Am I in the wrong?

This is still the crises. Of MIL being the 3rd person in the marriage, to MIL's health crises, to the process of MIL being re-homed.

Maybe let the dust settle on these very big events.

The husband may become quite shattered through this & need to rebuild himself into a solid person first. With his own new boundaries towards his Mother. This may take time.

Then, re-establishing your marriage as a 2 person relationship again may take time.

I have a completely different feeling than many others, I don't feel like I should judge your and your husband's relationship over one paragraph. They may be right he sounds like a jerk. But this is a one quick paragraph, on your side of things.

I know this is not a popular post, so hold back the remarks please . My opinion is I can't judge your relation ship outta one paragraph. You need to do what you think is right. Only you know how you feel and what you want

What a turn of events Angie! Any chance you’ll have the house locks rekeyed and hubby and his mom’s stuffed bagged up on the lawn before he gets back?! Seems extreme I know, but wow, if anyone ever deserved a new start it’s you

Angie,
Why is your husband still your husband?
He's just treated you really badly.

Being single can be lonely, but so can an unhappy marriage. You truly need to learn to love yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect, consideration and compassion. Without all of those, all of the time, there cannot be any real love.

Of course you’re not wrong.

Move them both out.

Make an appointment with a divorce lawyer. The consult is usually free. You want a lot of documentation here.

They are admitting her to the hospital and she will not be coming back to my house she will be placed somewhere, where I'm not sure but I will be speaking with her caseworker at the hospital and informing her of EVERYTHING

Why would you guys try to hoist this woman on anyone else? That is, quite frankly, as messed up as it gets.

She can go to a shelter if she has no place else to go. Or better yet, a group home for the mentally ill.

I will guarantee you that you will end up in serious trouble if you don't handle this to a DONE now. She will move back in, because your spouse has no backbone to let her suffer the consequences of her actions, she will make more accusations to cause you guys untold misery or she will injure herself and cry abuse.

I, strongly, encourage you and your husband to let the authorities get her placed, whatever that looks like but, DON'T do this to anyone else.

IMHO, i too would welcome the authorities stepping in and I would not allow mom back home. ALSO, as for your husband... Id have to have a serious talk with him. He threatened you with divorce now he's back stepping. Hmmm . I don't like that,but that's me. May be a good time to live alone again. Best of luck!
Ps. Never feel bad for protecting yourself...never.

Hi Angie:
Thanks for your update that hubby's mom is now taken to ER where she is claiming hubby hit her. You sound very frightened and want to know what you can do.
Do first of all know when an elder or ANYONE else in ER makes an accusation, no matter how outlandish or confuse it may "seem", those in ER are "mandated reporters" who HAVE to report to APS, to the authorities for investigation.

Be cooperative and open your house willingly, and ALSO--here's a REALLY GOOD IDEA--show them your posts here on AC. Let them know that things at home have not been good and no one knows any more how to care for "mom". Tell them you do not want her back in your home with these accusations. And insist she have placement in care. This not only insures her own safety, but it insures you against further accusations. I agree with CourageousKid. This is your opportunity to get mom placement.

You have a few ways to look at this, and for me, I would WELCOME the authorities and tell them "Thank god she made these false accusations, because she has finally let her son know we absolutely cannot go on attempting to care for her for our own safety and well being."
This could be a gift.

Do not worry about her accusations.

The police will run a check on her and see her long lovely documented law enforcement history.

Remember she will be discharged and job one is --- DO NOT TAKE HER BACK.

Go in her room and put all her belongings in a bag -NOW. Put them outside the front door or in the garage.

He needs to understand this and tell them at the hospital - he cant take her and bring her back to "find a solution". Let the hospital do it.

Welllll so far none of his cousins will take her apparently they know of her ways. Wish me luck on where she may go.

Update: My husband has just taken his mom to the ER and now she's saying he's been threatening to hit her which he hasn't. He's seen the light and is now saying she's no longer welcome at our house after catering to her EVERY whim. What in the world am I to do? Those are EXTREMELY serious charges. I'm so upset by all this, I'm physically shaking. She has not been taking her medications either. Which I'm sure can only hurt her mental well being.

He is counting on you being too nice of a person to throw his mom out. I say you own the cold hearted label.

