Can a 96-year-old move to another country? He is strong, but what about the impact on his mental health? Any advice is appreciated!

What would he do for medical insurance ? Is grandpa a US or Canadian citizen ?

I think whatever country he has citizenship , you should place him in a care home there if possible . It’s not fair for you to give up your life .

What kind of care does he need ? You should tell grandpa you can not do this anymore . Does he have money or a home to sell to go into assisted living ?
Does he walk ? Could he go to assisted living , or does he need SNF for more care ?

Go back home.

To be honest, the outcome for granddad, at age 96 is of little import to me. Let your mother know you will be leaving in (a month, two months, whatever you decide) and tell her he will be alone then with access to the other family members in the area.

Tell him you are moving and he is welcome to come with you.
Otherwise he will have the family there where he is.
Whether he goes into care or stays to die in his home at this point, unless you are seeing specific instances of abuse, doesn't seem especially relevant to me.

Not everything has a perfect answer. Not everything can be just "so". You have a right to your own life. Please claim it. Your grandfather has HAD his life, and a good long one as well. He can make his own decision now what to do about the fact you are going home.

He can't just move here unless he's a US citizen. He'll only be allowed to stay for 3 months. Even if you're ablt to legally move him here what if he doesn't qualify for any medical assistance? You'll be screwed. Cali if expensive, too. Also, do not assume others will be willing/able to become his caregivers. You'll have to talk to whatever the equivalent is of a social worker in Toronto to figure out what can options there are for your Grandfather. I'm so sorry your Mother is so selfish and disrespectful.

You can’t predict that he’d be happier in CA near his grandchildren, etc. That is your wish, it would make YOU happier - but possibly not him. Go! You never should have sacrificed your own life for his. I hope you are successful at resuming your own happiness.

When you say with him what exactly do you mean? He is 96 might be time for him to be placed in a facility.

You have done all you can, time for you to start living your life, not his.

Best of luck!

You do not mention that grandpa has dementia you do mention "age related decline, vision, hearing and mobility problems" (don't we all?)
What exactly did he need a caregiver for? Just because a person is in their 90's (he was 91 when you moved to help him) does not mean they need a caregiver.
So to get to your question....
What does grandpa want to do?
If he wants to move then make the move.
If grandpa does not want to move what are your plans? Are you going to give up the rest of your life and stay with him until he dies?
Do you have the "authority" to force him to move? If he is cognizant he can refuse to move.
If he does not want to move then enable him to remain by setting up a way that he will be safe on his own. There are devices like Alexa, cameras that can help you monitor him.
This will be real simple if you ask grandpa if he wants to move and be closer to family and he agrees. Better to ask him than "us" here on AgingCare.

No. It's not selfish at all to expect him to move if he wants to be near you. You should not be living your life around making life convenient for a 96 year-old. If his own daughter doesn't feel any need to help with her father you as a grandchild shouldn't think you have to live your life to accommodate his needs and wants..

If he wants to stay in Toronto, let him. He'll have no one and will probably have to go into assisted living or a nursing home. Moving to California sounds like a win-win for everyone especially you. California means family and you won't have to assume all the responsibility of meeting his needs.

Move to California. Line up some senior housing or AL for your grandfather to go to.

Does he have dual citizenship or something? I’d think there would be significant hurdles to moving someone so old that will inevitably require a great deal of expensive medical care to a new country where he won’t be eligible for government benefits. Assuming you and/or he are not independently wealthy.

Bringing him here would not be wise. He will not be able to get any services we provide. Our health system is so different.

In Canada your grandfather qualifies for home care services.
They will provide free of charge services up to 35 maybe 40 hours per week. Contact Social Worker. They will also help you with finding facility and help you with other issues if you decide to look for AL in Toronto.
Also, be aware as Canadian if he is out of the country for more than six months he will lose his residency status.
That means if he wants to come back he will have to reestablish that and would not qualify for any benefits i.e. medical or GIS.
Also, if he is resident or dual citizen of USA and Canada he will have to pay taxes in both countries if applicable.
There are many complications.
On the other hand it is really not that difficult as my son lives in USA and he has triple citizenship and I know I could easily live in USA. Canadians can obtain special residency.
The age of your grandfather is a big factor here.
At the same time being around family and in California could be beneficial.

Yes ..I say do it! Get someplace before you leave or else you don’t know where to go . Maybe your dad or siblings can tour assisted living places & help Grandpa sell condo. That would help pay for assisted living place. You’ve sacrificed so much already. The cons are: bureaucracy of getting healthcare in coverage in USA 🇺🇸 & traveling at 96…
Good luck & hugs 🤗

You need to go!!! You are his sole caregiver and you're very unhappy. What about your mental health? It may take some adjusting for him, but I think he'll be happier too to see so much family near him. You've been an angel to care for him, but there's no reason you can't both move to California. Hopefully you'll get more help caring for him there so it's not all on you. So pack it all up and move! By the way, you didn't say how he feels about it. Hopefully he's fine with moving.

ask medicare

Yes, ask his MD / medical provider.

