Anyone dealt with ADULT DHS/CPS in an investigation regarding you and your elderly parent?
Yesterday morning my mother fell. She called my cell phone (I live in my house with my husband about 15 minutes from her.) and left me a voice mail message telling me she had fallen and needed help. )I had not answered the phone because my phone had died and I forgot to plug it in last night before bed.) Mother asked me to come over there and help her get up. I could not get there because my car was getting the brakes looked at that I had dropped off the night before. Apparently mother called a friend of the family to come get her up and she did. She got her into her bed. Mother had said she had not slept in two days and was very weak. The family friend knows I was not the cause of mother falling and that I was not there. About an hour later, I called her nurse and told her that I am unable to meet her to let her in so she can do mother's vitals, etc. Her nurse gets there and inside and from that point on, I hear nothing about how my mother is doing. I go a couple of hours before calling her nurse and case worker. I am told she is in the hospital being evaluated and getting x-rays. (She broke her neck over a year ago due to being without oxygen from the power going out from a bad thunderstorm.) After finding out what hospital she was in, my husband and I jump in my car and take off to go to the hospital. On the way, not even 2 miles from my home... I am stopped at a stop light.waiting for the light to go green when BAM! Some young guy who was not paying attention, rear-ended me. I was an idiot and did not get the guy's plate number etc because I was in a hurry to get to the hospital to check on mother. Despite my husband asking me should we get his info. I had a friend drive me to my mother's house while my husband deals with the car. I grab the spare set of keys, pick up mom's car and drive to the hospital to check on her. I get into her room and break down. I am shakey, upset and crying and not quiet about what I had just endured regarding the car and all the stress I have been under since Thanksgiving when all of a sudden mother had had some type of CVA that left her not being able to talk well, her memory has major issues and she was weak. I start telling mother what happened to me and that this happened because I was going to go see her. She responded with, "I don't know, I just know I feel like I am being abused. " The nurse came in and told me I had to leave I was upsetting my mother. They had security escort me out and make sure I did leave. At this point I call everyone I had been in contact with social worker, friends and explain what just happened. From that point on, I was not able to find out any information about my mother's condition, prognosis, test results, etc. Because a woman in another state has POA. I guess it took place back in '05. Though I have not been shown any legal documents stating as such. So I have no idea if it is true or not. At some point while mother was in the hospital mother told the nurse that this woman had POA. And due to HIPAA, I am no longer allowed any info. I am mortified and livid! Today I was told by another family friend, that I am not wanted at mother's house. Despite my doing her cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, errands, etc which I have been doing for years. I am an only child and only living relative within 1000 miles. I also learned today from a family friend that there is an investigation going on. That mother now has someone there with her now 24/7 and that I am not to be told anything. Just so you know, I was put on her savings/checking accounts last week before all of this happened. The bad part for me is, I am on depression medication and I have a quick temper. People are automatically assuming I was the one who caused her falls/bruises, due to the fact that I have a temper and do not back down verbally, once I am being lied to, attacked, hurt, etc.. I sent most everyone involved a forwarded copy of my voice mail message that mother had made when she fell. It clearly shows that I was not there at the house. I have no idea what to do or what will happen next. I will be contacting an attorney where I live who deals with elder law tomorrow. Thank God for my sister and my husband who knows the truth that I did not harm her. Anyone had something like this happen to them? How did you deal with it? What was the outcome?
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An allegation of financial exploitation, nothing emotional or physical. The allegation was completely false which the invesigator was able to verify with a few people he interviewed. This was done by siblings that are afraid I have been spending my mom's money and taking reimbursements not discussed with other family members. I have been reimbursed very little over the past 18 months I have been here. My mother has not paid me for care and wants this addressed soon! She wants to pay me but a sibling is standing in the way of that, afraid of dwindling inheritance.
Perhaps if Mother's needs are being met in other ways (cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.) then when things settle down you can resume visiting her simply as a loving daughter and not as a caregiver.
I wonder if you are having a hard time accepting the changes in your mother and the change in the nature of your relationship? At one time it would have been very appropriate to tell your mother all about your car accident and you'd expect sympathy and comfort from her. Those days are over. She has dementia. She doesn't need to hear about your troubles. This is not her fault and it doesn't mean she loves you less. It means that she is no longer capable of playing the mother role. I can understand why the hospital asked you to leave. As for the rest of it, whether someone else has POA and even whether that makes any difference in hospital decisions, that could all be debated. But for now, let the investigation play out, let other measures be put into place to care for your mother, learn a little more about dementia, and work toward visiting your mother again.