so she Carrie’s everywhere. This type of dog does not need certificates or training. You can get a vest from Amazon for an emotional support dog. It is a trend. She showed me a picture today for a tortilla press I’m assuming she ordered from Amazon.


while my son is not innocent in all this, he needs to put his foot down. Stop going out to Texas Road house , stop the donuts for breakfast and eating out for breakfast. We all want to treat ourselves now and then but not weekly. He was not raised to have dinners or breakfast out this often. He does not control his fiancés well.

I’ve detached and am staying out of it. I can’t spend my life worrying about him.

I went to the dr yesterday. Another possible issue of an abcess in the groan this time. They were able to lance it this time. They told me it would not hav3 clear up on it own. I’m on an antibiotic and hopefully it will clear up without going to wound care. I don’t understsnd why this is happening to me. I can’t worry about my son.
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sharyn - sounds like he/they overspend and he is used to you bailing him out, I would not lend another cent. They need to work out their own financial issues. I am glad you are detaching and not worrying about him,

Sorry to see you have another infection but glad it is being treated. Have you had a checkup recently? Is your blood sugar OK? I know you are on some medication, or you were anyway, to help control blood sugar.

Hope your hubs is doing better with that.

Yes, you need to look after yourself.
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Not so great here, Dad has UTI's more, lots of Dr visits, etc. We got no privacy, and can't get away without a huge logistical nightmare.
Now a situation where my wife may need to retire early and there goes out insurance. 4 more years until medicare. To be honest we need her income. I can just try to sell more...... gee never thought of that.
more stress on us on top of dad living here.
Our daughter is having a baby soon so we are over the moon about that. Just the stress of not being able to get away to clear out heads without worry and having to have him looked after. Not a fan of strangers in the house, TBH not ever going to happen.
Just the planning and logistics are painful. He is using a walker now when he goes out and I think he likes it because everyone comes running to help him. Opening doors etc. I find it painful to watch as I see him at home and how mobile he is but when he is in public he becomes a cripple. He needed to use the walker and a friend who picks him up to take him to the lodge said he wouldn't unless he had one as he fell a couple of months ago. But amazing he will let people cater to him. I go the other way and make him do as much as he can within reason. Others may see me as I don't care but they don't live with him. Funny, when he is going out for food he can move like Johnny Lighting. Otherwise, he cant move a muscle.
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Hi everyone, I got results from recent infection, it is negative for Mersa. They put me back on Bactrim. This infect is is on the high inner thigh near the crouch. They said it’s. Very common area to get these infects. Only hubs can see it. I don’t know why I am getting these infections. I at least got into the dr before it found have become another cellulitis infect.ion.

Without insurance, which I do not have I owe the dr $1,300. I’m paying $100,00 a month. While speaking of bills, I called the bank to ask for a lower interest rate on my credit card. They agreed and cancelled my card, which was fine. Because we got a rebate from the state of Idaho. I paid the bank $4.00.00 this month. I should get the bank paid off after the first of the year with my yearly mandatory IRA
distribution and income tax return.

I will get Medicare in December this year. I’m getting Medicare advantage which is cheaper than original Medicare.

my sister is adjusting to living in Kentucky. The humidity is very bad there especially in the summer. She lived with her daughter for about :3 months before painting, new carpets and other thing in the homes she bought.

sendjng love and prayers for everyone.
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Hi all!
Sharyn l want to share that I used to get boils a lot which are similar can turn to access. Anyways so very painful.
I started wondering why I was getting them so often it was scary..I was told it was a type of genetic predisposed this went on for years very painful I soon learned techniques even ordered boil cream. Saw doc many times. Years later I realized they started when I had a lot of stress.
Also years ago one of my wise 3G's inboxes me about castile soap. Been using it ever since made a very signicsnt. Improvement.

Tg hang in there.
The 31st is my father's anniversary 42yrs. Sometimes it hits like yesterday at any given time
On that note thanks for repeatedly advising me about self talk.. it's up and down for me but better when im feeling good about my self. Still working towards counseling. Its a tad overwhelming and I kinda almost shut down and froze because all the things I was tryingto address came back to back I couldn't keep up. Pension check without taxes' lawyer reaching out retelling my issues to social workers and lawyer and the underlying stress about my visit to see my son for his promotionband Thanksgiving
Knowing it's in my head.
Anyways thank you all. Much love for you all.
This forum means a lot. I honestly think ofbyou all at every issue.
I pray you all are well. HUGS any rays of love and peace to us all.
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Thought about posting on the dinner thread. I probably had 100 tricksters tonight. Last year, I just turned out the lights. Probably the stress of my life then. Actually had fun with it tonight. Cute kids, some too old to be trick or treating, but on the whole a fun night.

Still a recovering caregiver, seven years later.....

It takes a long time.....😢😢😢😢

Why is there still so much traffic out there?!
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tg - I know it is hard and getting harder. Some day there will be an end to it one way or another. Congrats on the coming grandbaby and sorry to hear of your wife's pending unexpected retirement.

sharyn - hope that infection clears up quickly. A lower interest rate on your cc is a good thing!!!

duck -hang in there and get that counselling. It will help! I still think of my father. and my parents' wedding anniversary a few days ago.

glad - only 2 lots showed up here, 6 kids total, and I didn't have anything to give out. It has been steadily going down for years. I used to get around 75. Glad you had fun with it. I hear you about being a recovering caregiver. We do not recover quickly.

I had a wood fire on tonight and thoroughly enjoyed it The move has slowed down. R is overwhelmed with shutting down the farm and I still have things to do and am OK with that. One step at a time.

Take care, all.
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We went for a drive around our neighborhood and some people really went all out decorating for Halloween. Fog machines and everything. There was even a young woman with a barbecue set up and full bar, whiskey and everything. She offered us a drink but we passed. :)
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Funny/weird how childhood experiences can inform you more than 50 years later.
My Dad was not breathing right and my younger sister and I could not wake him. Mom was not home, so we asked a neighbor for help, thinking he was dead. His breathing settled into loud snoring, and we were taken to the neighbors home overnight.

P.S. Forgot to say Dad was drunk and passed out. Breathing was loud, gasping for air, then not breathing, then snoring.
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Send, I sometimes think my DH has stopped breathing during the night. It's just paranoia on my part though. He's fine.

You are right though. Things happen for a reason including childhood experiences.
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my father did that too - it sounds like sleep apnea which needs to be treated.
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Yes, it could be sleep apnea, even a seizure. Or sleep paralysis?
Extreme, gasping for breath, could not arouse from sleep, abdomen spasming.

No drugs or alcohol in urine. Getting it checked out.

Thanks for weighing in Gershun and Golden.
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To get Medicare Advantage plan, Part C, don't you have to purchase Part B? Here, the premium for Part B is about 130. I got Part B and Part G, of course I have Part A, 0 premium.

I got Part G because I am fully covered for a major illness. My understanding is that you cannot switch from Part C to Part G if you begin to have serious health issues. Part G is the better coverage?
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It is 1:30 in the morning and my mom is being extra tonight I'm sitting in her room trying to orient her that she is here with me in her bed room she is being mean but she says she is miserable I took a break to post this it helps to vent when I am sleepy.
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