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I have proof through literally hundreds of voicemails my mother has left for me that she is showing signs of dementia. Both of these people refuse to meet with me to see and hear the evidence that shows my mom has dementia. Or let me rephrase that, they will meet with me to discuss, but ONLY if mom is present. According to the executive director, mom is "of sound mind" which she is not and this person would realize this if she heard the multitude of voice mails that I have. Even the nurse of the assisted living has said that she is able to pass the "quick" test but if given the more in-depth testing, she knows she would fail. Yet I am unable to get her to administer the more in-depth testing. And now the nurse has backpedaled on her statement since the executive director stepped in. What do they have to gain? I have a signed medical POA but I cannot get them to hear my evidence and get the POA invoked. Every day mom threatens to leave the assisted living and go back to her hoarding house which is not safe and 7 hours away from me. I am an only child so it's just me, my husband and my 3 kids as her only family to take care of her. As long as they won't invoke the POA, she could literally walk out of there at any time. She is talking about driving again even though she has cataracts. It is NOT in her or anyone's best interest to leave there. Why can't I get these people to understand? All the proof is there. She never knows what day it is, what time it is, calls 20+ a day, calls and leaves the same voicemail over and over, calls at all hours and wakes us up, calls and leaves harassing messages, cannot compose a grocery list, tells us one item so we go get it and drop it off, next day another item, next day another item, is confused about everything. She wants to spend money she doesn't have. My husband has financial POA over her and according to a local attorney, it is in force, but she doesn't realize that even though he has helped her with paying bills since her stroke in 2011. We have explained repeatedly the amount of income she has each month and she cannot remember/comprehend. She thinks she gets twice the amount of social security than she really does. She threatened to kill herself so they took her to the ER. After that she was scheduled for a psych eval, which she then cancelled. I feel like not only is my mother insane, but so are the people running the assisted living. We talked to an attorney about guardianship/conservatorship which is going to cost $5,000+. It just seems ridiculous when if the nurse/doctor over that assisted living would just do their job and invoke medical POA, it wouldn't cost us anything. My family and I are at our wits' end with this. We just run in circles and we don't get any further. Mom is a big "showtimer" any time she is being assessed. So talks a lot and has them convinced that her mind is intact even though we as her family see 50 examples to the contrary every day. Can these people just keep running us around, never agree to meet without mom present, keep denying that she is showing signs of dementia, and keep refusing to look at our evidence that proves it? I don't want to get into a big lawsuit as I don't have money for that. I just want them to DO THEIR JOB. A co-worker was in a similar situation, same state and everthing. The doctor approached them and said "You're now POA." It was that easy. We used to compare notes on who was crazier, my mom or theirs. They were both showing equal signs of dementia. My co-worker has everything in hand and under control, doing what needs to be be done. I continue to flounder with people at the "assisted" living that refuse to be of any "assistance" at all. I am betting nobody here as been through this! But can someone please advise?! How can I get this accomplished without spending a ton? Mom needs to stay where she is. We've already moved her twice. It is taking a toll on us financially, mentally, emotionally, physically. Our life is pure hell.

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You state that your husband has your mother's financial POA. Go to the probate court in the town she lives in and petition for full conservatorship over your mother. Don't even bother with medical POA. Conservatorship is higher.
The people at the AL refuse to talk you about anything because they're hiding something. There was an incident or incidents of some kind involving your mother that they don't want to get in trouble for.
This is what AL and NH and MC administrators are trained to do. Run people in circles until they have their a$$ses fully covered. Visit the probate court right away and make the petition for conservatorship. Bring the voicemails from your mother when you go for the court hearing. No amount of "showtiming" can refute proof like that. I would be very surprised if you were not granted conservatorship over your mother.
Also, your friend is mistaken about a doctor giving her POA.
Power of Attorney is a legal and official position granting a person or persons power to legally take action and make decisions as if they WERE the person they have it for.
A doctor can make it so that if his patient has no legal POA then their next of kin (closest relative) will decide whether or not heroic measures or life support will be added or continued in the event that the patient is so incapacitated that they cannot decide themselves.
That is all that is. It is not POA to make health care decisions for a person like what rehab they will go to, or nursing home placement, or whose custody they will be released to. It is not POA over their financial affairs either.
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Who has POA, the facility? If you do not then go get it legally. Once you have POA you are in control.
why do you need a diagnosis? Will it change anything? I am thinking a change in diagnosis comes a change in care which then comes a change in placement.
does the facility have a memory care or dementia unit? Could be why they won’t have her diagnosed…she would have to be moved which means less income.
if her care is good what will having a diagnosis do? Why change it if the care is good?
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Daughterinlaw56 Mar 2022
i just saw you have POA, what do you mean invoke it? U have it….use it. Take her to a neurologist that specializes non Elder care.
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Oh, one more thing. If you can resolve this with a neurologist it is far far better than going legal as you will not know what hit you when a lawyer gets involved. They will rob you blind.
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1. Yes, it is possible to "showtime" that they are ok until a neurological exam is conducted. The phrase used is "positive social presentation".

