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What is the cause?


I am dealing with two people who are in their 70s with Alzhemier's Disease. They are very hostile and aggressive with everyone. Can it be a health or environmental issue causing this behavior? I am out of ideas! I feel like I want to separate myself from the situation. The relatives involved can hire a professional nurse to help. I am tired of feeling guilty when I go above and beyond to help. I have my own life and career. I did not do anything to these relatives to deserve this type of violent and combative behavior. They curse at me, throw objects, hide objects, wake up at 3 AM and argue, etc. I would say that enough is enough. They also refuse to let people help them. I am not close to these relatives and I have helped them out with money and other needs. They always curse at me and tell me that I am nothing. They curse at everyone in the family! I want to move on with life and have my own children. It is not natural for me to take care of everything for people who abuse my good nature. When these relatives were of sound mind, they treated me in an abusive way. They took money from everyone in the family. I am tired of listening to their delusions and hallucinations when it is not my fault. I have my own gynecological issues from two miscarriages. I am not being selfish by wanting to complete law school and work. I am also in law school right now. I feel that I do not owe them anything. They have struck me and spit in my face. They also had other incidents of combative and violent behavior. A few years ago, they committed acts of identity theft and grand larceny. They completely destroyed my property and everything in my life without any remorse. I do not feel that I owe them anything. I am successful at what I do. They hated me because I sang opera and wanted to be a lawyer. Now that they are sick and have an infestation of rats in their living facilities, they expect me to take care of everything for them. I am fed up with this crap. I want to hire them a professional nurse and move on. Should I take them to court for any damages? I think that they are competent enough to understand right from wrong.


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1. Read up on the various stages of Alzheimer's; there is in fact a combative and aggressive stage.

2. The fact that they committed identity theft and grand larceny provides insight into their characters, which may or may not be influenced by Alzheimers. If they've been engaged in criminal activity before, it's a reflection of their personalities, probably made worse by the combative stage of Alzheimers.

3. Follow Pam's and Eyerish's advice. Get out of there. I would question why also you feel the need to be there when other family members are not, although once in caregiving, especially with difficult family, it's somewhat like quicksand and people often need help and encouragement to justify leaving the situation.

4. If you still feel that need, ask yourself what is it you could possibly accomplish If you remain in this bad situation.
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The biggest difference is that some families are willing to give meds and some refuse to allow the patient to be medicated. Find another job, walk away and report the "elders at risk" to APS.
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They have Alzheimer's. Their brains are diseased. That's why they behave the way they do. It's a very difficult thing to handle and if you're in a position to walk away then do it. But as pam said, call Adult Protective Services before you do.
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If you could get out do so. I cant imagine why you would stay. Get on with your life.
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