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Today I drove my Dad around to see some nature, to get him out as we have all been cooped up and cabin fever is real! We were gone 1 hour and 45 minutes. When we got home I made us lunch and took it to his backyard and ate in the trailer my husband and I bought to live in while we care for him. He still lives alone at his house where he has lived for 30 years. We ate our lunch together and watched his favorite TV show. My husband got home from work and he watched a bit of The Outer Limits with us before we decided to go back inside my Dad's house. We settled down in his living room and he mentioned how beautiful the fireplace was. I told him that he did a beautiful job building his home and that I was proud of him! He said that while he knows he built it he wondered who lived here. My husband and I explained that HE lived here!!! My Dad quietly but firmly insisted repeatedly that he did not live here. I walked with him around the house and showed him all of our family photos. He wondered why strangers had our family pics. So as I sit here and reflect, I wonder if I triggered some sort of accelerated memory lapse. The thought that he could forget who I am paralyzes me. I am his only relative and he is mine. He adopted me as a single man in the 70s when I was 7 years old, and it's always just been him and I. :(

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No, I don't believe you broke your dad. The excursion which was a wonderful treat you gave him may have just tuckered him out too much.

Who knows what goes on in the mind of an Alzheimer's sufferer. My father had Alzheimer's. He had other problems as well in his 91st year. He was on hospice and after he moved from the AL apartment he shared with mom and moved to SNF his memory declined more quickly. We were lucky, he knew his family up to the day he died, even my brother that he hadn't seen for a couple of years. He could get very agitated about what was happening in his world. One day while visiting he was upset because he owed some woman $25 dollars, I told him I had paid it already and the check was on its way. He called me one night - or the nurse called for him - again it was about money - he had to have a large sum of money - now! I explained the banks were closed and he had to wait till the next morning when I'd be there with the required sum knowing he'd forget it by morning.

Don't try and make your father understand that he is in his home, its too stressful for him and just confuses him more. I didn't consider my answers as lies since the scenario was all to real to dad (I called it visiting his world or his delusion.) If he doesn't accept that he is in his home, find an answer that will provide him with as much comfort and peace as possible. Hold onto the memories you have of him. Try not to stress yourself out over this as there is nothing you can do. It may sound mean and perverse, but I smile when I remember his delusions regarding money dad had. Some were a little harder to handle such as telling me mom was out spending all their money and visiting "her boyfriends". Some are painful such as when I was told the nurses had to hold onto him because he was trying to rescue children from a burning building that wasn't there. (One of the reasons they had to hold onto him was because he was too weak and was always falling - I always cringed when early morning or late evening phone calls came because it almost always meant he had fallen again - or more likely slid to the floor.)

Alzheimer's is a rollercoaster and it is heartbreaking to watch a LO decline. Hang onto the memories of your father because no matter what happens to him in this journey, he will always be in your heart. Good Luck.
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Papaismyangel Mar 2021
Thank u very much!
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You did not "break" your dad. He is losing his memories, starting with the most recent and slowly losing those more distant. he has lost the memories of living in his home and pretty much all the memories associated with that time and later. Don't fret. He has held onto the memory that your are somebody special in his life and he cares for you.
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Papaismyangel Mar 2021
Thx😊
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I read a post from someone whose parent insisted that it wasn’t their home. The poster took them out for a short drive, past well known places (the local McDonalds?), talked about how nice it would be to go home and see xyz just inside the door. Then took them back, they accepted it as home, and forgot all about the previous visit. It might be worth a try.
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Papaismyangel Mar 2021
That is a fantastic idea! 👍 thank u!
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How sad. It is a vicious disease, but I don't think you did ANYthing to trigger this reaction. You both had a good time while doing it right? so savor that memory and the good feelings, and hopefully tomorrow will be better. It's hard to go thru this insanity alone with no support. I am not a group person but when we had a good facilitator it was helpful to go to a support group sponsored by the ALzheimer's Assn for adult children. Even if you only go once or twice you might connect with one or two people who get it and if all are willing you can exchange info on the parking lot, keep in touch etc. It sounds like he is especially special to you under the circumstances. He's lucky to have you by his side. When you recuperate if you don't, maybe try to connect with a neurologist that specializes in these diseases to help explain and understand it all better. I don't know if they'd do a virtual visit, but here in Cleveland we have the Foley Elderhealth center and a wonderful doc who works there is Alan Lerner. One of the good guys:-) Take good care....
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IMO, you just tired him out. And because of this he kind of "sundowned". This was a big day for him. You are lucky he lasted as long as he did. My Mom would have been ready to go home an hour after you started. You just over stimulated him. You can't make them worse. But be aware, he will have lucid days and not so lucid days. Change from routine does effect them. They do better with a routine. Maybe next outing just an hour.

