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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Ive decided, that I cannot bring her home & be a 24/7 caregiver in perpetuity. So many here had no choices...I'm making the choice for myself. Do I keep moving the bar? Do I ever tell her she's in her permanent landing place?
I am glad you made this decision. I think you must decide yourself when to tell her that this is now a permanent decision and how it must be. It will never be the "right time" and it will never be "easy" and you should expect anything in terms of alternating raging and grieving and tears. Is this not worth mourning? And if it isn't then what is? Let her express her grief. Know that you will receive the most of it and the brunt of it as she sees you as having the keys to the kingdom. She thinks you can reverse this. For your own sake, you shouldn't do that.
For myself I believe in honesty. Putting it off with false hope will add to the fury that is building, because quite honestly she likely already KNOWS. She just isn't ready to face it, nor perhaps are you. Dr Laura has an expression I use here over and over again. "Not everything can be fixed". In aging care, so full with losses, there are MANY things that cannot be fixed.
I wish you the best. You are taking full responsibility for your decision, but to be honest, in order to live a life without mental and physical breakdown yourself, there often is not a real choice ultimately. Please take care. Do the best you can. Remember, this isn't about "happiness". That flew the coop, as they say, a while ago.
She may be angry, but unfortunately, just like with small children (who also get angry) we have to make care decisions that our loved ones aren’t happy about.
I may let her bring up the subject. "When am I going home" "Sorry Mom but this is now your home. There is no way I can physically care for you. I, too, am a senior and your care now is too much for me"
If she has Dementia, I would not bother. If asks, tell a little white lie, not till the doctor says its OK. Or tell her once and don't bother to repeat it after that. They don't retain info.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I think you must decide yourself when to tell her that this is now a permanent decision and how it must be. It will never be the "right time" and it will never be "easy" and you should expect anything in terms of alternating raging and grieving and tears. Is this not worth mourning? And if it isn't then what is? Let her express her grief. Know that you will receive the most of it and the brunt of it as she sees you as having the keys to the kingdom. She thinks you can reverse this. For your own sake, you shouldn't do that.
For myself I believe in honesty. Putting it off with false hope will add to the fury that is building, because quite honestly she likely already KNOWS. She just isn't ready to face it, nor perhaps are you. Dr Laura has an expression I use here over and over again. "Not everything can be fixed". In aging care, so full with losses, there are MANY things that cannot be fixed.
I wish you the best. You are taking full responsibility for your decision, but to be honest, in order to live a life without mental and physical breakdown yourself, there often is not a real choice ultimately. Please take care. Do the best you can. Remember, this isn't about "happiness". That flew the coop, as they say, a while ago.
She may be angry, but unfortunately, just like with small children (who also get angry) we have to make care decisions that our loved ones aren’t happy about.
If she has Dementia, I would not bother. If asks, tell a little white lie, not till the doctor says its OK. Or tell her once and don't bother to repeat it after that. They don't retain info.