2. CT scans are inconclusive. A neuro exam involves multiple tests. I paid $1,800 for one.

3. Why do you need a diagnosis?

4. Give yourself a break-don't talk with Mom for a week.

5. The AL people all think family is just looking for money.
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helpneededbadly: Your mother needs to see a geriatric neurologist.
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Schedule an appointment with a geriatric PCP not in the facility and have her evaluated. Take the paperwork back to the AL administration along with your MPOA papers.
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Her doctor can assess and activate her POA. It may take a second MD as well. This is not th responsibility of her AL.
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As has been pointed out, AL's offer "assistance " only. They can't test for dementia. It is not the AL's responsibility to schedule these visits for her. You need to schedule an appt with her PCP, a geriatric psych doctor and a neurologist to get a complete mental profile: you need to play the recording of her behavior for all of them .
If she goes to the ER again, play the recordings for them however, be aware that if she doesn't act out in front of the staff they will have no choice but to release her back to the AL (if they will accept her) if she doesn 't agree to be seen by specialists such as a neurologist.
She definitely seems to need a care level higher that what an AL can offer and if she is trying to leave it will need to be a secured MC. I'm not sure what ploy you can use to get her to see the new doctors but folks here are a wealth of information of "manuver" modes.
Good luck on this road.
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I am probably repeating what everyone says but its not the Directors or an RNs job to test Mom. They aren't trained in that field. A neurologist is the only one that can do the testing needed to determine if Mom has Dementia. He will give a more in-depth test. And EEG and an MRI to determine if dementia is present and what type. If you read your Financial POA and Medical POA/Advanced directive you may find that one or two doctors need to make a formal diagnosis for your POAs to become in effect.

I am really surprised that the RN and Director did not explain from the first time you asked, that they are not qualified to determine if Mom has Dementia. Its also not their responsibility to see Mom gets to a Neurologist. I do think, from what you have said, that the staff caring for her is aware of changes.

Assisted Livings are residences. As such, the staff is limited in what duties they perform. Yes, they have transportation. But usually the resident sets up their own appts or a family member. A staff member, like a CNA, does not go with the resident if the resident uses the facility transportation. The driver of the van gets the person to the appt but just drops them off or takes them in to make sure they go to the right office. Once settled in they may leave or wait depends on their schedule coming back later to pick up.

If you find Mom has a Dementia, you may find she needs more than an AL can give in care. The next step would be Memory care or LTC depending on how much money Mom has.
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I would take your mother to a doctor outside the AL. I would ask the AL for the recent blood work. The type of doctor should be a neurologist/gerontologist. Ask the AL if they can check her for UTI. They should be willing to do that.

If they are uncooperative, look into what organization regulates AL facilities in your state and reach out to them. That is going nuclear, but they may have an ombudsman who could help you address the problems you are having getting the appointment with their dr and your mother together. She should be there. You can speak with him after the appointment, but you should play the voicemails in front of her. I imagine she is difficult.

Suggest eliminating her telephone so she can’t call you. Give her a pen or pens, paper or colored cards, envelopes and stamps and tell her that is the way to communicate. That will give you your sanity back as far as the phone is concerned. She does not need a phone in assisted living. She grew up in a time period where people sent each other letters. Don’t give too many stamps, because of the dementia. Better to pre-stamp the envelopes since she’ll have no clue to the value. I’d actually dole them out a couple at a time to her, so she can’t send them all at once like the phone calls.

