Borderline hospice candidate and moving stage 6 parent to another facility. Have you dealt with this?

Segoline, it's hard to tell from your post what is going on. I take it that the DON or someone at mom's facility says she doesn't yet qualify for hospice services?

As far as I know, the only qualification for hospice is that the patient must have a life limiting ill mess that without treatment will lead to death in 6 months or less.

Have you asked about palliative care services?

There came a point where it became clear that there was nothing that could be done that would "fix" what was going on with my mom; she had too many co- morbidities. Dragging her out of her NH to doctors or God forbid having her hospitalized was making matters worse. My brother would not consider Hospice so we compromised with Palliative care. It doesn't get you the extra services that hospice does, but it's treatment only for symptoms, not for cure.

So, no transporting to the hospital except if explicitly authorized by us. If pneumonia, they would treat conservatively " in house". It worked until we had to transition to hospice, after a fall.

Hospice, is not a " solution". It won't mean that mom's suffering is instantly over. I understand how unbearably hard this is to watch, Sego. I think we all want things to be " over" for our loved ones, but we don't get to choose that.

Is there a social worker at the facility who is helping to facilitate your mom's care? Sometimes talking to the SW can be helpful in getting perspective.

I'm sorry that you're so stressed. Please understand that we are all trying to help, not judge you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, my dear! “Personally come after” you? What?? How does my answer even remotely indicate that I am personally coming after you? As in threatening you?

I live on the same “effing planet” you do. I have read your most recent posts, and quite frankly, they are worrisome. You give little detail about what’s going on. If in some far off, furious stretch of your imagination, you assumed I was telling you that you need to seek professional help because you sound crazy, you couldn’t be more wrong. How do you know I was referring to a psychiatrist? I suggested a social worker. They offer professional help too, don’t they?

I have never, in all my years on this board, been accused of mounting a personal attack on anyone who posts. Quite the opposite. I have received many kind messages of thanks and appreciation for my advice and I have great satisfaction in knowing that I have helped people.

You are waaaay off base here, Segoline. You have completely and thoroughly misunderstood my intentions and post. Your fury is totally without grounds. I promise you that I will never again respond to any other post you write. Good day and good luck to YOU.

Sego, I can remember quite literally tearing at my hair in my mom's NH room. She had fallen, she was in pain, she was dying by inches and no amount of traditional (non opiod) meds helped. I behaved very badly. I yelled at a lot of people. I shouted and swore on here too.

You are among veterans of this battle. We understand and we love you.

Segoline, what are you sorry for? This is the second time in a few months that you've posted out of what sounds like severe depression and desperation. Is there any communication between you and who’s doing this? Is there any way you can speak with a social worker at the facility?

We’re here to listen, but you need to be proactive and get some help before you crash and burn. If your family is not supporting each other or you, consider professional help.

I guess my hospice ordeal is that the insurance and medical plan she has determines, well doctor determines if she hospice material...

1,000 cuts... end of life was excruciating. This hospice didn't allow or have injectibles, or perhaps that is what I requested on DNR SHEET... Double check that DNR..

I ended up crushing morphine pills, nurse forgot to tell me or I was just numb to the fact that I needed to add a bit of water and ATIVAN to the mix. Smear it on the inside of mouth.. NOt fun at all...

Well, It isn't fun, we didn't sign up for this, but we love them and we must do this very depressing thing in watching your loved one go.... YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT ALONE... You are allowed to feel this way.

And when the final moment your loved one is liberated from this ailing body, you too will feel a sense of relief. It's a sad relief, but you know they are not suffering anymore, they love you and they know it was reciprocated.

My family has given me signs from the other side. Pretty awesome, you will know when you ask them for a sign. It comes pretty quickly... You know you don't have to say it out loud, ask quietly from within works too.

Ahmijoy, I owe you an apology. I am sorry i went off in you personally. I am dealing with some awful sh*t right now. That will have to be enough.

Ahmijoy

You are kinder than I probably deserve. And I thank you for your largesse.

Why are they moving her?

Worried in Cali. We see things differently then, and that's ok. Let's just leave it there. And that's ok too.

Yes; moving a parent with stage 6 Alzheimers is very stressful. Being a caregiver for almost 10 years and majoring in Gerontology in college as well. I would suggest that you find a hospice agency that is affordable for you and accepts your mother’s insurance. Because this will take some the stress off of you; not a lot of individuals know that hospice will cover medications, she will also have access to 24/7 nursing care no matter whether you keep her home or place her in a facility, all medical equipment & supplies are also covered and provided by hospice as well.

Also when it comes to moving Alzheimer’s patients into a memory care units it is imperative to do your research on the company & their memory care unit as well. Also please visit the facility before placing her there because you want to make sure she’s getting the best care possible. One last thing you may want to slowly transition her into a new facility, instead of just bring her & dropping her off. Inquiry about day programs to get her used to the facility, to see how well she adapts to the new environment as well.