My Husband has dementia and the doctors have been saying that I need to be home with him. They wanted someone to be in the house with him he has made it clear that he doesn't want a stranger in the house. So we have been trying to see what I need to do to become his caregiver.
He doesn't have to accept the caregiver at first. You tell him the caregiver is there for YOU. Have the aid help you with food prep, cooking, light housekeeping, and companionship.
Eventually he will become accustomed to this person. Do not let his dementia "drive the bus" in your life or it will go off a cliff. Do whatever it takes to retain your best life. Self-care will be extremely important and your #1 priority. He will adjust to changes.
In New York state there is a program where a family caregiver can get paid but your LO needs to qualify. It is a process and paperwork will need to be completed.
If your husband is a Veteran the VA now pays a spouse to care for the Veteran.
The VA also has programs that will provide caregivers for a limited number of hours.
With a diagnosis of dementia to the point where a doctor is telling you that he can not be left alone and that someone needs to be with him at all times your husband can no longer call the shots as to who is going to be in the house. YOU, 1 person can not do the job of a caregiver 24/7/365.
Some things you can do:
* If there is an Adult Day Program in your area get him involved in it. Typically they will pick up the participants in the morning in a van and transport to the Program. They get a breakfast, Lunch, Snack and are involved in activities sometimes will go on trips, have art therapists come in, music therapists....
2 or 3 days a week would be great for both of you.
* Getting a caregiver in now. You can start with a simple introduction like ..."Bill, this is my friend Kathy. We are going to sit and have coffee would you like to join us? " This way "Kathy" and "Bill" can get to know each other. The next time Kathy comes over say "OH, I need milk, you both will be fine while I run out for a gallon of milk" Leave and come back an hour later. the next week you can do the same thing and be gone longer.
While you are in the house the caregiver can help you with household chores and when your husband needs help you can conveniently be busy and the caregiver can help him. You ease into the amount of care that the caregiver does.
But again he does not get to say he does not want anyone in the house.
This is a big adjustment for you as well. It is difficult having a "stranger" come into your home. You are giving up part of your autonomy as well