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I have been the live in primary caregiver for my father, (and mother before she passed last year), for almost 4 years. My sister who lives in another state is POA. I transport my father to appointments and take him places in my own personal car. Now my sister is trying to tell me I can't loan my car to MY son, because, "what if something happens and you don't have your car?". The family trust pays for the gas in my car and the insurance, however, if I let my son drive it, he puts gas in it, with his own funds.

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Then if something happens you call an ambulance. If it is an urgent situation that would be the only way, anyway. Otherwise call a cab or wait until son brings the car back. No she cannot tell you what to do with your property or your life. Develop strong and firm boundaries.

And I hope you are being paid by the trust for your caregiving.
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Sister sounds like trouble. Why does she have POA if she lives in another state and you are the hands on caretaker?
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One simple rule: don't be a hands on caregiver without having POA.
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I don't think she has a say so in who or how your car is driven. That is beyond the duties of a POA. It might be a worry of hers but that's all. There are other modes of transportation as well as just getting a new car if the car is wrecked by you or whomever. People really are something aren't they?
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if Trustee is paying the insurance out of the Trust then Trustee then she has some influence. I would suggest having her pay you the IRS government mileage rate and you pay the insurance from that. This way as long as you have the insurance coverage required by law and its non of her business who drives your car as long as it's in your name and you pay for it 100 percent and the Trust pays you mileage.
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"what if something happens and you don't have your car?" I'm a tough love person. If something happens regardless of who is driving, tell your sister the POA can arrange for alternate transportation.
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If he's competent, ask your father to make you his POA.
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I would tell sister, you are right. I should have complete control over MY car, but a car has to be available for transport. So..you should purchase another car for the exclusive use of Father for transport and all of Fathers needs (grocery shopping, pharmacy runs, etc).

Bet that shuts her up.
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Unless the insurance policy states coverage for your son, he would not be covered in case of an accident. The POA has no say in who drives your car, but if your son gets involve in an accident there will be no coverage for fixtures or funds if totaled. I believe most states, except New Hampshire and Virginia, require some type of coverage for every licensed driver.
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A POA can do a lot -- I suggest transfer POA to you or ship your father to your sister. If I were in your situation I would tell her and if she still wants her cake and eat it too, I would make her take care of him.
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I think KatieKate has the right idea; and actually I'm being serious, not mischievous. If your father's funds allow it, there could be all kinds of advantages in getting him his own car (which you drive, qua chauffeuse), such as choosing a model that will be easy and comfortable to load him into as he becomes less mobile, safety features perhaps, the pleasure for him of doing man stuff by talking to dealers and choosing a nice shiny new car (reserve the right of veto! - you can't easily get a wheelchair into a Ferrari); plus it would be easier to separate all expenses completely that way.

And yes it would remove the thorn of sister's feeling entitled to question what you're doing with your own private property, the cheeky madam.
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The statement about insurance on your son may or may not be correct. It depends on your state/where the car is registered. Check with your ins. agent. After experiencing my situation with my aging parents, I would never assume caretaker status without being POA.....both property and financial. Having helpful siblings helps tremendously. Still a stressful and time consuming job.
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If the "trust" is paying for the insurance there can be stipulations on who is covered. Let alone an accident. If your son did have an accident and a claim filed it is possible that payment could be denied since he is not authorized on the police. Any claim would have to come from his insurance coverage. Can your son afford to have the type of insurance that would cover such an event?
The fact that you would not have a car to do your "job" would be easy to get around, you could rent a car and most policies can be written to allow for a loaner. The same would happen if you were driving the car and had an accident or the car broke down.
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Have you seen a copy of the official POA document? Are you sure you are not listed as POA as well. My brother and I are both listed as POAs.
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There are always two sides, would like to hear sister who has Poa side of this
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There are always two sides, sister w/poa. Her side?
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Are you being paid for caregiving? At least in your mind, that might make a difference, if you are an employee who is required to have access to an automobile 24/7.
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With our insurance company, all licensed members of the household must be listed on the insurance or they won't be covered. But if the auto is loaned to someone outside the household they WOULD be covered. So there is some reason for concern if he lives with you and you have not added him on to the insurance. That said it really sounds like time to re-assess the situation. You becoming POA would be best, but really doesn't solve that insurance issue. There will still be the same considerations, even ifyour sister isn't in the position to give orders. If the POA stays as is, you might want to renegociated the car situation. It's your car, you obviously need it for yourself, but are doing a service with transporting your father that involves your effort , not just use of car and gase.. Perhaps it would be better for you to be reimbursed for the service as well as the use of vehicle and gas, on a per trip basis, or per week/month basis. As simple short taxi ride is easliy $25. An amubulette ride for an elder to a doctors office with minimal attendence amy be $75 to $100 or more depending on location and neediness of the elder. Now you might not expect to get that much, but just the proposal of this to your sister, might have her reconsidering her objections.
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If father is competent then no need to step in as POA. POA is not the all knowing controller of anyone. POA is to abide by what the father intended and follow his wishes.
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You have gotten excellent advice. I agree that you should have a copy of the POA in hand and you should be paid for caregiving including charging the IRS allowable mileage to transport your father. Otherwise, your father should have his own vehicle. You should also have a contract for caring for your father and have an attorney determine whether you should charge the business mileage rate or the medical mileage rate.

