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I am five hours away from 91yo dad, talk to him nightly. There has been no sign of a stroke from what I can tell over the phone. Last saw him Dec. 26. He was fine.


Last week he started talking about needing to drive to Baltimore to meet someone. He couldn't tell me who, gave vague references as to where. He is waiting for "them" to call and tell him when to come and where to meet. At first I attributed it to being awakened from a dream. (He reads mysteries before bed.) But over the week, he has given me more info. He claims he drove a group of "their people" to South Carolina last year (I do not know of him making a trip like that) and was mad that they never paid him for his time and gas. He says he is supposed to go to a building at the corner of Holiday and Fayette (downtown Baltimore). He gets up every morning and dresses in "church" clothes in anticipation of them calling and telling him it is time to come. Then when they don't call, he decides he might as well go to church.


Tonight when I called, he said he was in bed already because tomorrow he has to drive to Baltimore. I asked where and he didn't know, "they" will tell him. He said maybe Loyola (where he went to college in the late 40s/early 50s).


I have access to his email, home phone, cell phone (on our account) and FB page. I have seen no contacts from anyone I don't know except all the spam calls he gets daily (at least twenty a day, it is ridiculous, and comcast only allows me to block 25 numbers -- and he is a terror with his call blocker beside the phone with the big red button, I am constantly having to get him to unblock doctors and family).


I think of three possibilities:


1 -- He is being scammed (he fell for the grant scam just a few months ago, lost $2,000 before the person at FedEx questioned the address he was sending to).


2 -- Sudden dementia.


3 -- Maybe he has a UTI?


There is just no way he can drive three hours to Baltimore tomorrow and back in the same day. He can't sit comfortably in the car for more than an hour because of his hip.


I plan to call again at 6:00 a.m. (he is usually up by 5:00, I know this because he has called us!). My bil is calling at 8:00 a.m. And a friend is stopping by at 10:00 to check on him. But I think if I get no answer at 6:00 a.m., I might just have to call the police. I know his make and model and year, but I don't know his tag number.


Thoughts?

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No, Dementia does not come on suddenly. Your Dad may have a UTI that needs to be addressed now. Its very dangerous to men. Or your Dad has had a stroke. He could be having small ones. Is there no family nearby. If he attends church, his minister.? Neighbor, friend that can check on him.
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graygrammie Jan 2022
Sadly, he has outlived his friends. There is no family nearby. The friends in the park he lives in have all moved to retirement communities. He doesn't want to leave his house but for a short time actually did consider a move.
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Do his phone and yours have a tracking app?

With iPhones, you can track other phones easily (with permission of course).

T-Mobile has a service called Family Mode that allows the main phones (usually parents) to track locations of the other phones in the family.

I imagine other carriers have something similar.

If he carries his phone with him then you can track it and find out where he is in real time.
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graygrammie Jan 2022
He and I have android phones. I've used the "find my iPhone" app to track my husband on his walks (because I put his icloud account on my computer). I will have to look into the same for android. Thing is, dad turns off his cell phone until he wants to make a call, sigh.
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He has access to a car??

This could be a significant scam where he could be in real danger, or he's got a UTI or some kind of dementia. In all of those scenarios, he should not be driving at all.

I'd be in MY car driving there to find out what's going on.
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graygrammie Jan 2022
I would love for him to stop driving but he has had absolutely no violations and passes the senior driving test every year.
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You can call the police and ask them to do a wellness check tomorrow morning. Explain to them your concerns about your dad's mental state. If they think he needs help, they will act on it.
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Update:

I called dad at 6:00 a.m. He was home. :) He told me that he realized about a half hour after I called that he had been in one of those deep dreams that are hard to shake but by about an hour later he was fully aware. He said he thought he'd call me but then decided it was too late. Oh how I wish he would have called!

My sister calls it a "dream delusion" and sent me some info. (I'm the sibling that contacts dad, my sister prefers to keep some distance due to past history and it is just more peaceful between the two of them with less contact.)
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MargaretMcKen Jan 2022
It might still be worth checking the Christmas whiskey, as related to the 'deep dream'. The timing is a bit coincidental.
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graygrammie, always good to have your Dad checked for an Urinary Tract Infection as that can cause all types of strange symptoms, even mimic dementia.

Dementia can suddenly happen, it did with my Mom after she had a fall where she had head trauma. In just a couple of hours she went from being fairly independent and still sharp at 97, to a person who was unable to walk, and her mind was very confused. After the hospital she was placed in rehab, then into a nursing home.

If only Mom would have accepted using a walker. She would claim that was for old people. Dad said he was old, and he got a rolling walker with hand-brakes, which he loved.
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graygrammie Jan 2022
My mom fought her walker and had plenty of falls because of it. But what ultimately took her was a UTI that hospice failed to recognize in spite of my suggestion that she be checked. By the time she was checked, they said she had vascular dementia. Weeks earlier she had been fine mentally.
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Any chance that he was given a bottle of spirits for Christmas? It could be a simple reason.
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Go there asap ..I hope he doesn’t live alone!!! He’s either been scammed into being a “mule” or he’s remembering something from long long ago? You must never leave him alone. BTW, I hope you took keys to his car away.
Hugs 🤗
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graygrammie Jan 2022
Unfortunately, I live five hours away with a husband with dementia and heart failure. Dad now acknowledges that these are dreams and is willing to see his pcp about them.
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