I'm 30 and I've been living with and caring for my emotionally abusive mom for eight years now.
It's 3:30 am and my anxiety is acting up because of s****y things my mom did to me and my older sister recently. My older sister doesn't live with me, but she's been one of the few lifelines of support I have.
I'm just tired of feeling so alone as a young adult caregiver with no friends. Not a lot of people acknowledge young caregivers and it has been a LOT to deal with.
In my opinion, it is a terrible idea to care for parents who have abused you.
How do you plan to support yourself after your parents pass away?
What did she get angry about?
Are you living with mom? Is she in a home you own or she owns or is it rented?
From what I have read, If were your mom I would be sick and tired of my 30 something kids living with me. Time for your own life.
Sorry, but we really need information that tells us WHY you feel mom needs care.
Or are you looking for support strategies regarding your Mother's behaviour?
Or are you looking for a bigger escape, like right out the door? Or maybe something else? Do you work? Study? Have/want a partner?
Do you get any councelling or other support? It can be life-changing to have support to work out what direction you want to take & how to make steps there.
She also gets heartburn or nauseous easily if she eats too much or catches "bad air" that causes her to feel really cold and clammy.
As for why she got angry, my older sister tried to do something nice by hiring someone to renovate one of our bathrooms and my mom did nothing but complain the entire time. The poor renovation guy felt so unwelcome that he charged my sister an extra $200, which ended up coming from my bank account.
Also, I do live with my mom and I work from home, but I don't make enough to support myself alone. Also, my dad passed away in 2012.
Honestly, I just want more support as a caregiver. Therapy would be nice, but it's expensive and I am reluctant to see one since I had a bad experience with a previous therapist a decade ago.
Your mother has ‘some mobility issues. She has trouble taking off jackets, can't lift heavy things, and can't bend down too much’. Most of that applies to me, and I certainly don’t need a caregiver. I don’t wear clothes that I can’t take off. Hardly anyone does.
‘She also gets heartburn or nauseous easily if she eats too much or catches "bad air" that causes her to feel really cold and clammy’. A lot of people get heartburn or nausea if they eat too much. She needs to eat less, and more slowly. She doesn’t need a carer to do that. I don’t know how your local air has turned ‘bad’, but if she gets cold she should put on more clothing (obviously not a jacket).
I should apologise for not giving you what you want, ie ‘more support as a caregiver’. But honestly, it sounds crazy.
As I get older I can see the appeal of wearing big dresses & big beads I can put on easily over my head. No tiny buttons, no zips, no fiddly clasps. Cruiseship wear 😉
Shelves all at waist height so less bending down, or up.
Grocery delivery service, maybe a box of fresh ingredients I can assemble just the way I want without too much effort.
Some of my age-proof plans! Luv 'em but I do NOT want my kids still here.
Please don't get mad 😊just a question I want you to think about. Margaret has a point. Do you think you are disabling your Mom. I had a friend who had numerous health problems. Would have loved to have someone "care" for her and would have taken advantage of it. Like Margaret said, a lot of people have Gerd. You eat slowly and don't eat the foods that cause the problem. There are grabbers that u can use to pick up things off the floor. If you can get a doctor's order, Medicare will pay for a physical therapist to come into your home and evaluate Mom. Help her get more mobile.
You are entitled to a life. Can u work from home and have maybe a p/t job to help get some money saved so u can get a place of your own. I bet Mom can do more than u think but its easier for you to do it.
Yet.. staff reported seeing her walking all around her room earlier, sorting, packing her bags. Twisting, lifting etc.
I just wonder what happened... I pictured her scurrying around doing what she liked when he popped out to the shops.
I don't know what sort of condition that is but it must have been some sort of mental illness.
Tired, I am not suggesting your Mother is mentally ill - but chronic pain or illness does have a way of crushing people & depression can creep in & become a permanent resident.
I have been truly amazed at some of the things my relative can do now, with no training, just that others stopped doing those things.