Discuss the situation with two therapists no brainstorming solutions. Reached out to civic organizations trying to find the answer with no luck. I’m not willing to dish out another $500 or more for an attorney to talk at length and not give me any concrete answers.
Have no idea how to proceed.
Check your area for legal aid so you can talk with an attorney, perhaps free or lower cost. You may have too much income/money to qualify for that, but can't hurt to try. If you have money, just find another attorney and ask for a consult before you pay. When I needed an elder attorney for someone, I took all the documents I could find and asked questions. At the end of the conversation he said to proceed with this, it will cost XX dollars.
Do you affiliate with a faith group? Some clergy may be able to help direct you. Note " some".... Not all..
A larger church 'may' have better possibility of this than a smaller church.
Another option: Competent, Licensed, Social Services ( Social Workers) 'should' be another option for you to get some clarity and direction.
Make all of your " pre arranged" end of life preferences ( burial vs cremation etc etc) with a funeral/ cremation services of your choice.
Be sure that you have in place end of life documents and copies provided to PCP, any facility you may be in , and copies in a prominent place in your home( if at home) .... A Licensed Social Worker ( competent) should be able to help you with these and directions ...
Speak with your PCP ( Primary Care Physician) ( you may already have done this) about your situation; they may or may not be able to refer you to appropriate services...
Dont feel badly about the lack of support - many are in this situation.
Make arrangements for everything, just as you wish! Find a wonderful charity you would like to support with your estate.
Dont feel the need to support those that won’t support you.
To protect your assets to be used for your care I would think a trust could be setup with your money.
Then that money is used for your care and housing etc should you become incapacitated.
Honestly if your lawyer didn't tell you about this option it may be time to get a new lawyer.
None of this is fun to think about and all of us tend to avoid these decisions. But best IMHO if pre planning is done so your wishes are carried out and it is not a legal hot mess for someone else to work through (be that family, friends or frankly the State).
As far as wills go, you can specify in your will that all your money except $1 go to a charity or another person. Specifically state in the will that your child receive $1 (or even something from your home, like your China or photos). That will force her/him to come to the reading of the Will, and since you left him/her SOMETHING, he/she will not be able to dispute the will in court.
"money was given to my disabled, brother that has cancer, MS and diabetes, and his wife turned around and bought a rental"
Why do u think the State would get involved with something like this? What you should have done, was pay the bills they couldn't directly. Never just hand over money. Lesson learned I guess. So this means u can't trust SIL. Sad.
In my experience with my SFIL, an organization called Lutheran Social Services was who became his guardian (as his case was being handled by the county and he had Parkinsons and refused to assign a PoA). In my dealings with them, there was always more than 1 person in communication with me, so more like a team. I'm not sure if the org was his guardian and the team were his assigned managers but it seemed that way. Maybe see if there is such a non-profit org in your state that you can assign a pre-need guardianship.
This same SFIL was a trustee for many years a very wealthy mentally disabled relative, along with an attorney, so there was a check & balance system for financially managing her affairs.
Do you even know where she is or if she is dead or alive?
If it is medical decisions then be certain that your Advance Directive is registered. Kaiser ASKED us last year to put ours on record.
Should be entered into your MD's records also.
If there is no family and a person has passed to the place where medical care, in the opinion of the doctor is of little use, then the doctor will make the decisions if there is no family present, usually with the help of social services, a sort of board where decisions are made for those alone and with no one.
If you are worried you will face dementia and no one to act for you do know that social services will be called upon to contact a judge to appoint a court appointed Fiduciary to handle your affairs, your placement.
If you are alone a will copy should be carefully placed where it can be found.
Are there other things I am missing? Let me know. And if you feel increasingly unable to handle things do consider a licensed Fiduciary.
money was given to my disabled, brother that has cancer, MS and diabetes, and his wife turned around and bought a rental property with the money that was supposed to be used to take care of his medical expenses. When the state was informed, they did nothing absolutely nothing. Absolutely NOTHING. The system in my state is broken.
When my husband and I updated our wills we worked with an attorney who was describing his role with clients such as yourself. It should offer peace of mind.
It is money well spent for that peace of mind.