My dad came home recently after an extended stay at the NH for therapy. By the grace of God a good friend of his decided to move in with for awhile to help out. After spending one night with dad, he asked if he was stubborn and I told him yes, Plus dad only wants to pay him $150 per month! He has been cooking, cleaning and doing jobs around the house. Today the friend told me that it is just to stressful for him ( he has had health issues as well but is able to work). I know dad and he has probably been very demanding etc. All I know is that I will not be forced into a situation I can not handle. His friend being there was a huge help to both of us. Dad was talking about the guy after one day saying he wants too much money. He only asked for $200 per month!
.. Sorry to hear that Dad.
.. That's too bad.
.. Hmm
Usually I say Advice, Let them decide, Consequences are theirs.
But you've advised enough.
Do not lift a finger for your Dad. Once you do one thing for him, he will expect more. If he was unsafely discharged, thats on Rehab for sending him home without help. I will bet he told discharge he had someone to care for him and they did not confirm that with the someone. Thats all on them. He lied and now look where he is. Maybe if he treated you and Mom better, you'd be more willing to help. He is self-centered. Only his needs are important. So he made his bed, he lays in it. Maybe after a few days make an anonymous call to APS to do a well check. Don't tell them who ur. Maybe that will get him on their radar.
Now she sits her home, alone in her filth, refusing to go to a facility and refusing caregiving assistance. She can afford it.
There is only so much that we can do.
Tg
Don't discuss this with your father or with his friend.
Stay out of this.
Remember, once you enter the circus ring the monkeys are all yours.
The basic answer indeed is " dont enter the circus ring"!
The advanced possibility, one I'm still learning and working on, and it varies depending on situation and the parent etc: "it is possible to indirectly help the circus as long as you fully protect yourself and dont get in the ring". You can advise circus management. You can help them manage the circus finances. etc etc. All on your own will and what you are comfortable and able to do without adversely affecting yourself. But dont get dragged into that ring and be the ringleader!
Absolutely nothing
He basically spit on a free lunch, he needs to pay the consequences for his actions not you.
Sometimes caregivers cannot draw a line in the sand, it is time for you to and stay behind the line.
Your father needs to understand that his bullying does not work. Stay out of it and do not be a crutch to your father by cooking, cleaning and so on.
He is not independent, he will figure it out if you back away,
If he wants to be home , he needs to figure out his own care .
Do not help him .
If they were able to change places with their caregivers!
I bet if they had to do the work of a hands on caregiver they would see things in a different light, instead of being so cheap and expecting so much from their caregivers.
Since this isn’t going to happen though, there is little that you can do other than listen to your dad complaining. By all means, don’t offer to help him. He will end up trying to take advantage of you.
Sorry that this situation didn’t work out well for your dad and his friend.
I don’t blame his friend for leaving. Sounds like it was a rotten deal for him. It could have been a great deal for your dad had he been appreciative and respectful to his friend.
Now your dad has to pay the consequences for his behavior. He is alone without help.
He "runs off the help"? So sad. Too bad. Dad now needs to figure out how to get HIS needs met.
He calls you for help? "No, Dad, I won't be doing that. We spoke about this. I told you no."
Do not go down that path, FB. This is NOT your responsibility.
Await the next crisis that sends him to the ER, hospital admission and rehab. Tell SW it's an unsafe discharge, nobody at home to help and that he fires the help.
Rinse. Repeat
He was helping your dad.
That kind of thinking is what gets caregivers into these relentless situations.
If your dad is able to live at home and make all the decisions let him.
If he calls the friend back the friend should tell him the price has gone up.
Save yourself a lot of heartache and just let him do without until he is forced to take action.
I'm sorry you are stressed over this.