Wow!!! I've been reading everything and I'm awed!! This is not a marriage, its a manipulative B-terd that only cares for himself. He obviously has had enough of his mother but couldn't find a way to place her? Where's her money at? Did she have property that he sold and refused to use it for her care? My first thought.....OK, my second thought is does he have POA over her? Did he take her finances and disregard his duties for her welfare? If he did and I wouldn't put it past him to do it to you. He's going to suck you mentally, physically and financially dry! When someone accuses you of being something you're not, it's usually the other way around, he's the cold-hearted one! Just how does he think he can support himself when he quit his job, where's he going to go? He's been learning manipulative behavior from his mother, people who have dependencies get very manipulative! They learn these "tricks" to get what they want without remorse,they're professionals at that. It's not you, it's him! Don't let him take your power/energy/home! In fact, kick him out of the bedroom and he can "bunk" with mom in hers. If he did indeed squander his mothers finances where's her SS/ maybe disability check at/going? Is it going into his account? Is this the money he's living on besides yours? His care for her seems pretty unlawful and he could face charges if he leaves her with you. Whoever has guardianship over her is in deep doo doo and it's NOT YOU!!! You entered a commitment between the both of you, it didn't say for better or worse or Mom! I feel really bad for you and your heart ♥, what you're going through must be tearing you apart. Chalk it up as another life experience that you need for future use, what doesn't kill us,makes us stronger! Be strong and let his behavior wash off of you, don't play his game! You got this!!!

I was told once by a someone working in mental health, that people with Sz require supervised or assisted living. That living truly independantly can be too hard a challenge for them. I don't know people's experience to that..

In my experience I can see how someone needing daily help in the 'executive functioning' area of life needs a 'parent' type person. A 'Caretaker' person to help them.

A close relative often becomes this person. I've seen this a few times now with a sibling. Like they are living the same life. Alternatively, can be the opposite & siblings become estranged.

I guess there is only so much one can do if the close relative with Sz is so heavily leaning on you all the time - dependant on you for everything!

So here.. the husband could be taking on that is Caretaker role for his Mother. It ate up his life. Then in turn, he wants a Caretaker to provide for them both! Like a never ending snowball UNLESS spmeone has STRONG boundaries.

Which Anglie will.

Hi Angie - Fortunately, this has been a short marriage....and you can begin a brand, new life - He and his mother are weighing you down. I am sure you're going to feel a whole lot better when this situation is behind you. It's better to be on your own than be saddled with these freeloaders. They both should leave as a package deal. Of course, he's going to try to "guilt" you into keeping his mother there....you would have to be tremendously naive and gullible not to see that.

You deserve someone who treats you well and appreciates you - he's not the one. It will feel liberating without either one of them! You asked "if you are in the wrong" - you will be "in the wrong" if you keep either of them in the picture - focus on taking care of yourself with a better life!

Evict her. Divorce him. Today.

I'm so sorry - but I read your post three times to make sure I read it right.

Did you just say that your H (I'm not even giving him the D) moved his paranoid schizophrenic mother into your home, he quit his job to take care of her, expected you to work full time and take care of the entire home alone, now he has decided that HIS mother had caused too many problems in your marriage and he wants a divorce.

But he wants YOU to keep HIS mother???

Your reward for all of this time of hell, the dissolution of your marriage and family at the hands of your H, and the impacts to YOUR mental health and he has the absolute audacity to think he is going to leave her with you?

I want to believe this is some kind of bait joke post but there are really people out there like this.

I don't usually jump to this but what the heck - find yourself the best divorce lawyer in town, lock them down, and get them BOTH out of your house. He didn't leave and cleave and now he just wants to leave and make you cleave to his family.

If he leaves, you call the Police or APS and tell them that he abandoned his mother. That you cannot care for her and that you did not agree to do so. That he walked away knowing this. And that you need them to ensure that he picks his mother up from YOUR home, or you will take her to the nearest hospital and check her in and leave his name as the NOK.

Not your your monkeys, not your circus. Not your problem.

Cold as ice. Show him just HOW cold and kick him AND the old lady out immediately, wishing then the Best of Luck.

The end. Thank God.

Dh must've inherited some of mother's mental illness traits if he thinks for ONE SECOND you'd be willing to keep her once he divorces you! 🤣😂😃😆. Really, that's rich. Best I've heard in awhile.

Of course you're not wrong. You're well rid of both of them. Now go spend some of your $$$$ on YOURSELF!

I don’t see any reason why you would want to stay married to this man .

