Follow
Share

A neighbor who I met twice (briefly) reported to APS that I can’t take care of myself, based on one time when it took me a couple minutes to find my car in a crowded lot.
APS had called me multiple times and come to my house more than once, unannounced. I told them the first time they called that I needed no help. They have been harassing me by phone and unannounced visits.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Gut reaction here but...
If they visited once and if there was NO cause for concern they would not return. It is not like these people sit in an office with noting to do.
If they are continuing to visit you they may be a bit concerned.
What does your doctor say? Have you had a recent physical? If so and your doctor does not see any cognitive decline other than what would be "normal" have him/ her indicate so in a letter and give a copy to APS next time they come.
You can sue but it will cost you $$$ if and when you find an attorney to take the case.
As for the phone calls. If it is your land line, don't answer. If it is your cell phone you can block the calls. When they come visit unannounced do not answer the door or tell them you were just leaving and get your keys and go.
OR
Invite them in for a nice tall glass of Iced Tea and have a chat. (as my Grandma used to say..you catch more flies with honey then vinegar. You be nice and they may decide to leave you alone)

Now all this is based upon the thought that every thing is OK and you are not having any problems.
If you are (and unfortunately you may not realize if you are) what they are doing is for your protection. So they are doing what has to be done it is MANDATED that they follow up on any complaints and concerns and they will continue to follow up until they are sure that everything is ok.

So the more you cooperate the faster any investigation will be over. This is actually your best course of action.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Do you have family nearby, or someone assigned as your PoA? If neither then maybe look at this as your neighbor cares enough to worry about your wellbeing. That's more than a lot of seniors have. I'm sure it was shocking and unpleasant to have this happen to you, but as other responders have noted, it may be for a reason. APS is not harassing you. They are following up on a report by a concerned person.

And if you don't have family nearby or a PoA then I think this incident is a signal that you need to get a legal representative in place before you are unable to do it. At least it will be your choice on your terms. If you don't get someone of your choosing into place, then the county will be the one to (eventually) acquire guardianship over you so that decisions in your best interests can be legally made on your behalf. Our senior years is not the time to isolate ourselves! It's ok to need and ask for help. It's not going to get better or go away on its own. Just read some of the posts on this forum if you want to know what kind of a poop show it can turn into when a solo senior needs more help than they realize or are able to ask for. May you gain wisdom and clarify from this event.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

No, you cannot sue someone for attempting to protect and help you, no matter how misguided they are, unless they do something like use a battering ram to enter your home when you don't answer the door. Many worried neighbors call for wellness checks and I can't tell you how often here on Forum we suggest to people who are worried over a neighbor that they DO call for wellness check.
As to the unwanted visits, you should calmly tell them that you feel they are harassing you with calls and visits, that they need to relax and let you alone now, that you will take onto yourself the responsibility for what happens to you if they don't check on you.
In truth, I am amazed that APS has not spoken with them if they have called more than twice. I might consider MYSELF calling APS and having an arranged meeting with neighbors to discuss.
I am surprised you found out WHO reported you to APS. That's unusual.
You are clearly articulate and I believe if you cannot, by talking with your neighbor come to an agreement, or by asking APS to mediate an agreement, you can get a stay away order through the courts.
Sad they are so concerned and you hate it. Would you, I wonder, consent to a daily call in the evening for wellness check, or do you feel they are truly out of line. I know at 80 I would both appreciate the thought in it, and if it went far, resent it.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Jackie, document EVERYTHING:  times, dates, what was done, and more.    And switch to e-mail so that your positions and responses are also documented.  

You do not have to open your door if you don't know who's there.   Nor do you have to be available to anyone who comes.  That includes APS.  Nor do you have to accept phone calls; let them go to voice mail, then carefully write down everything in the message.

Alva, on the point of suing, I disagree with you.  The OP can sue for libel and/or slander, but they're both hard to prove, especially as to "intent", and especially in a situation like this.  
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Yes, I would like to know how you knew it was ur neighbor? APS is not allowed to tell u who filed the complaint. Boy, if not being able to find my car was something APS could be called for, I would have them at my doorstep lots.

I agree, for them to keep calling and coming back, they must have noticed something they felt needed following up on. I agree, get a physical from your Doctor and if he finds nothing to be concerned with, ask that he write a letter to APS stating this. Do you have family? Friends? If so, ask them to contact APS and tell them that they keep in touch with you so APS intervention is not needed.

I may not answer my door to a stranger. (I actually want to get a camera where I can talk to who is at the front door so I don't have to open it) You may want to answer your phone because if you don't, they will definitely do a "well check". If you don't open the door, they may send the police. I would open the door (hopefully you have a screen door u can lock) and tell them its not a good time for a visit.

I like the idea of a meeting and take along a family member or a friend. Do not go alone. Explain that their many calls and coming unannounced is harassment to you. They can then tell you, and the person you are with, why they feel you need to be "overseen".
Really, they must have given you a reason for the calls and home visits the first time they came.

One more thing, how old are you? Yes, it makes a difference.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
reallyfedup Jun 2022
I used to have a white Mazda Miata. A tiny car. I was forever unable to find it. It conked out after 20 years and now I have a dark blue Saab. Which looks like all the other cars in the parking lot. I've been looking for my car for 25 years.
(3)
Report
Here in Denver, it's agin' the law to make a false report to APS. But the likelihood the police will follow up on it is virtually nil. Unless you neighbor continues to contact APS, I would just forget about her.

The APS enforcers appear to be your problem. Make notes about when they showed up and how often, how often they called, what they said to you, and any names they gave. Then call the head of the APS office harassing you and clearly and calmly explain your problem. If that doesn't work, move up the line to the next bureaucratic level, maybe state health and human services. If that doesn't work, contact your city council member or representative. But I suggest you forget suing your neighbor. Best wishes and sorry you're having to go through this.

NOTE: Several commenters here have said that APS doesn't reveal reporters' names. But in our experience, the police have loose lips. We fired a caretaker who was lying on her timesheet and assaulted my sister. Awhile later, the police showed up because of a report we were pouring liquor down my mother's throat. They mentioned the caretaker's name. We got the APS visit and both my sister and I got calls from an APS investigator. It was obviously an attempt at revenge and I called the police to ask if a criminal case could be filed and they said that the basic answer was probably no.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

No, you can't 'sue' someone for trying to help you, nor can you 'sue' APS for trying to protect you! My question is, what's going on that APS keeps 'bothering' you? They have more than enough to do w/o wasting their time on an elder who has 'nothing wrong' with her, that's for sure!

Maybe it's time to take a good hard look at how you're living, and ask yourself if you're HONESTLY safe and taking proper care of yourself?

To think of this situation in terms of 'libel' or 'slander' is outrageous, in my opinion. Have we turned into SUCH a 'sue-happy' society that we cannot ATTEMPT to take care of our neighbor if we feel they are in DANGER or in need of HELP of some kind, w/o worrying we'll get sued for making a phone call????
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter