My step-Father is literally a road block with every health care decision I want to make for my Mother. My step-Father can hardly walk because of back issues, he refuses to use a walker, he falls all the time and he has rubber bones. He refuses to talk about a care facility. He cannot remember to give my Mother her medication because he drinks at night. My step-Father cannot take care of my Mother and my Mother cannot take care of him. I have Medical and Durable POA over the both of them. I would like my Mother to go to a memory care facility where she would get regular meals and care. I work full-time and cannot take care of her. I have a care-giver coming into their house every Tuesday night to fix dinner. (That's all my step-Dad would allow). My Mother is so tiny, she's not getting good nutrition and she's not drinking enough liquids. HELP! All 6 of my sisters live out of state and refuse to come help.
www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-get-guardianship-of-elderly-parents-140693.htm
The fact that your step-father drinks is also a challenge for your mother's well-being. He isn't using proper judgment pertaining to the realities of their needed care, and also makes him less suitable as a decision maker, so don't fear using your POA's to make decisions. Consulting with an elder care attorney will give you more confidence regarding your decisions. ;-)
A place like that takes care of the drinking issue and medications-on-time problems and having decent food. I hope you find a pathway forward and a place for them as good as the one I was able to find. I checked out 8 or 9 AL facilities to find this really good one--the only one that had apartments large enough for two people.
This isn't cheap, but with retirement income still coming in, long term care insurance each month and their savings, I have managed so far. Their town home is almost ready to sell and that will add to his savings and provide another 16 months or so of payments. And I have another year or more of his IRA investments to tap. After that, his veterans' payments will be accepted, even though they come to much less than what he is now being billed for. But, that he is safe and well tended to, as was his wife, answered a lot of concerns for me.
I think you have gotten good advice to speak with your Mother’s physician as well as to a lawyer who has experience in this area. Not all lawyers have the relevant experience. Let us know how things work out, or if you need support. I know what a stressful time this must be for you. I am sure you feel the worry constantly.
Margaret