1) He’s in your house
2) He doesn’t work or do any housework
3) He has you taking care of HIS Mom .
4) He wants to leave , get his freedom and leave his Mom with you .

Your husband is a lazy parasite. like a tick . He fed off you and now is looking to leave for greener pastures AND leaving his unfinished business behind .

Go to a divorce lawyer , get him and Mom out .

Nope. You are absolutely right if what you are saying is that either he leaves with her, or she leaves.

Your house. Your rules.

Your husband isn't suddenly going to turn into a really nice considerate human being. He's going to be who he is from now on.

Your MIL has upended your life, and your husband doesn't care. Even worse, he threatens you with divorce.

I'd see a divorce lawyer right away. Find out your rights. I hope your husband isn't part owner of the house now, did you put his name on the deed? Take all important papers to the lawyer appointment.

If you want a divorce, you can do it, and moreover, you could have the papers served to husband while you're gone on a vacation. Surprise, surprise, HE threatened divorce, but you got to it first! That will send him into a tizzy for sure! This could be accompanied by a notice that he is to move both himself and his mother out by such-and-such a date.

Then you're rid of him, you're rid of her, and you get your life back. Whatever your single life turns out to be, you'll be better off than you are now. I see NO advantage to continuing on this miserable course, which will only get worse.

How long have you been married? This is one selfish husband. Why should u be taking Mom to the bank, is he not capable? He brought her into the house, she is his responsibility. And as a stay at home husband, he should be doing the housework, cooking and caring for Mom. This is one lazy man.

If he leaves without Mom, you call Adult Protection Services. Tell them you will not care for her. See that lawyer ASAP. If you have kept your finances separate, that is good. If you have not been married long, thats good.

If you supported yourself before, and now supporting 3 people, you can support yourself again. Talk to a lawyer about divorcing this man and his Mom. Mom is his responsibility not yours.

Consider yourself lucky that he wants a divorce.
Consider yourself lucky that you owned the house before you got married.
Get yourself to a good divorce lawyer.
I do hope the two of them are happy living together....someplace else.

Your husband does not want to be married to you anymore. It has nothing to do with his mother. You not wanting his rude, pushy, entitled, schitzophrenic mother living in your house and ruining your homelife is not an unreasonable demand. He is taking your very valid reasons for wanting her out and using them as the excuse to break up the marriage.

You DO NOT have to financially support his a$$ because he quit working and wants to stay home with "mommy" like a little kid. Then on top of that still expects you to maintain the home? I don't think so.

Sister, please. Have some respect for yourself because you deserve better than this. Every woman does. Visit a divorce lawyer. First consultations are usually free so it won't cost you anything. If the house was yours before the two of you married it is not joint or communal property. If his name was never put on the deed, it is not a marital asset. A divorce lawyer will explain all of this to you. Please see one.

In the meantime, you do absolutely NOTHING for your husband or his mother. You DO NOT cook for them, grocery shop for them, run errands, wash clothes, no rides, nothing. Take your meals elsewhere too. Don't even eat with them.

If your MIL refuses to turn the bathroom light off, take the bulbs out. If she refuses to turn off the tv and radio in her room, take the tv and radio away. If neither your man or his mother are contributing financially to the household, they don't get a say. If you're the one paying for everything and everyone and it sure sounds like you are, YOU ARE the king in your castle and it was your castle to begin with. Start acting like one.

Visit that divorce lawyer and your life back. It's hard when a marriage ends. I am twice divorced myself. It's not easy, but you'll be all right. Let your husband and his mommy walk off into the sunset together and good luck to them. Take your life back.

God luck to you and please keep us updated. I'm interested in your story.

Nope not in the wrong. Your soon to be ex-husband is an idiot if he thinks you would be foolish enough to allow his mother to continue living with you after he moves out. I really hope you are going to dump him and his mother and get on with your life. You deserve better than this.

You are 100 percent right! Your husband married you not his mom. Let them live alone see how much fun you husband has .

Get rid of both of them. This is not fair to you.

Best of luck, keep us posted

Wow! Just wow. Is your husband on the deed? Has he filed for divorce? He's freakin crazy if he thinks MIL should stay with YOU! Ummm, hard no on that one.

For your sleep, are you doing things like a white noise machine, ear plugs, eye mask, etc etc.? Is she on meds? Doesn't sound like it or they need some tweaking.

What a mess. Sorry.