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Well not flu per se. I am fit and yet feeling very tired. My doctor says I am physically healthy. Just wondered if this is burnout with mom or what. Thank you
Oh, okay. Not exactly flu symptoms. You’re just exhausted! Yes, it’s very tiring and sounds like you need respite care. There is no shame in saying that you need a break. Take care of yourself.
How long have you been a caregiver? Are you able to have regular breaks?
My mom has been with me for five years. I have a support system with my husband and daughter. Mom isn’t that much trouble it is the things in life plus taking care of mom that is sometimes hard to juggle. Mom has hospice coming in two bath days, one nurse, and one companionship a week. The Chaplin comes as needed. They are wonderful. My husband does all her meals and my daughter is her visitor/ friend. I do all the cleaning, making sure she is clean between other bath days and I do finances and any grunge work. Thank you for reminding me to take more time for me.
I had Caregiver Burnout about 5 years ago. I checked myself into the local hospital ( they assigned me to the mental behavioral unit). Symptoms for me were excessive crying, a feeling of hopelessness, despair and extreme exhaustion/fatigue. No flu like symptoms. It feels like a complete nervous or other breakdown. My psych doc told me it's a growing epidemic. He changed my meds and counseled me while i was hospitalized. And even if you are feeling better, they will not let you leave. All of the entrances and exits are locked down. It's a frightening experience.
It must be scary. But it’s proof how far burn out can go. No one should ever sit in judgment of caregivers burning out. Happens to the best of caregivers because of lack of support and simply too much to handle.
When my friend who never got a break from her teen son with severe autism, she attempted suicide. She stayed for awhile in the hospital and then had intensive outpatient therapy. Her ex husband had to take the son when she was hospitalized.
Her situation was so trying. Her son was non verbal and violent. She had bipolar disorder. I think he had more than autism. They were both on several psych meds and to make the situation worse, she was a former nurse and thought she could adjust their meds herself instead of the psychiatrist.
The simple answer is yes. Lack of sleep, constant stress, constantly on the go physically and mentally will drain you. You may be having stress related symptoms. As our loved ones decline there is more and more added to our plate. Not only are you caring for them but also your family, still doing the usual housework along with all of the extra chores that come along with caring for someone, ie bathroom clean up (usually a couple times a day) lots of extra laundry, meal prep and planning, bedding changes, doctors and medication management, their bills and your bills, the list goes on and seems neverending. Your migraines may be a symptom of stress overload, the fatigue and general not feeling good could be lack of sleep, not eating and taking care of yourself. We tend to put our needs and wants last to accommodate everyone else. Since she is on hospice, talk to her nurse or social worker, they have volunteers who will come visit mom while you can run to the store, get a haircut, or just carve out some me time. Not an easy road to travel. Maybe the suggestion about a weeks repite care and you guys get away for a couple of days to recharge would help. I would suggest a cleaning service to help out if you can afford it, I couldn't do it, not just because of the cost but also because I'm the weirdo who would've cleaned before they got there🤣
Since going over all your wonderful answers ... I don’t think it’s my services that I perform that stresses me out (my love language is acts of service). I think what stresses me most is when the day starts listing to see if she is still breathing then listening to her moan from pain that she thinks is not being addressed (it is) and then cleaning up her mistakes in the bathroom to then having her act like a young woman when her aides come in. Then they leave and I’m left with this person who cannot articulate a conversation with me. I’ll really make resting a priority. Thank you for all your answers.
patti, so glad you posted and are getting some great replies here! I would vote for you physically leaving the house for a full day and overnight. Can you plan that? Especially with the stories of hospital stays here... why not make your own version before that version comes. It’s SIMPLE overload, go disperse it a bit. Then arrange for hubby and daughter to have something similar? You guys sound like a great team. :)
one day and one night is a pittance. Caregiver support program through area agency on aging would allow for more time off...and it must be at least 3 days and nights...that's what I need...about once a month (in my dreams LOL).
You have indeed gotten some great answers of support here. An additional option for respite care may be your area agency on aging. But I agree, hospice has amazing res vices and they would be the best place to start. My sister and I have experienced my mother having a “great day” with the staff at her memory care, only to fall apart when we visit. I have read others report similar experiences here two-loved ones seeming to do very well with non-family caregivers, and then all the symptoms are on full display for family caregivers. It’s hard to know what causes this phenomenon and it surely does mess with your head. No matter what else happens though, it is critical that you find ways to care for yourself. When you are empty, you’ll have nothing for your loved ones. Wishing you peace and strength.
I’ve seen it firsthand as well. Falling apart when I’m around but totally normal in front of everyone else. I read that they don’t have the capacity to be manipulative but no answers as to why they are fine with everyone who isn’t stuck caring for them. Why do they save the hard behavior for us when love is normally our only motivation? It makes it so much harder😢
Hi... I thought about your question first...I believe that the way you worded it says oodles! Here's why: Your question almost has the answer in it. If you're not feeling well, is it suddenly? Is it something you never felt.? I think that you ARE burned out because you already attribute your sick to your caregiving.. If you [were not] burned out, you would have not posted here... Something to think about
Yes that and having your body/joints ache all over - feeling exhausted both mentally and physically and emotionally. Not being about to find joy in things you once did. Not wanting to even get out of bed. And I don't have it near as bad as many on here. But I'm just really, really tired today - tired of being a caretaker. I'm looking into other options whether she likes it or not. Take care of yourself.
I saw a clinical counselor to help me in dealing with my mom .. what I found is that is was ME who had to change & not JUST with my mom - when I changed, I changed slightly how I interacted with everyone .. because it wasn't them who changed, but me.. What I learned was how to set HEALTHY BOUNDARIES and stand up for myself... it has made ALL the difference in the world. My mom is in a seniors home & I visit a couple times a week for an hr or so and she comes to dinner most Sunday's. I also get her to app'ts & we go to coffee or lunch after ... She is VERY much a martyr & has always been controlling perfectionist (from her life growing up which she's never worked at healing - I'VE done healing fr me & why I'm still (only child) in her life. You MUST do what is right for yourself - even the limited am't I do takes a toll on me.. she is continually negative & although she interacts with others at meals doesn't she does NO activities so she is bored & isolated ... I tell her "I can't make you happy, if you're not partaking in any activities that is a choice you're making which isolates you more" It's not easy, all our situations are different b/c of the parent/child dynamic... I would urge you to get some counselling & think of yourself ... put on your oxygen mask first .. Seeking help, helps you with not worrying about what other's say .. guilt is so prevalent.. I can tell you feel that ♥
Absolutely. In my experience, stress in general, and the adrenal fatigue that can follow, can cause a variaty of symptoms. I’d start by seeing a doctor to get a baseline of where your health is. They may also have suggestions regarding where to get help with caregiving. You also might want to find a functional medicine doctor. The protocol my doctor put me on really made a difference. (Thank Heaven! I was starting to worry what would happen to her if I died before my mom) But I can tell you first hand, unrelenting stress can take a profound toll on your health. Complicated by the fact it’s so difficult to just get away to get to an appointment. Or do anything else for that matter. Hope you are feeling better soon.
Caregiver burnout is stress = all kinds of symptoms & migraines. A dear online buddy recommended I use Ashwagandha and it reduced the stress to a manageable level.
I was compelled to eat Ice Cream and Peanut Butter during DH's last 6 months but the Ashwagandha allowed me to go back to sleep when he was waking me hourly to void and it kept me on an even keel. Regaining almost 50 lbs was worth it to me to not be yelling at my DH in frustration.
Talk with your physician. Most likely it will be recommended that you go on a stress medication. I refused it as I felt I had to be 100% able to assist my DH all of the time and I was afraid the stress medication would make me dopey. I think most Caregivers wind up on some kind of stress medication. We're all different just as our LO's are all different. Talk with your physician to find out what is best for you.
But yes, stress can cause flu-like symptoms and migraines.
Sure. And if it is the flu, you'll either get it or not to confirm your theory. It can also be the symptoms of depression...vague generalized achiness meshed with exhaustion...migraines could be caused by stress or a host of other things, like hormonal stuff, weather changes, a dietary trigger. It's that old cliche that your body is trying to tell you something, followed by the additional, take care of yourself etc...but it is...true. You need to get some help pulled in so you can feel better and be a better caregiver if that is what you want to do. I've mentioned this before, but every area of our country (US) has an area agency on aging that is part of the state plan...they have a Family Caregiver Support Program that if you sign up for it, it will allow you to connect with an agency to get some time or money limited support that will give you some time off and link you with some other resources. Go for it:-) and take good care--of you!
