Oh my gosh, I sure hope not. I am hoping that the next generation after our elderly parents are taking notes because retirement and slowing down seems to be coming at us at a fast clip.
At 68 years old, I know I am not quite ready for a retirement village this year even though they look very inviting. Currently I can hire people to do the yard work, do repair work, and cleaning people as I am becoming lazy because I am too tired physically and emotionally dealing with my aging parents who still live in their own 3 story single family home.
I know I want to be around people of my own generation, not stuck in a neighborhood as nice as it is with nothing in common with my neighbors.... I don't want my neighbors to feel they have to watch over me when it snows and feel they have to shovel my driveway, or bring up my newspaper, or bring up my rubbish barrel.... I don't want to depend on others to get my groceries, or take me to my doctor appointments, or take me shopping, etc.... and I don't want to feel alone if my mate should become ill and is no longer at home.
I am so glad I have been fugal all my life, started saving money when I was 5 years old and had my own saving account. I plan to find the best possible retirement community that money can buy and enjoy my life. Not be an emotional burden on others. I have learn so much what NOT to do from my parents.
Today I gave my parents a booklet on a 5-star retirement community that I know they can afford. Dad said that will be good in case they need to move in the next couple of years.... HELLO... you are 92 and 96..... move in while you can enjoy everything the place has to offer. And maybe for once I would get a good night sleep instead of laying away worrying about them.
Now Dad is asking about Assisted Living, something that he and Mom should have considered a few years ago.... I really bet that my Mom would be still up and about if they had moved... instead it was her idea to keep living in that big house, had a major fall because she was too exhausted trying to be the housewife [97] yet refused anyone to come in to help be it caregivers or cleaning crews.... [sigh]
My parents have a Will but it is 12 years old, and would be a probate nightmare
because on how it is written.
I am so glad that my sig other and I are already in the process of having our Trusts, POA's, yada, yada, yada, worked on and we can't wait to finally sign on the dotted line. He's hoping he doesn't kick the bucket before hand as he would be spinning in his grave if the old Will was used, a lot has changed since then.
Just because you have a pain you don't have to be a pain. Sig other's mother (she is late 80s - he is younger than me) doesn't talk about her infirmities. She says she feels better if she doesn't. I'm still listening and learning,
judda - I think choice has a lot to do with it. However, if you (in general not you particularly) get a disease like dementia or Alz unfortunately some bad behaviours go with it. God spare us!
Freq Flyer
My parents never took care of their aging parents so my parents have zero idea what I am going through. My parents had siblings and their spouses, and dozens of grown nieces and nephews back in their respected home towns that did all that work. My parents probably sent money to help out.
I am resentful that when my parents were my age they were having a grand retirement and enjoying every minute without a care in the world...... and here I am, an only child with no children, putting a hold on my retirement. I live in the same city as my parents. Guess the secret is to live hundreds of miles away.
Yes, the ups and downs of the last year have been draining and unsettling. Dealing with mother is usually more difficult rather than less. I am finding that the geriatric psychiatric hospital staff do not understand Borderline Personality Disorder very well. Oh dear, they will learn.
FF - I think they think we are bullet proof. NOT!!!
amy - sounds like you need some regular outside help. What you are doing is too much.
cm - where do you go for answers? It seems you are finding some in that book by Christine Lawson. Don't even try to get her to understand. I don't think your efforts will pay off. Sure you can help it. You won't be like her... Answers about what to do? Post more specific questions re cycle breaking, if that is your main concern. (((((hugs)))
Well, Dad, that person described would be me.
I seriously believe that our parent(s) still think we are 25 years old with the same energy of a 25 year old..... OMG, reality check, that ship had sailed a few years ago.
Read Christine Lawson's book about Borderline Mothers in one sitting. Head in hands. And mother is getting extremely twitchy since the mental health subject came up for discussion earlier in the week. It's not about blaming, it's about understanding; but given her probable make-up try getting her to believe that.
And to complicate matters younger daughter (chip off the old block) is back home for a week or two. She's in fine fettle and the last thing I want to do is bring her down.
Who do you go to to get clear, simple answers about what to do???
What did you teach?
Sorry to learn about the difficulties with your mother's placement. Sometimes it takes awhile; sometimes it takes longer and sometimes it's more difficult.
It sounds like a very draining and unsettling experience for you.
Altogether it would be a go, if I can get mother settled somewhere where the staff can handle her. She is in a geriatric hospital right now and they are trying to get her "settled". She has never "settled" in her life - always one crisis after another due to her personality disorder and now there is dementia with paranoia mixed in. Hopefully they will get meds into her one way or another and find her a decent facility. I vote for two weekly injections whether she wants them or not. Her quality of life without them is getting worse. Without meds there WILL be more crises. Recently she went on a hunger strike for a few days. I didn't worry about it. I knew it was for attention (narcissistic supply). She thinks they are blowing smoke into her room to make her demented. Before it was that they had removed her sex glands to make her demented. Her story of how it happened was quite convincing. When she started telling people at church about the sex gland removal, and also had a few sessions of feeling suicidal, the professionals started to act. I hope if I get that way someone will take charge of me!!!
Swan towels for AL facilities sound good to me. :-D