Questions:

1) Does he want to move back?
2) How is his health in general?
3) Would the amount of time he has left, if moving to US, outweigh the stress of the transition, and staying where he is?
4) Weigh the pros and cons, which I know you are wanting / trying / doing.
5) Would you be traveling with him? If not, who would be. Certainly do not allow him to travel alone.
6) Is he incontinent? On medications?

I would encourage you to let go of 'selfish' intentions (internal dialogue/ self discussion) - and focus on what is best for him. And, what he wants. If he isn't motivated to leave / move, I think that needs to be considered - although I generally tell people to 'do what is the loved one's best interest, not consider what they (say they) want. Sometimes they do not know ... if not most of the time. "Decisions" / thoughts are made in present time and often based on fear(s) and changing the status quo (hard to do, not wanting to upset the routine).

Plus, his mental state needs to be considered, i.e., is he depressed, bored, aware ? Does he has dementia?

Gena / Touch Matters

If Grandpa is still competent, it is really dependent on what/where he wants to live but he has lived in Canada for 20 years. You have only been there for 5 and you are much younger so it is just not "home" to you as it may be to him. What kind of care does he need (cooking, cleaning, help with ADLs (dressing, bathing, toileting,eating)? He may not need this kind of help now but it is always the possibility in the future. More and more people are seeing their 102nd birthdays! So you need to sit down and discuss this all with him.
One big item if he comes to CA with you.... will he live with you and/or family members or will he live independently, which mean locating independent living in a state with very high rental rates.

He may be healthy as a young horse today but as we age illness can come upon us in the blink of an eye so the other big thing you want to consider is healthcare. Canada has a great healthcare system although I'm told that the wait for placement into a facility can be rather long if you need the healthcare system to pay for it. The system is the US is not bad but is very different. If he is recing us social security that will follow him anywhere in the world but make sure that he is eligible for Medicare (check out their site at www.medicare.gov). In case he should run out of funds to pay for independent living, please check now to see if or when he might be eligible for Medicaid.
Grandpa is truly blessed to have such a kind and caring granddaughter. I hope you (and grandpa) can get your lives on track. Please keep us updated on your journey in which we wish you peace, joy and love.

I moved my husband from the west coast of the U.S. to Norway last year. He was 88 and has dementia. His son and granddaughter in law (nurse) flew over to help with the move. We also made sure we had medication with us in case he became unmanageable. It was a very long 26+hour journey. He did amazing. He had a very long sleep and didn’t seem too worse for the ware. He is a Norwegian citizen, so he qualified for a memory care facility there. He’s well taken care of there, but I am a mess here.
You need to make the move for you. You are too young to give up your life.

I'd strongly caution against moving grandpa to the US unless you research the pros and cons thoroughly. If you impulsively decide to go ahead and bring grandpa with you to California I think you could be headed for major problems.

If you want your life back then leave him in Toronto with the best available resources available that he can afford. Even managing this is complicated and time consuming, but the process of getting grandpa safely settled in Toronto will be like meditating on a mountain compared with moving him to California.

It could take literally years of frustrating, confusing, time consuming attempts to get grandpa safely and comfortably settled in California - as you try to navigate all the US health care loopholes that are daunting (even for a US citizen to manage) - you would likely become more and more exhausted and desperate to find workable solutions for his care as nobody else steps up to the plate to do this for you. Don't assume that social workers or physicians or non-profit organizations or community/governmental agencies will help - because likely they won't. Will family help you? Maybe, but you can't count on it.

So what I'm saying is that very realistically moving your grandpa to California will not free you from caregiving, it will make your life so much harder as you attempt to manage and set everything up for him. Your caregiving role will become more demanding and time consuming for you if you move him to California.

I say all this as the sole caregiver for my (now deceased) mother. I managed her moves over a 10 year period to 3 different assisted living facilities in 3 different states. The process was a nightmare that never ended. Nothing went smoothly. And my mother was a US citizen, already set up with Medicare and long term care insurance.

Keep your grandpa in Toronto at the best facility you can find - and even this won't be a piece of cake. Good luck.

Probably the best solution is to keep grandfather in Toronto considering his age.
If he can sell his condo, average condo in Toronto is $600,000, he will definitely be able to afford better AL.
There is innovative concept of AL combined with condos for over 55 living in good community with private lake, pools, clubs, good restaurants and shops located on main floor of several buildings.
One can buy condo or lease, staff ratio is 5-1.
Price for decent size apartment 12,000 per month.
I can see for grandfather at his age life could be lonely.
On the other hand, if in California your family is close to him and he has dual citizenship then his quality of life would improve.
The most important thing is you have to make decision for yourself, you cannot stay in Toronto and continue taking care of him. Maybe ask your mother one more time?

SorayaAshBha: Speak to a social worker.

Those who need care need to move where the caregivers are located. You have support in California and he will have family to love and cherish him. Make the move!

If you have a safety net of available living arrangements, services and family/friends willing to help you take care of him in CA, then tell him that’s what you want to do. But if he is not willing or if there will be citizenship or insurance issues then you may want to make a different plan. Look before you leap.