My MIL is exactly like her. She had an odd trip leading to AL. She lived for about 8 months in her hoarder house with her yorkie (not house trained) after FIL passed. She would call police every other day for her delusions, since she lived 3 1/2 hours away. She then moved to a hotel for a couple of weeks and of course the delusions and calls to police followed. She then moved in with her sister and they did not get along. Nephew called DH to get her or he’d have the police remove her. She was taken to AL at that time. She initially accepted it, but then was furious at nephew and the world. DH cut off her credit cards, did not give her a phone- this is something you should consider doing - (removing her phone and giving her pen, paper, envelopes, stamps), because she would have spent all her money buying from QVC for things she didn’t need. Instead we receive epistles about how she is in prison, we stole her money, where she wanted and how she wanted to live, that she needed to leave AL because there were people trying to kill her and her little dog, and that God will punish DH for what he did by putting her in AL and that I am horrible for arranging it all. In truth, she gets medical care (addressing the delusions, lack of dentition, diabetes, poor sleeping habits, etc), regular meals, her room cleaned, encouragement to clean herself, assistance with her horrible little dog and companionship if she wants it. Better than what she had at her house. She couldn’t drive because she couldn’t see (cataracts) and would get lost. Her house was filthy, and the police notified DH that if he didn’t do something, she would be taken in for mental evaluation and lose her dog.

I don’t know what you did with her house but since your husband has financial power of attorney, I recommend clearing it out and selling it. It would eliminate a place to which she could potentially return that is unsafe if her brain were working and a drain on the finances. We did that as part of closing out DH’s fathers’ estate and because she thought it was haunted (not true) and it would have been a travesty after all that work to allow her to move in and cause problems again. The funds are paying for her care.

Your husband and you should work in concert. Since he has financial poa, he should be communicating with you at the same time to arrange for the doctor appointment. Your mother might respond better if he told her that the both of you will be there for the appointment, and schedule it in the morning at the assisted living facility first and if that doesn’t work outside. Say you are going to lunch afterwards. Have lunch at AL.
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It is not the AL:s responsibility to test for Dementia. You need to arrange a doctor's appointment for in-depth testing to obtain a diagnosis.
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Dementia diagnosis and mental capacity testing are part of what doctors do. Please schedule your mom for an appointment for cognitive evaluation and treatment. Usually, a neurologist is a better option for this type of evaluation than her primary care doctor. Your mom needs to get evaluated for which type of dementia, treated (yes, medications can help), and documented if she has reached the point of being "mentally incompetent". You can only invoke POA once she has been deemed "mentally incompetent." This is why the facility will not meet with you without your mom being present.
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The facility can not send her home without your help. You don’t have to help her get home. Just because she is your Mom, you are under no obligation to take care of her. If she did come home, they would have to get help for her at home before they discharge her through Medicaid. That process alone takes years. Make sure you communicate that her home is unsafe to her-if you choose, or they ask. I would take her for an outing to a board certified psychiatrist for an evaluation. In her condition, and it only gets worse-often very quickly, she can not care for herself at all. The nursing facility knows that. Don’t let them put pressure on you. I would tell them that you have physical disabilities yourself, that you are taking care of your husband with disabilities, you have a job, etc. All that render you unable to take care of her. Also, turn your phone off at night and don’t answer it when you don’t want to. You deserve your rest and your life. Set your boundaries now with all of them. Never take her near her house when getting her out. Dementia/Alzheimer’s patients will always say...I want to go home, even when they know nothing else.
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Beethoven13 Feb 2022
I agree with turn your phone off in the evening and at night. Turn it back on in the morning when you wake up. Let calls go to VM and then respond when you are ready.
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your Mom can’t physically move without your cooperation… so put that thought on the back burner to reduce your stress..

i don’t understand why you need to meet with the director. my mom is followed by a company called Bluestone . Nurse practitioner sees her at least monthly. That’s who gave my mom the test. The DR who oversees the NP was the second physician. Director not involved at all. Contact whomever is in charge of your moms care and get it done. Leave director out of it. If the person who oversees your moms care won’t step up, take your mom out for lunch, by way of another physician appointment. And yes get her checked for a UTI.
When you make the DR appointment be sure they know why your coming in, and that you what an appointment for the second dr following.

as a side note the director and the facility nurse do not have the credentials to deem someone incapacitated…
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katepaints Feb 2022
Great advice to suggest that the doctor knows why she’s there. Often people with dementia suddenly know it’s show time at the doctor’s and they pull off an act that makes them look okay. My brother is out of state so before his appointment I wrote a letter to the neurologist to spell out the problem with specific events to illustrate the symptoms. When my niece brought him to the neurologist the doctor didn’t have to do the clock thing to check his thinking. Because he already knew what had been going on, the visit lasted only ten minutes and orders were given for an MRI. Ultimately it was found my brother had a massive brain tumor and it wasn’t early onset dementia that I’d been thinking it was.
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Of sound mind generally means that person knows who s/he is and perhaps where they are and the year. It's a really low bar.

So while your mom may be driving you up the wall, it doesn't mean that she doesn't have the right to hear what's being said about her.

The facility is not refusing the meeting. They are refusing to abrogate your mom's rights.

What are you afraid might happen if your mother heard you say "we think our mom has dementia"?
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Why won't you agree to a meeting with your mother present?
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To answer the first question: yes. Nobody has any automatic right to insist on discussing somebody else's business purely by virtue of blood or family relationship.

Now I'll read the rest of the post.
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I've had to have VERY difficult conversations about cognitive issues and other things with the affected person sitting right there. It's rough, but once I was at the end of my rope emotionally/spiritually/physically/psychologically.... it was pretty straightforward to just tell the truth - even with her right there. Sometimes her responses (or lack thereof) to what I was saying actually helped make my point. My LO can showtime like it's going out of style to the point of smirking at me while she does it.... I couldn't take it anymore. I was all about getting it out there: good, bad, and ugly. And all for HER benefit and wellbeing. This would include: trips she never took, people she never met, jail time she never served, sexual relationships that never happened, a portal that's (not) in her closet, and a medical study that she was never part of (and probably was never even being conducted at all). I could go on all day with examples - including repeated phone calls and/or hangups. During one cognitive assessment, the expert asked "What's the phone number you call in an emergency?" My loved one proceeded to rattle off MY home telephone number. The expert thought that was just darling.... didn't seem to "get it" that the woman didn't know the answer to the question was "call 911." That's the kind of showtiming my LO would do - manage to give a "cutsie" answer with a flutter of the eyelashes that disguised the fact that she really didn't know the real answer. Don't be shy about saying whatever you need to say right in front of the person. You're trying to help them for heaven's sake. Patients do have rights and I'm sure that's in play here as well. I do agree that UTI needs to be ruled out if it hasn't already. Elders with a UTI can say, do, and believe all kinds of things. And, at some point, it becomes "fact."
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“How can we discuss that someone is demented with the demented person sitting right there?”

You can, it is just uncomfortable. She will be mad. It stinks, but it looks like that is what you need to do.

Also, if the facility isn’t seeing most of these behaviors and she isn’t hopping the next plane to fly the coop, you may just have to wait. And, if she is functioning fine at the AL, they are handling it. It may be that, for now, you just block her calls at certain times or whatever. She may seem frantic on the phone, but that isn’t showing up when she goes to meals, interacts with caregivers, etc. As someone else said, AL may be the proper level of care for where she is right now. The AL would be all over you if she was giving them grief.

However, if the dr at the facility is her primary dr, he should definitely be willing to do testing. He may be more comfortable arranging a neuropsych eval instead. Either way, he does have an obligation to hear this feedback.

But, as bad as it sounds, you do have to be willing to say these things in front of her. It will be really, really hard. No one wants to face their mom and share info like that because they don’t want to be the bad guy.

It does prove to them that you aren’t being shady.

And the dr is the only one who the voicemails as “proof” might matter to, not the admin.

Interact with her less and when you do stay calm. She is safe and cared for. Could she leave? Yes. But, she hasn’t and she hasn’t suggested she was planning to to her caregivers, so she may just be dumping on you to get you to do something she wants. We have all been there and it is no fun.

If she is spending away her life savings on a criminal, that would be a problem. Your DH has the POA for finances, which sounds durable, so he can do what he needs to do.

It sounds like you are coming to the place where it is good to take a step back. Look at each thing individually and realize that a lot of aging care involves things you can’t control. I say that gently and kindly. It is easy for us to see potential problems, but many are our own projections.

The calls and possibly the money are the “is”. The moving home or talking about money are the “maybe” problems. Not bad to see them, but you may not be able to fix them until she gets bad enough that the AL staff that take care of her everyday see a problem.

