Follow
Share

The only way to stop my mom from driving is to disable to the car. What's the best way to do this? My inclination is put a club wheel lock on it. I really don't want to mess around with the battery connections. The problem with the club is she will see it right off, which set up an immediate nuclear war. But she's in her 90s, just took a tumble down the stairs, is leaving rehab soon after recovering from multiple fractures, and seems more forgetful now. I have to act. How have you dealt with this?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
The car has to disappear.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
againx100 Apr 2019
Yes, move it somewhere else. And hope she forgets about it. Out of sight, out of mind?
(1)
Report
Sometimes war is unavoidable. My FIL threw temper tantrums when we brought up the subject of getting rid of his car. It took a long time because my husband approached his dad softly-gently. Meanwhile, FIL got into fender-benders and one major accident. His insurance rates soared. When FIL moved to indy living he still refused to give up his status symbol. By the time the car was sold, FIL got hardly any money for it. If it had been sold in a timely manner, it would have paid for at least one month of indy living expenses.

Driving a car is not a right; it's a privilege. That's why they call them "driving privileges". More and more accidents involving old people are happening. If you do not feel comfortable getting in the car with your own mother behind the wheel then why are you subjecting others to her driving? Get her on an errand schedule that is convenient for you. Sell the car while it still has value. Put that money aside for her caregiving expenses, which are only going to increase.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

We were at that point a couple of years ago trying to figure out how to have that conversation, and out of the blue, my mil got a bill from insurance and decided that it wasn't worth it to pay that much for a car she hardly drives any more. We had never thought to appeal to her cheap side. lol. She was also not wanting to go get her driver's license renewed. After a certain point they have to go in person every year or 2 years, so it's a huge pain. We disconnected the battery too though. Sometimes you have to be sneaky, and play dumb if they ask about it.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
JoAnn29 Apr 2019
She should still have an ID.
(0)
Report
If you disconnect the battery, what are the chances mom will call AAA/road club/tow truck because the car won’t start? If she’s able to do that, they will come out and reconnect the battery for her.

Why not use a therapeutic fib? “Lose” the keys. Maybe rehab could lose the keys? Otherwise the club wheel lock sounds like a good idea.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Best way to disable a car is to move the driver in with you, tell her you're her driver now & sell it.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
LoopyLoo Apr 2019
Agreed. Sell it. She will still get mad maybe, but better to have that then deal with "why won't the car work? when will it be fixed?" daily barrage.
(1)
Report
I agree but apparently there is a question of age discrimination. The DMV in my state tests every 2 years and then, after90, every year behind the wheel. But they can drive on muscle memory alone and still not have sound judgement. States need to use driving simulators so their reaction time, and judgement can be evaluated by a simulation of a kid stepping off the curb in front of their car.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I locked the keys or put the keys in a place where my Husband could not find them.

The facilitator of one of the support groups I go to had a switch installed under the dash that would disable the car. When she pulled the car in she would flip the switch and the car would not start unless that switch was moved again. She had her mechanic install it.

If the car is in a garage can you remove the remote so the garage door does not open?
If the car is outside chocks could be placed by each wheel this would prevent the car from easily being moved even with the car running and in drive it takes a lot to move a vehicle if the wheels do not move easily.

If this is her car and she will not be driving again you could do:
remove it from the property, tell her it is in for repairs,
sell it if you legally can.
tell her that your car is in for repairs and you have to "borrow" hers.

Simply taking away a drivers license will not prevent a person from driving. People drive without a license all the time.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Disconnecting the battery really is the best bet. It's pretty simple to do, just disconnect your ground (black) cable first, then your positive (red) cable. Truthfully, you could just leave the positive on but I just feel more comfortable with having it completely disconnected.

I'm in custody of my grandma's car and she doesn't live with me but she has the idea that she may end up driving again. She can't even really get up herself anymore since her hip fracture and she has confusion spells due to blockages in her arteries. She's not driving that sucker again, I will not allow it. But it's good that you're being proactive because not only could your mom hurt herself, but she could hurt/kill someone else too.

If anything, you could try giving her the wrong keys so that it won't fit/turn in the ignition and chalk it up that the ignition must be broken and it needs repair.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I agree, the car needs to be gone; tell her something...it did not start and had to be towed and it is at the shop. Where are the keys? if she is in rehab, then find both sets of keys and take them too.
We took my mother's keys; and then told her she could not drive anymore and took the car. In my state, actually a doctor would have had to say that and we did eventually get her doctor to say it but we stopped her driving first.

I actually told her in front of the doctor during the discussion, that "If you promise to only kill yourself, I am okay with you driving. But I am afraid you will kill a young woman with 2 kids in the car.".

since she is at rehab, talk to the doctor without her present to make sure doctor is on board and get him to confirm she is not safe to drive. You still have to take the keys or she might try anyway.

I applaud your efforts, there are too many people driving past their physical and mental ability to do so. It is tough to act on this but necessary. I just got lucky with my FIL; with my prodding, he agreed to let us sell the car. He did not want to admit he could not drive anymore...he never did say that but he did give up the car.

Good luck
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Pull fuse or ignition relay. If an older car disconnect coil wire, worse comes to worse, drain battery so it " looks" fine but wont start. The best bet is to get keys and if room at your home, remove vehicle from her home. Have doc tell her no more. If she's like my MIL, usual attitude is eh, I can do it, what does ____ know. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter