However my husband is still aware of many things and from the time he awakes to about 3 pm he’s ok. Needs help with daily living but after that he often times gets restless and sometimes agitated. I’m finding it very hard on me.
Is this time to look into memory care?
If you can not care for him safely (this is not just physical safety but mental/emotional safety. Burnout is a real problem)
If you can increase the length of time caregivers are there to help you that might delay having to place him in Memory Care.
Have you looked into Adult Day Care? That would give you a break and give him some activity during the day. Going 2 to 3 times a week would be a nice break for both of you.
It's also wrong thinking to feel that he has to be 'incoherent' or 'not recognize you' in order for it to be 'the right time' to place him! My mother had advanced dementia with dreadful Sundowning and STILL recognized me as her daughter! She was still coherent and not sitting in the corner drooling, for petesake! Dementia affects everyone differently. Alzheimer's is the disease that sometimes makes a person forget who their loved ones are as they regress in time back to childhood. The other dementias don't always affect a person that way.
The 'right time' to place your husband is when YOU can't handle him effectively anymore at home. When you're burned out to a crisp and have no quality of life left anymore b/c you're devoting 24/7 to his care and 0 to your own self care. When he has very little quality of life left at home b/c he's bored, agitated and restless to the point where HE has nothing to do to occupy HIS time and is left wandering around aimlessly with no goal. In Memory Care, their days are structured with activities, meals and other events that give them a timeline which they NEED to function. Showers are scheduled, meals are scheduled, activities are arranged to fit their abilities, socialization takes place so they're kept occupied too, which is a different scenario than the home. Placing him does not mean you've 'abandoned' him; it means you're offering him a new lifestyle in a safe environment and yourself a new lifestyle where you're no longer a 24/7 caregiver but a wife once again who goes to visit her husband every so often.
In the meantime, you can look into adult daycare for your husband and also call his doctor for calming meds for the Sundowning. Ativan worked pretty well for my mother; .25 mgs every 8 hours to start.
Wishing you the best of luck with all you have on your plate.
Memory care is not what people envision, we just moved my stepmother from AL to MC, she is busier than ever, they have more activities in MC and generally get more one-to-one attention.
You only have one pass through here, you are entitled to be happy and at peace.
Do what is best for you, he will not get better, it is all downhill from here.
Only you can decide when the time is right. I think it will never be easy. There will never come a time when it is "OK" for you. Nor for him. It will be painful.
But I think you will come to the time when all things weighed you will make the best decision you are able to out of those decisions, non of which will be easy or good.
I am so sorry for you both. This is dreadfully difficult. Only you can decide. As you read the Forum today you will see so many face to face with decisions, non of which are "the answer" or even a "good answer. It is just so very hard.