Or you have to be willing to address it in front of her. Adjusting expectations might help. It’s tough, no doubt. Best wishes.
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Its not up to the staff at the ALF to test your mother to determine whether she has dementia or not! It is, however, up to them to be sure they are exercising HER resident rights to be present at a meeting where you want to have her deemed incompetent.

Residents at Assisted Living have a right to come and go as they please. The staff has no right to force them to stay there if they want to leave. The resident can call a cab or get in their car, or in someone else's car, and take off if they sign out.

If you feel your mother has dementia, then you need to have her evaluated by a medical doctor who can give her the proper testing to determine her cognizance level. Just bc you have POA doesn't mean you get to say she requires a certain level of care at Assisted Living which they are likely not even equipped to provide her. That's Memory Care Assisted Living and another ballgame entirely which has locked outside doors preventing the resident fro m leaving. A medical diagnosis of one of the dementias or Alzheimer's is required to be accepted into Memory Care. I, as my mother's POA, can't simply say "I want" her in Memory Care; her doctor has to agree she qualifies to be in there or it's a no-go.

Frantic voice mails and irritating behavior in general does not constitute "dementia" on its own, not until there's a formal diagnosis in writing! And a truly demented individual cannot Showtime their way into passing a cognitive exam, either.

Again100 is right.....your mother needs a doctor not affiliated with the AL to administer a cognitive exam to your mother, and THEN give a dx and a recommendation for Memory Care. In all of the ALs I've dealt with, NO doctors work FOR them, but come into the facility independently to care for residents. None were equipped to give cognizance exams either.

When I had the situation you're in now, my mother went to the ER for the umpteenth time for vertigo. I knew she was suffering from dementia so I literally begged the ER doc to admit her for further testing AND to look for Alzheimer's and dementia due to her behavioral issues. She was living in AL at the time, but I knew it wasn't THEIR PROBLEM, IT WAS MINE to resolve. The doc admitted her, she failed the cognizance test with a score of 18, and I finally had an answer. She didn't need Memory Care for another 3 years, however, bc it's a last resort. Elders need to be pretty bad with at least moderate dementia before MC is warranted. That's a subject for another time, though.

I agree that the AL isn't handling this matter professionally and giving you a run around. But, now YOU have to swoop in and take mother in to a doctor or neurologist yourself to find out a diagnosis and go from there. POAs are pretty useless UNTIL the elder is IN Memory Care at which time WE get to make all the decisions for them. In AL, they get to make their own decisions and be part of all the discussions pertaining to them. That's how it's been for my folks and I (only child) since 2014 that they've been in Assisted Living and 2019 in Memory Care.

Good luck to you.
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I have read the document. So has an elder attorney. He told us to speak to the people at the assisted living, and to the doctor for the place, and let them know what is going on with her. Like the fact that she calls all day long and leaves the same voicemail over and over until our mailbox is full, then calls and and screams at us because the box is full when she’s the one that filled it up, despite having told her numerous times not to call us at work because we cannot answer then. He told us to start documenting everything which we have. He says the mPoA is “vague” and doesn’t really state when it goes into effect, just when she is no longer able to make her own decisions. Hence, the need to start working with these people, and they with us, to show that she is showing signs of dementia and to get that declared. We’ve been trying the last 6 months to get a meeting with these people to discuss this, and to have them listen to the voicemails that clearly shows the dementia. We had a meeting scheduled in December. They cancelled it on us the same day. How can we discuss that someone is demented with the demented person sitting right there? It’s idiotic, and if not illegal to keep refusing to meet privately with us at our request, then it is at least unethical. They acknowledge she cannot pass the longer test yet they won’t administer that test. They set up appointments for it, and then allow her to cancel the appointment. It’s utterly ridiculous. You tell me to get the medical diagnosis done. I’ve been trying since August 2021 and the medical people will not cooperate, won’t meet privately without the person with dementia, won’t administer the test they know she won’t pass, and won’t hear any of our proof as a grounds to start taking any kind of action toward invoking the mPoA. That’s what I’m on here writing about, asking what to do when I cannot get the medical people to give me the time of day. It cannot be legal for them to ignore the family indefinitely! No elder attorney helped her draw up the POA. An agency for aging helped with that.

My husband is fPoA because his father was married to my mother. He was fPoA for both of them and his father has since died. So now he is still fPoA over her and the elder attorney said it is in force. I am 2nd on fPoA but I don’t want to deal with her finances. I’m not familiar with it, but my husband has been helping her with it for over a decade because she wasn’t able to ever since she had her stroke.