You do realize that he really should not be left alone. Someone should be with him at least at night. They wander during the night. Checking in frequently during the day if you don't actually want to live there. There is no ryhmn or reason to ALZ. What they do one day is not what they do the next. You cannot reason with them or expect them to remember, don't use the stove. You are now dealing with a person with the brain of a small child. The child can learn, your Dad can't. His brain is dying little by little.

There is a great video on You Tube. Put Alzheimer video in their search. Pick the one with the yellow brain. It takes you thru every stage.
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Papaismyangel Mar 2021
Thanks!!!
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You did nothing wrong by taking your dad on a day trip. if you had taken your dad to a Dr's office and took a different route than normal he could have reacted the same exact way.
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No, it wasn't the outing. But this sudden acceleration does make me want to suggest you consider taking in a UA to the lab to test for infection, or at least do the dip stick test at home (can get from amazon through one called Azo test strip). Just to see if a UA to lab is indicated. Dad had a busy day. He may have been tired.
If this continues you will have more worries re his ability to stay in home alone, but time will tell. Hope you will update us, but for now am chalking this up to exhaustion of a busy day.
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The drive was a kindness to him and didn’t change anything. Perhaps your dad has been confused about the home for some time and only now voiced his thoughts. Please don’t correct or argue with him, dementia is doing it’s damage and he can’t process what you’re saying. Learn all you can about the possibilities on what’s to come, I always feel better when I know more about something. Your dad is blessed to have you in his corner and I wish you both peace
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Papaismyangel Mar 2021
Thank u😊
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No, you cannot make your dad's Alzheimer's worse by taking him for a drive and caring for him in such a loving way. It's the nature of the disease that's playing tricks with his mind and sending along error messages, not something you're doing wrong that's confusing him. For some reason, where they live seems to be a HUGE point of confusion for these folks, my mother included. She's lived in the same place for years but now insists she lives elsewhere no matter what I say to her. I just go along with it, as arguing gets me nowhere. Once they get an idea stuck in their head, you can't chop it out of there with a chisel, so why try? Just agree with your dad or divert his attention, or come up with a white lie to suit the situation at hand, whatever is required to keep him calm.

As far as forgetting who you are is concerned, it can happen, but doesn't always. We read a lot of posts here about sons and daughters, wives and husband's who have to cope with the fact that their loved one believes they are someone else. They have to go along with it, too, because there's no other choice. WE have to enter THEIR reality now, whatever it may be at the moment, and go with the flow. It's hard, no joke.

Go to Alz.org and read up about the disease and what to expect, how to cope, and how to handle certain situations. Continue reading posts here, too, to hear others stories and coping mechanisms. Also, be sure your dad's home has locks installed high up on the exterior doors so he cannot get out at night and wander away. Also remove all the chemicals from under the sink and lock up medications, etc. Unplug electric appliances like the stove if he's ever at home alone, or even if he's not but you're sleeping. They tend to have trouble sleeping at night and get into mischief as they have no sense of danger anymore. As the disease progresses, he can get into trouble in 1000 different ways.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation
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