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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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There are many days where I have the same questions within 5 minutes. Initially I found myself saying, "as I said..." and then realized that just made Mom feel like she goofed up. Now I just answer the questions like it's the first time they were asked - sometimes she'll say "oh, that's right - you just told me" and other times it's like new information again. I just go with it - I figure, at least I don't need to come up with a lot of subjects to talk about when we're together!
I just answer them again. It does no good to tell them you already told them something, it just frustrates them and makes them feel bad. It may drive you nuts but put yourself in their place. They wouldn't be asking if they knew the answer. So have a heart and tell them, again, over and over and over. Just think of it as one more thing to do for someone you love and it won't kill you in the process.
I'm 74. For years and years I have had a memory issue. Especially with people's names (that one from childhood). I'm also hyperactive and my minds go 100 mile an area which makes remembering even harder as it jumps from one thing to another. I had a LOT of friends that I see a lot. I'm very active with my church, ukulele playing, and the people I live with in my apartment building as well as other friends. So it makes it hard to remember who I told what. My sister in law has a very bad habit of interrupting me when I go to tell her something. (and she wonders why I don't visit a lot) But it's not necessary because I'm telling her something I've told her before, it's usually because I'm giving her a snippet of something I know I told her before but after a few sentences it's going to lead to something new. When she does that it completely wipes out of my mind the new stuff I was going to tell her. I've learned to start out with, "I know I told you such and such but..." and then hope I can keep in my mind what I wanted to add before it's gone. With my friends I just ask.... "did I tell you about?" (that doesn't work with my sister in law) From personal experience I can tell you how horrible it can be to so badly want to interact with someone and have almost every conversation be interrupted by someone so you can't even have a conversation. I did get on her about it and she's getting better at not interrupting me. I'm not so bad I'm asking the same questions or telling the same story every five minutes but if and when that time comes I hope that someone I'm talking to will have enough love in their heart to hear me out or maybe wait and maybe gently interrupted me with, "Oh yeah, I remember you telling me that..." and then go on with the conversation making me feel like a valued friend.
When someone interrupts me I find that saying "let me finish" helps. It shocks them into realizing they are being rude to interrupt and usually works. Listening is a skill and sadly so many especially women do not have it.
2 things that have helped us: 1. We got both sets of parents an American Lifetime clock. It tells the day, the time and even morning, afternoon, evening. It’s in large black and white to make it easier to see. https://www.google.com/search?q=memory+clock&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#idx=Walmart&pie=plar-ti. We got ours at Amazon. 2. We got an 11x14 white board (dry erase) and we update it with the answers to the things they obsess about the most. Like when we moved my MIL to MC we wrote on dad’s board: “ Mom is in a different building 2 houses down so they can help her more and you can get more rest. 2. you can go see her in a few days when she gets settled in. 3. yes, you can afford this. Blair is taking care of all the bills and accounts and he said you are fine financially. 4. She will not be moving back. This is a permanent situation. 5. There is no cure for what she has. She will have good days and bad days. 6. If she says unkind things, it’s not really her, it’s her condition and how it has affected her brain. 7. If you can’t find something, go ask the staff to help you first. They are there, we are not. If you still can’t find it with their help. Write it down on your notepad and we’ll take care of it on Saturday if it’s not an emergency. 8. We know this is hard and we are praying for you and for mom.
we keep it in his room on the wall by his chair so he can refer to it often. We update it as needed depending on the loop 10”. It really has helped.
Joeyrenee, Unfortunately, what you describe is part of having dementia. It takes the patience of a saint to deal with them. I found this aspect of Alzheimer’s especially wearing. I decided to count how many times the same things were said. She said, “There’s itching powder in my clothes.” 35 times in one day and “I have a terrible headache.” 27 times. Sometimes the same sentence was said a couple of times within a minute. *It didn’t seem to matter if anyone made a comment or explanation or not, she was still going to say it. *Distraction (talking about something else or walking around) did not work. She was focused on those two subjects. *Getting mad did not work. They don’t understand that they are repetitive, so they don’t understand WHY you’re mad. *IF the dementia isn’t very advanced you may be able to give an answer and they will be satisfied. It helps writing it down where they can see it. This doesn’t work in advanced (late stage 5 and 6) dementia. The mind has lost most comprehension ability.
Could you make a little video on your phone and play it every time the same questions/subjects come up? At least you wouldn’t have to be saying it each time.
Remember, their brains are broken. They can’t help how things are processed and what comes out of their mouths. We aren’t used to communicating with them on this level and it is beyond frustrating. Don’t get mad at them, just like you wouldn’t get mad at an autistic child for not being able to understand.