Yes, we need to keep her near us. When she lived in the hoarding house she called nonstop expecting us to drive 14 hours to her to change a lightbulb, show her how to use the TV remote, etc. That’s why we moved her near us in the first place. We were losing our minds and going broke having to make the trip down to her for this stuff. Now she wants to go back and to a hoarding situation after we’ve already moved her twice? No way. She was also a target before when she was far away, with people looking to take advantage of her. Vultures were circling if you know what I mean. Another reason to have her near us where we can keep an eye on things. She was way overpaying people for things.

She will not go to a therapist. She’s one of those perfect people. Nothing wrong with her. Just ask. She’s a show timer. She’s been prescribed meds for anxiety and depression. She refuses to take them. She refuses the psych evals. What makes you think she’s going to agree to talk to a therapist? Hasn’t happened in 82 years and isn’t going to. I know you’re trying to help, but this is not an option.

There is also no calm, peaceful or productive in dealing with her. She is a toxic personality, always has been. Old age and dementia has only made it worse. I said we cannot get a meeting with the doctor to discuss anything, but your advice is to discuss with her doctor? Can you say catch-22?! I know hoarding is a mental illness. But it’s the least of my concerns right now since she’s away from that situation.
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againx100 Feb 2022
This is obviously a very difficult and stressful situation.

Perhaps I misunderstood. I thought you were trying to meet with the staff and medical staff that is part of the AL. When I suggested taking her to a doctor, I meant one NOT affiliated with the AL. The AL does not need to give you permission to take her to a doctor in the community.

The AL is being VERY unprofessional, IMHO. If she gets evaluated for cognition issues and found unfit, they might have to ask for her to be moved. As dementia progresses, AL will not be able to meet her needs.
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I guess AL has a financial interest in keeping her there. You know the old saying - follow the money.

Make an appointment with a doctor not affiliated with the AL, drive her to it and make sure in advance that you will be given an opportunity to talk privately to the doctor.

Your mom will probably need to move soon. I'd call tomorrow to set up an appointment. If she hasn't been tested for a UTI, that's probably in order. Has she had blood work recently and do you have access to her information? When my mom started on the road to figuring out what's going on with her lack of short term memory, she had blood work looking at her B12 and thyroid levels, as these can cause dementia like symptoms if out of whack.

Her meds should be reviewed - some meds are known to be possible contributors to confusion. These can be stopped and replaced by something else.

Thank you for working so hard to make sure your mom's care is appropriate. Good luck.
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Grandma1954 Feb 2022
In reality, if she remains in the same facility they will make MORE money with her in Memory Care than if she is in Assisted Living.
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Until she has been diagnosed with dementia and has been found by the doctors that she is not cognizant then that is what the facility has to go by.
An exam and documentation that she has dementia will allow your POA to become "active"
Once she is diagnosed the move then should be to Memory Care she probably should not remain in AL.
She will decline and that will mean she needs more help than can be given in AL. And theoretically in AL she can leave at anytime she wishes. This can be a problem since AL is not locked.
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You state that you have a signed MPoA for your Mom. Get the document out and read it so that you can find out WHEN your authority is active. If it requires one (and sometimes 2) medical diagnosis by a doctor, then you need to get this done and you'll have the activated authority she needs you to have. If you don't understand what being PoA entails I strongly suggest you contact an elder law attorney for your state (or call the one who helped your Mom create the paperwork in the first place).

If your husband has been acting as her FPoA, how is he able to and you not? Has he read the document?

Once you do what the MPoA document requires then you can make decisions in your Mom's best interests. You can submit it to the admin at her facility and any other medical clinic, institution, hospital, etc.

Once a doctor establishes that she has cognitive/memory impairment (and not a UTI or any other non-dementia cause of her symptoms), then what? Are you trying to keep her from leaving AL and returning to her hoarded house? If she's a wander or flight risk then the facility may recommend MC for her, unless you can discuss medication with her doctor to address her anxiety.

Or, you can go with her to speak with a therapist who specializes in hoarding disorder. Hoarding is a mental illness and doesn't just "go away" on its own. If you both went then you'd also benefit by learning how to engage with her in a more calm, peaceful and productive ways. I hope this information helps you!
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