My weak, very passive, with a brain injury adult son is bedridden in a home. He never refuses or has ever refused any bathing or hygiene. He often doesn’t speak. Caregivers say they clean him only with bed baths using castor oil, water and a washcloth. I provided actual hair shampoo without conditioners and gentle body soap because he was frequently smelling sour and looks greasy. Not sure if they using it though. What is the yellowish, chunky, greasy build-up in his hair? If you comb through his hair it will stick to the comb. It’s disgusting. I’ve never seen or even heard of this before. His hair looks greasy and if you move his short hair it will stay like that that like rarely washed or has a build-up.
Your son’s quality of life is clearly very poor, many of us would not wish to live with it. As your son is so young this will probably go on for the rest of your life. If you die first, will the quality of life for him be even worse? You are sacrificing a lot for him. Perhaps counseling about your own life might be a good thing.