Go take your frustrations out somewhere else (sports, walking, reading, yoga, meditation, talking with friends (but watch that you don’t over-do with that), etc.)
There is no answer or solution to this. You can’t avoid it, you must go through it. How you handle it will be for YOUR benefit, not his/hers.
If you have a connection with a higher power, I’d suggest prayer. That helped me. Possibly join a support group for families of dementia victims. Come back here and vent anytime you need to. We’ve been there and done that.
I’m sorry for you both. You will get through this because you have to. And, this too shall pass.
Oh yes, that’s very frustrating to listen to, isn’t it? All you can do is answer the question again, and again, and pray for patience. Eventually you may find that your LO may not remember from one minute to the next. Try very hard not to lose your patience. If it’s something that really needs to be recalled, like appointments, upcoming events, etc make sure they are written down on a calendar or posted on a wall. Does their doctor know about the forgetfulness?
My mother does the same thing. I'll say "oh, yes, I remember you telling me about that" if she repeats a story (and she does, often!) When she asks a question repeatedly I just "go with the flow". It's kind of like having a toddler around sometimes, it feels like to me anyway. She lives with us so it's an every day occurrence. Really, just let it go and don't get frustrated. It's so much easier that way.
Even though it is very frustrating to continually repeat a response try to do so with patience, easier said than done. I over saw my mother's care for about 3 years between AL and MC. In the end seeing her just staring off into space, I'd rather hear the repeated questions. She is gone now, 6 months this week and I'd give anything to hear her voice again. Cherish the time, it is a blessing to be able to care for our loved ones. Patience and prayers got me through.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
1. We got both sets of parents an American Lifetime clock. It tells the day, the time and even morning, afternoon, evening. It’s in large black and white to make it easier to see. https://www.google.com/search?q=memory+clock&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#idx=Walmart&pie=plar-ti. We got ours at Amazon.
2. We got an 11x14 white board (dry erase) and we update it with the answers to the things they obsess about the most. Like when we moved my MIL to MC we wrote on dad’s board: “
Mom is in a different building 2 houses down so they can help her more and you can get more rest.
2. you can go see her in a few days when she gets settled in.
3. yes, you can afford this. Blair is taking care of all the bills and accounts and he said you are fine financially.
4. She will not be moving back. This is a permanent situation.
5. There is no cure for what she has. She will have good days and bad days.
6. If she says unkind things, it’s not really her, it’s her condition and how it has affected her brain.
7. If you can’t find something, go ask the staff to help you first. They are there, we are not. If you still can’t find it with their help. Write it down on your notepad and we’ll take care of it on Saturday if it’s not an emergency.
8. We know this is hard and we are praying for you and for mom.
we keep it in his room on the wall by his chair so he can refer to it often. We update it as needed depending on the loop 10”. It really has helped.
I bet it will help.
Unfortunately, what you describe is part of having dementia. It takes the patience of a saint to deal with them. I found this aspect of Alzheimer’s especially wearing. I decided to count how many times the same things were said.
She said, “There’s itching powder in my clothes.” 35 times in one day and “I have a terrible headache.” 27 times. Sometimes the same sentence was said a couple of times within a minute.
*It didn’t seem to matter if anyone made a comment or explanation or not, she was still going to say it.
*Distraction (talking about something else or walking around) did not work. She was focused on those two subjects.
*Getting mad did not work. They don’t understand that they are repetitive, so they don’t understand WHY you’re mad.
*IF the dementia isn’t very advanced you may be able to give an answer and they will be satisfied. It helps writing it down where they can see it. This doesn’t work in advanced (late stage 5 and 6) dementia. The mind has lost most comprehension ability.
Could you make a little video on your phone and play it every time the same questions/subjects come up? At least you wouldn’t have to be saying it each time.
Remember, their brains are broken. They can’t help how things are processed and what comes out of their mouths. We aren’t used to communicating with them on this level and it is beyond frustrating.
Don’t get mad at them, just like you wouldn’t get mad at an autistic child for not being able to understand.
Go take your frustrations out somewhere else (sports, walking, reading, yoga, meditation, talking with friends (but watch that you don’t over-do with that), etc.)
There is no answer or solution to this. You can’t avoid it, you must go through it. How you handle it will be for YOUR benefit, not his/hers.
If you have a connection with a higher power, I’d suggest prayer. That helped me.
Possibly join a support group for families of dementia victims. Come back here and vent anytime you need to. We’ve been there and done that.
I’m sorry for you both. You will get through this because you have to. And, this too shall pass.
Blessings to you.
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