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Which best describes their mobility?
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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I believe that being factual and non-emotional is always the best. Perhaps do your homework first and have all your information about facilities at your fingertips. Visit the facilities and ask yourself, "would I want to live here." If there are several options in your town, that is even better. When the time is right, you could explain your reasons. Give Mom all the information you have gathered then let her process it for a few days. The decision does not need to be made immediately. Then, set up some in-person visits for her. (You did not mention your mother's health and mobility. If she is in good health and can care for herself, she could do well in a senior apartment complex. It is much less expensive and, if she qualifies, there are gov. subsidized buildings.) good luck
Hey 111219 why don't you ask your mom what she thinks would be best for her. I know this sounds dumb but it's a simple question that she may be able to answer herself. You didn't give many specifics.
I've been through this...It's delicate. In addition to what's already been said.....Without knowing specifics about your Mom's health, her ability to care for home or self, I would say to realize that her coming to accept something like this is a process. My mother ( now deceased) was very independent-minded and didn't want my husband and me "telling her what to do". We brought up the subject, discussed it some, and then dropped it....for a while. But we never let the subject "go away" ---I had read that advice somewhere, to bring it up again a while or so later. ( if you feel in your heart certain that this is the best option for your Mom). But you're instincts are correct, that this is so delicate. Like Lilli's suggestion to do research ahead of time, and take your Mom on some "look-see" visits to various places. Just allow this to sink in for her. It's a difficult adjustment in one's mind, to say the least. I will tell you this: My husband and I did end up moving my parents into assisted living, and my mother died about a year after that. Just before she died, she thanked me in front of her brother for having gotten them into this place. She realized it was the best thing, and now my father was surrounded by a community to support him. You didn't mention your father, so don't know if he's still alive.
Anne, it made feel relieved to read your post. I am trying very hard to help my Mom "age in place" with the understanding that it may not be possible at some point in the future. The alternatives always seemed so grim to me. Thank you for sharing the story about your mother....it really hit home. I have never promised my mother that she would never need a facility and she has never asked me to make that promise...I just want the most comfortable and safest surroundings for her, whatever that may be. Lilli
Hey all, it's a tough one and mom and i just went through it.
I love the answer about the husband left behind who has a community in place to lean on. Brilliant and what a blessing to hear that. A gift. Very Sweet.
Mom is still adjusting but she is in late stage dementia with all the associated issues: diapers, eating, etc.
I wish I had done it sooner quite frankly because I would have had more time and energy to do mother daughter things as opposed to being wiped out from the 24/7 care.
If your mom's a controller you really have a challenge.
What I did with my mom is set up a bunch of lunches at different places. the lunches are free because they're looking for your business and you and your mom can 'go out' to lunch and check out different places. my mom was the Queen controller and even she got into it and this way she HAD some control because we would discuss the benefits of one over the other... even if the discussions were somewhat disjointed... mom had input and a say.
After she went in we had some tough moments which I discussed on the Grossed Out thread but I know that she is well taken care of and I have done everything I can to make her happy. She does laugh and have a good time more and more and in her little way knows that this is best.
Of course i have been taking her out for other activities where I couldn't before because by the time I got her washed and hair done and dressed and fed and to the bathroom and cleaned up again, etc, etc, etc. I was too pooped to even take decent care of myself. Now I can and I can take mom out and we have more fun.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
When the time is right, you could explain your reasons. Give Mom all the information you have gathered then let her process it for a few days. The decision does not need to be made immediately.
Then, set up some in-person visits for her.
(You did not mention your mother's health and mobility. If she is in good health and can care for herself, she could do well in a senior apartment complex. It is much less expensive and, if she qualifies, there are gov. subsidized buildings.)
good luck
I have never promised my mother that she would never need a facility and she has never asked me to make that promise...I just want the most comfortable and safest surroundings for her, whatever that may be.
Lilli
I love the answer about the husband left behind who has a community in place to lean on. Brilliant and what a blessing to hear that. A gift. Very Sweet.
Mom is still adjusting but she is in late stage dementia with all the associated issues: diapers, eating, etc.
I wish I had done it sooner quite frankly because I would have had more time and energy to do mother daughter things as opposed to being wiped out from the 24/7 care.
If your mom's a controller you really have a challenge.
What I did with my mom is set up a bunch of lunches at different places. the lunches are free because they're looking for your business and you and your mom can 'go out' to lunch and check out different places. my mom was the Queen controller and even she got into it and this way she HAD some control because we would discuss the benefits of one over the other... even if the discussions were somewhat disjointed... mom had input and a say.
After she went in we had some tough moments which I discussed on the Grossed Out thread but I know that she is well taken care of and I have done everything I can to make her happy. She does laugh and have a good time more and more and in her little way knows that this is best.
Of course i have been taking her out for other activities where I couldn't before because by the time I got her washed and hair done and dressed and fed and to the bathroom and cleaned up again, etc, etc, etc. I was too pooped to even take decent care of myself. Now I can and I can take mom out and we have more fun.
Good luck and we feel your pain!
lovbob