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Really sick of this forum and the commentaries when a question is asked and instead getting analyzed and critiqued of my behavior or lack of it depending on the responder. This is not a kind and supportive space as it could be and it's a shame. There should be general rules of conduct and those that cut others down should be removed by a moderator. No caregiver coming here needs more grief and hassle when none of these people are walking in the shoes of the person writing or living in their homes. And everyone's standard of care is different. Some of us have higher standards and are allowed to have those. If others don't care, so be it. May they know the suffering of others in these situations. Many responses lack the empathy not shown by the aides we have had assigned to us. HOw many of you really would relish the thought of lying bare and exposed while total strangers scrubbed your private areas? I think not many.

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Gdaughter, the climate here, at times, has made me think many times about posting something that I think applies to a situation, but I appreciate the "know-it-alls" because I can learn something... or not... and I can take it or leave it. It helps to have a thick skin and an objective view of humanity when participating on here. I very much get it that emotional support is often needed, but an emotional pov is not necessarily helpful to any specific situation. Try to take any part of a reply or other comments and use it to benefit you, and leave what is not helpful to you. We don't know each others' situations beyond what is described in dry text on here. And compassion and empathy are running in short supply when caregivers are tasked with doing the impossible with few supports. It's not a lack of compassion that influences the "tough love" comments; it's survival. And the cut-and-dried techniques described on here can be very helpful to someone in the trenches of hands-on caregiving.
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Maybe this will help clear up the confusion. https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/update-to-all-of-you-who-know-so-much-or-think-you-do-469445.htm which is time stamped August 21, 2021 ... written 2 days after your original post above.

You have two original postings on the same subject. That is why you feel some of your postings have changed or disappeared.
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I've experienced criticism on here. It didn't deter me from continuing to post. I'm glad I didn't leave. I've made some good friends and when I'm going through a bad time they have always been very supportive. Even though my care giving journey is over for now I still get positive feedback about other things I'm concerned about.
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gdaughter, when I first came onboard this forum and had a question, I found some answers would rattle me. Then it realized that I was the type of person who actually needed what is called "tough love", and sure enough the advice given did work. And for that, I was truly grateful.
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GD - your private messages are turned off ? I cannot private message you. Don’t want you to think I haven’t responded - there is no PM on your profile

Now Like Barb - I am now having trouble posting and it keeps auto logging me out.
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I’m having a hard time the past 24 hours - it keeps auto logging me out can someone tell me how to send a private message? I cannot remember Thanks
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This forum is a microcosm of human beings in general.

Just because we all have caregiving in common, doesn’t mean that we all have the same temperaments.

We wouldn’t all be friends.

We wouldn’t all agree. On world events, on spiritual matters, or even day-to-day running of our households. Gosh, I can’t even expect my husband or children to agree with me on taking out the trash (every can, every day, say I!) .

That being said, we can still learn from each other. In this case, about caregiving.

We can take what we can use, and throw the rest out the window. :-)

Peace to you in this journey.
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gdaughter, give this forum another chance. Ignore the ones that judge.I don't blame you for being upset with the aides leaving your mom exposed. I am very strict about that with my own mother and get upset with my assistant niece if she leaves my mom bare.Stick around there are some really good caregivers here that are experienced and do care.
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Here's AG's policy statement on posts:
https://www.agingcare.com/aboutus/member-comment-policy
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Gdaughter, I had a problem the other day with my posts not posting; I emaiked the admins and they "refreshed" my account.

I don't recall that anyone faulted you for not wanting your mom lying nakrd when being bathed. I think many of us suggested talking to a suoervisor, finding another agency and the like.

Some of us have suggested that your irritability is increasing because you have too much on your plate and have suggested more help, respite or finding a facility for your parents. You have rejected suggeations, sometimes quite angrily.

I am going to suggest (only once) that you talk this situation over either with a trusted Social Work colleague or the Social Worker from Hospice.
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Gd - I’m unsure of the post.
Are you saying your posts and your answers are missing?

I have only once seen something that was changed on my post and it was that I listed a specific Care company (just the wording was changed) but I was unaware that I wasn’t allowed to put the name and assumed it must have been against the site rules. But my post was not removed - just one word in it was.

What was removed? Responses in your own post? Your post itself?

Maybe try reposting - I’m sorry if this happened - my only suggestion would be try to reposting.
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