Life isn't as easy as we think it can be and I am a true example of making the same mistake over and over. Last year I posted how my parents had not only verbally abused me throughout my life, then I was stuck bringing them to live with me when she had an accident and not a one soul was able to care for them. My sweet daughter and her husband asked me to let them live with them for a while in order to give me a mental break. I hesitated because I now that people who are evil will not change their stripes when you move them to another environment. For them it seemed convenient since I still sent food occasionally and she was receiving rent for their stay.
While living at ,my daughter's house, my son in law of 39 became ill and spent 3 months in ICU. She was teaching full time, taking care of the 2 girls under the age of 9. That's when hell broke loose. As soon as they realized her weakness, they acted out and in 2 occasions she hit my daughter.
My parents got Covid when they visited a grandson who was not vaccinated, which caused the little girls to get Covid as well. She refused to go to the hospital when her oxygen level went below 80 and we had no recourse but to call Hospice.
Now they are back with me. They are taking meds for anxiety, but I really think its not facing them the way they act. I hired a caregiver 5 hrs/day , 6 days/week. Now she is the bad person and its one insult after the other to the caregiver.
I'm hoping the meds finally calm them down so that I can find them a home. My concern is that I have been told the ALF will not keep them if they have a poor behavior and moments of aggression. Their income is around $2000/mo. but I'm willing to spend my retirement income to get peace.
You don't want them with you, and will get no judgment from me on that. I totally understand. Do not let the hospital or any social workers talk you into allowing them back into your home. They will make all kinds of promises and offers of unlimited help if you take them back.
It's all lies and you have to refuse. They won't do anything worthwhile that will be actual help to you. You don't want your parents with you and this is the never-fail way to get them out of your house.
You could go the route of the probate court in your town and petitioning them to make your parents Wards of the State because you cannot take care of them. Doing it this way also means that you will not be reponsible for settling their estate and affairs after they pass away. If you go with an ER dump you will still be on the hook to settle things like selling real estate and liquidating investments into cash to pay their care facility bills, and taking care of their final expenses.
call your county department for aged and disability… they can give you guidance for Medicaid placement …will help you with the Medicaid process…
keep your money..
They need to be admitted to a psychiatric facility.
Furthermore, if you spend your retirement income on your parents, that's another decision that leaves your DAUGHTER in a bad place! I sure hope you don't expect her to care for you in your old age when you have no savings b/c you spent it on your folks when Medicaid is there to do that very thing FOR them.
Allowing the abuse from your parents to continue, knowing what you know, and allowing your own retirement funds to be spent for their care for no good reason begs the question of your own mental health, in reality. Have you looked into therapy to figure out why you're doing such things?
Sorry, but if you post something like this, you're going to get truthful comments that aren't always easy to swallow.
The only reason I brought them back is because it wasn't fair for my daughter to have them at her house being to mean to the point of hitting her twice.
I have been going to therapy for the past 2 1/2 yrs trying to figure out the best scenario. And...Yes! they need to be placed somewhere else, I'm still looking for a place that will be willing to keep them.
Hope is nice... But what you need here is ACTION.
Find that Home.
To me I think you your hope is stopping you from proceeding. *Hoping* they will change?... Show love? I don't know..
Ask yourself what is REALLY stopping you?
Apply for Medicaid and get them in a nice NH. Then, let the State take over their care. Become hard to contact. Block the NHs #.
When her grandma hit her, your daughter should have called the police and ask that she be removed and not to bring her back because she was scared for her children.
You have an option, Medicaid. Use it.
You know that they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. To that I say if the shoe fits you might as well wear it.
You call them evil. Yet you are willing to spend YOUR income that you will need for your own old age on them? That is a continuation of some really poor decision making that could impact your OWN old age and well being for a lifetime.
I think you might want to consider professional help. Get someone who has real skills to hope you comb all this out; it's a much better use of your funds. Licensed Social Workers are very often very good at this life transitions work.
Wishing you the very best.