Caregiver burnout and trying to date - Has anyone found a good way to meet others who understand?
I love my dad and will never turn my back on him. I put my life on hold over 9 years ago after he suffered a severe stroke. Fought like hell to keep him alive and care for him. A couple years later I figured out how to go back to work full time and have been juggling both the last 7 years.
Between fighting for him, then working to re-build my career and maintain both our lives, with others working against us in the past, it is hard to trust.
It was hard enough to meet someone before being the primary caregiver for an ill parent. I've had to fight so hard for the last decade and exhausted myself building security for us both. I find it hard to meet anyone, on top of that the idea of trusting them is all the harder.
I've dated a couple times but it usually results in them waiting for me to put him in a home or just taking advantage of the fact I'm a good person.
I never expected to lose my 30s but the last decade has flown by and I still want to meet someone and hopefully have the opportunity to start a family. However no one I know is willing to set me up with anyone because they say the responsibilities I have aren't fair to put on another person. Wow, that statement still shocks me to hear. You can't find someone more loving, caring and dependable as a caregiver. Yes our lives have challenges, but we are amazing people, know how to multi-task and solve problems like no other. We are amazing people that anyone would be lucky and truly blessed to have in their life.
We come with challenges but who doesn't. Suggestions on places to meet, we need single caregiver support groups but I haven't found any. Found this site while searching and thought I'd post this and see if anyone has found a better way.
I think someone who was wanting to make a life with you would expect to be a high priority in your life. If caring for your father was making that impossible, I'm not surprised that the prospective partner would want you to place your father in a care facility. It sounds like you've set your priorities very firmly, which doesn't leave much room for a new partner. If other people have made this work, I'd be curious to know how. It's hard for me to see it, though.
I would think that the first set of issues for a caregiver is not just meeting someone, but finding the time to date, as well as finding someone to care for the parent or other person, especially if that person can't be left alone.
I honestly don't have any good suggestions, and it's really not an interest for me at my age. I don't think I'd have the patience to go through the sometimes juvenile games that people often play when they're dating.
OTOH, I've met a few men at rehab, but the conversations were about our parents who were at the rehab facility, and caregiving - nothing on a personal level otherwise.