53.5 cents per mile for business miles driven
17 cents per mile driven for medical purposes

Your sister sounds like a control freak.
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It sounds like you pretty much have everything covered, but I think the concern she has with your son borrowing the car depending on his age is the possibility that he could wreck it and be under insured or uninsured. If someone wrecks your car, guess who gets stuck paying for it question it's not the person who wrecked it, it's you! I think this may be what she's getting at. Depending on how young he is, maybe she's trying to clue you in on younger drivers being a very high risk, which is why their premiums are higher. It's really not a good idea to loan your car anyway. If something happens, you're the one responsible since the law will come back on you and the car is registered in your name. The same rule goes for if he's pulled over for something, they'll hold you responsible since it's your car
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Does your son assist with his grandfather either regularly or occationally? - if so then he is your back-up & sis should include him on insurance - if you are sick who cares for your dad & what level of care does he need? - if your dad needs help daily & sonny fills in when you have the flu or such then he should be covered
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BarbBrooklyn is correct. You're the caregiver and so you should be the POA.
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Being a caretaker and POA are two very separate things. I have family that COULD (but wouldn't even help) take care of Dad's daily living, but it would be disastrous to give them control of the money. This should be treated like a business arrangement. If your father has funds, he should provide the vehicle or at least IRS allowable mileage and a contract for caregiving should be put into place. Then sis can take a flying leap. Well, she can take a flying leap anyway, bc it's none of her business who drives your car, no matter who is paying the insurance. In the 'real' world, no place of business can tell me who can drive my car. As for getting a copy of the POA -- great if you're on good terms. Not sharing a copy of mine unless a court orders me to, which they would need legal basis for.
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Insurance may be an issue. In my state, I kept my sons on while they were still dependent, under 25, and away in college, because they used it in the summer. Call insurance co. to find out.
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If you purchased the car & it is titled to you, then my personal opinion is that she is out of line telling you what to do with it.
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This one cracks me up. Really🤣 You are caregiving hands on and your sister is telling you what to do with your car. Use your dads car(if there is one) for dad things, and yours for your life. I hope your making at least $1k a week if you've givin up your life to handle all of this
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You have an insurance card. Call the insurance company/agent and determine whether your son is covered under the policy. If not, what will it take to have him covered on this policy?  It may or may not cost more. If it costs more, consider paying it if the insurance company says it is okay that you pay.

Why was sister made POA? Do you have challenges managing money conservatively? This is intended as a rhetorical question. If she is best as POA so be it, but as a general rule, as a caregiver I would want to be POA.

It is important that you have an agreement in place that compensates you for your work. This could go on for many years and your sacrifices should be compensated.
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Get him a cheap non owner insurance thus not connected to any car sincr he dont own a car i live in texas and my son was told to get nonowners ins. Like 40 at the most a month
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