Ask your doctor about having mononucleosis. I caught it from simply kissing my cousin on the cheek when her parents & doctor thought she just had tonsillitis. I was in my early 30s, so adults can get it too. Within two weeks, I felt like I had been hit by a freight train, with extreme tiredness and flu like symptoms, but not really sick like real flu. There’s also a nasty pneumonia going around now. And yes, stress can make our immune system weaker, and make it easier to catch things & more difficult to fight them off. Check with your doctor, if you haven’t already.
Patticake2, just read your comment about bathing days hospice doesn't come...realize that in some cases, help with bathing does not exist except for the professional caregivers and it doesn't do harm...unless there is an incontinence or other issue you haven't mentioned or I haven't read...and I am here to tell you that my mother, who has some dementia but is quite functional in many ways...has not bathed in over 2 years in spite of many efforts. Disgusting? Yeah, but life goes on and we are grateful there is no particular odor. Point being, if you wanted, I think you could take the bathing off your to-do list and life would go on...
Stress can be very destructive. Sometimes in a direct way and other times in an indirect way. Those migraines can be caused by stress directly or by indirectly because you ate poorly or didn't get enough sleep. Whether it is all from caregiving or from other aspects of your life, you need to adopt strategies to reduce stress. And learn little tricks to find even a small moment of calm.
The simple answer is absolutely. I had them and my digestive issues were worse. I have mentioned this on here before but I also ended up in the ER with an irregular heartbeat and they checked me out, got it calmed down, and sent me to a cardiologist who did an echo, did the treadmill, and another echo immediately and he said it was stress related. He asked me if I was having "issues" that were causing stress and I told him that I had a Mom with multiple issues including dementia that I had just got into a nursing facility but running back & forth, and my Dad's health was in decline in a big way so I had two I was running back & forth to check on and line up caregivers who were calling me all the time when I was not there. He said for me to let go of all but the totally necessary trips and doctor appointments and have a talk with the caregivers or I would end up in that nursing home with my mother! His words! I knew it in the back of my mind but the body will MAKE you slow down or take you down if you are under a lot of stress or obligations. I am in my sixties so it was harder and harder. Both of my dear parents have now passed (Mom last year) and I loved them and miss them but when you read these posts about the effects of major caregiving on the caregiver relative, they are TRUE. God bless you and I wish you good luck. Final words are......please take care of yourself.
Oh your comments are so true!! This is exactly what I'm going through in my life right now. I'm a caregiver for my husband who has Parkinson's, Vascular Dementia, and several other health issues. I have a couple of caregiver helpers, but still feel the need to help give emotional as well as hands-on help. I feel alone, stressed, I worry about our financial situation, and feel like no one really understands where I'm coming from. Sometimes I feel like I don't know if I'm coming or going and at the end of the day have no idea what to do to rectify the situation and just feel like giving up. I also feel depressed, tired & sleepy, crying a lot, and on top of all that there are family issues going on and some not getting along with each other. I feel I have no one to turn to who can understand where I'm coming from. Someone please pray for me!!!! :(
I know exactly those burn out symptoms. But as mentioned, we often don't recognise them until our body has gone on high alert, or completely crashed, with symptoms which cause excessive crying, body aches, doctors visits for new unexplained symptoms, loss of healthy social connections, loneliness. Interestingly, when there was a social occasion, I found myself talking about the care of my parents, just like a new mum does of her baby. We feel guilty and worried, if we are not available, or checking. We have a multitude of responsibilities we take on board, like appointments, finances, organising services, checking Care Facilities are actively delivering the Care we are relying on and paying for and of course spending quality time with our loved ones. OUR own lives are put on hold all too often and it is almost impossible to make inroads into all that we are neglecting on our own Homefront. It is a constant battle of "catch up". BUT THE ONE THING THAT COULD HAVE MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE WOULD HAVE BEEN THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT IN AN EMPATHETIC , LOVING AND PRACTICAL WAY, of my siblings. As care givers we can feel very much alone and unappreciated and ignored and often mocked as if we have a problem beyond that of Care Giving. YAY TO THIS FORUM, where we get to know we are not alone in our experiences. There are no easy answers. Care Giving is HARD in so many ways. We all deserve to know we are important, special people and take advice from this forum, try to find the strength and means to treat yourselves in some way, especially some time out.
I imagine that it is possible given that the fatigue and emotional stress can affect your immune resistance to any bug you are in contact with. My periodic burnout manifests more like panic attacks or inability to concentrate.
Hello everyone. I went to the doctors today and I have a humdinger of an ear infection and stopped up sinuses. Thank you all for having me get checked out. Hopefully between my resting more and getting rid of this problem I will be back on track soon. I want to thank each and every comment. This site is always so supportive. I know I will find information and super nice people here. Again, thank you.
So glad you will be on the road to recovery. Just remember, b urnout and anxiety can mimic just about ANYTHING, but you still have to have it checked out, because look here!
Caregiver burnout has an INFINITE possibility of symptoms!! Some common ones are tired, depressed , feel like you are losing hope, uncertain of what to do or where to go for help......Call your primary care Doctor immediately!!! Ask for a complete checkup and get a referral to a therapist and/or go to the ER and talk to a Dr there and see what he/she suggests. YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING TO HELP BUT YOU CANNOT DO IT ALONE OTHERS MUST HELP!! Sisters, brothers, friends, church. are help line,pray, minister, priest, area rest homes.........seek help ASAP including looking up my email if needed Dr Jack Grenan
In my opinion, the constant stress caused by caregiving affects your immune system making you susceptible to chronic illness. Personally, while caring for my Mom, I had constant stomach discomfort & diarrhea. I thought I had IBS. 3 months after Mom died, the symptoms disapated.
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How long have you been a caregiver? Are you able to have regular breaks?
Mom has hospice coming in two bath days, one nurse, and one companionship a week. The Chaplin comes as needed. They are wonderful. My husband does all her meals and my daughter is her visitor/ friend. I do all the cleaning, making sure she is clean between other bath days and I do finances and any grunge work.
Thank you for reminding me to take more time for me.
When my friend who never got a break from her teen son with severe autism, she attempted suicide. She stayed for awhile in the hospital and then had intensive outpatient therapy. Her ex husband had to take the son when she was hospitalized.
Her situation was so trying. Her son was non verbal and violent. She had bipolar disorder. I think he had more than autism. They were both on several psych meds and to make the situation worse, she was a former nurse and thought she could adjust their meds herself instead of the psychiatrist.
I’ll really make resting a priority. Thank you for all your answers.
I thought about your question first...I believe that the way you worded it says oodles!
Here's why:
Your question almost has the answer in it. If you're not feeling well, is it suddenly? Is it something you never felt.?
I think that you ARE burned out because you already attribute your sick to your caregiving..
If you [were not] burned out, you would have not posted here...
Something to think about
What I learned was how to set HEALTHY BOUNDARIES and stand up for myself... it has made ALL the difference in the world.
My mom is in a seniors home & I visit a couple times a week for an hr or so and she comes to dinner most Sunday's. I also get her to app'ts & we go to coffee or lunch after ...
She is VERY much a martyr & has always been controlling perfectionist (from her life growing up which she's never worked at healing - I'VE done healing fr me & why I'm still (only child) in her life.
You MUST do what is right for yourself - even the limited am't I do takes a toll on me.. she is continually negative & although she interacts with others at meals doesn't she does NO activities so she is bored & isolated ... I tell her "I can't make you happy, if you're not partaking in any activities that is a choice you're making which isolates you more"
It's not easy, all our situations are different b/c of the parent/child dynamic... I would urge you to get some counselling & think of yourself ... put on your oxygen mask first ..
Seeking help, helps you with not worrying about what other's say .. guilt is so prevalent.. I can tell you feel that ♥
A dear online buddy recommended I use Ashwagandha and it reduced the stress to a manageable level.
I was compelled to eat Ice Cream and Peanut Butter during DH's last 6 months but the Ashwagandha allowed me to go back to sleep when he was waking me hourly to void and it kept me on an even keel. Regaining almost 50 lbs was worth it to me to not be yelling at my DH in frustration.
Talk with your physician. Most likely it will be recommended that you go on a stress medication. I refused it as I felt I had to be 100% able to assist my DH all of the time and I was afraid the stress medication would make me dopey. I think most Caregivers wind up on some kind of stress medication. We're all different just as our LO's are all different. Talk with your physician to find out what is best for you.
But yes, stress can cause flu-like symptoms and migraines.
There’s also a nasty pneumonia going around now.
And yes, stress can make our immune system weaker, and make it easier to catch things & more difficult to fight them off. Check with your doctor, if you haven’t already.