My mom is 93 years old. She is in the process of dementia testing. I believe she has had it for several years. Her memory and cognitive skills are worsening. I have DPOA and take care of everything for her, I cook many meals and freeze every 6 weeks, which is not an easy task as I live more than 200 miles from her. She lives alone and has an aid come to her home every day for a couple of hours each day to help her with chores etc. I have 1 older sibling, a brother. He has had issues with drugs his whole life. He calls my mom and has one reason or another to get money from her. Him and his wife are on SSI. My mom says it is her money and she can give it to him because he needs it. I wouldn't mind if I knew he was using the funds for food, clothes, home repair, etc. but, he is not. He is using the money for drugs. I cannot tell my mom; she will NOT listen and says he does not do drugs. My most concern is if she lives longer and must go into memory care, she will not have enough money left. Also, if she is giving my brother money each month the 5-year lookback for Medicaid might be a problem. I don’t want to do anything drastic legally to my brother, but I do not know what to do?
You know he's spending money on drugs, so reasoning with him about how he'd be ruining her chances to get Medicaid is pointless. You just have to take over all her finances, get guardianship if need be, and protect her.
However, I would probably direct mom to home chef or some other prepared meals service. If she has money to give away she can buy her own food.
If she needs facility care in the future and runs out of money, well, choices have consequences and you are not obligated to be her solution because her choices have left her with terrible consequences.
My mom always favored my brothers, would give them anything and everything, yet when she needed help I was the only one around. Oh well, I don't have to account for others, only myself and that goes for every person on the planet.
You do what you are willing to do and don't do what makes you feel bitter or resentful. They don't care, you can't care more about her then she does, it never works out well.
Please explain to your mom that because your brother and his wife are both on SSI, they can get by just fine. They do not have to pay for health insurance because they're covered on Medicaid, their low income makes them eligible for things like food stamps, rent assistance, and utility assistance.
In all likelihood, they have more disposable income between the two of them than she does. Explain this to her in these terms.
Also, suggest to her that if she wants to continue with the financial assistance to your brother, that he and his wife should also be giving her proof of a clean drug test. Just to make sure.
Explain to her about the Medicaid lookback period. She might not understand about it.