Hi everyone. After Mom passed over 2 months ago I was encouraged to “do something” to help take my mind off the grief. Travel was an idea often mentioned and I finally had the “freedom” I desired so…why not?
It is definitely distracting to be out and about, seeing new things, having nice experiences and feeling lucky I am able to do this. But if the price of this freedom I thought I desperately wanted is coming home to Mom being gone, well, I’d trade it back. I find myself seeing something and thinking “oh, Mom will enjoy hearing that story” or finding an interesting stone to take back to Mom, only to remember she’s not here anymore.
After much thought I concluded I wasn’t anywhere near emotionally ready to handle the unpredictability and stress of travel on top of the sadness that just sits on my heart. Heck, I even started crying in a German castle!
I’m supposed to be heading out again in a month but I don’t know how to tell my spouse I don’t think I am ready to go anywhere again so soon, primarily because I can’t handle the stress-triggering emotional meltdowns. It would be a huge disappointment for someone who has already waited so long for me to be “free” to pick up and leave and I don’t want to let her down.
Has anyone else been in this situation, trying to balance your grief with the needs of your spouse?
"but I don’t know how to tell my spouse I don’t think I am ready to go anywhere again so soon, primarily because I can’t handle the stress-triggering emotional meltdowns. "
I know that feeling VERY well indeed. Tell him how you feel...straight up. You are allowed to feel....WHATEVER you feel. Own it. It's ok. It's not right or wrong.
I have been in a situation with my hubby where he completely invalidates how I feel many times. It happens much less now as I own my feelings much more. He doesn't have to understand, maybe he can't, but if/when he invalidates how I feel...I assert my boundary there and he just listens. Hope helpful! Best wishes!
What you might need is just some down time. A chance to relax, regroup and find your center.
After caring for someone leaving right away for a long trip or multiple trips might be just a way to not deal with what is right at "home". Accepting the grief, dealing with it and learning how to be YOU again.
If this next trip can be postponed I would do that OR make it a real low key, relaxed easy going trip where you don't HAVE to do something every minute. Encourage your spouse to go do what they want if you want to stay poolside, or on a porch reading a book.
What helped me get over losing both my parents was to start working on a family tree. I realized I didn't know who were my parent's cousins, grandparents, their parent's siblings, etc. What a treasurer it was finding so many people in their history. I found photos and newspaper clipping. I even found cattle rustlers :) Yes, all those people had also passed on which helped me understand the circle of life a little bit better.