Been 8yr caregive for MIL w/Alheimer's. Husband does nothing to help. Help me!. I can't go back. Have begged husband to put MIL in in-patient mem-care. Her ins. + Vet's income wll pay all, though takes awhile to get Vets. Ins. alone pays 80% for 100 days/yr., He won't even do that just to give me a break. I just can NOT go gack to house with her there. My husband SAYS and SAYS and SAYS (empty words!) he'll help, but he never does. I'm already taking Effexxor and Klonopin because of her, and am stilll a mess. I just can NOT do this any more. I left. I just packed up and ran away. Now and told him to call my cell when his mother either died or he put her into in-[atient care.Now what do I do?
Your husband needs to see first hand what your world was like caring for his mother before he can even begin to understand. This is a huge wake up call for him that has long needed to happen. Do not go back until the situation is resolved!
Mimsey, I don't mean to take the focus away from you and your obvious pain and exasperation and need of healing. I'm saying I know exactly where you are and fully agree that you did what you had to do to survive. We're both in survival mode.
My personal opinion of the medical professions' way of handling dementia, is nothing but prolonged agony for both the person with dementia and the caregiver(s). Yeah, I'm really P.O.'d today.
I've priced assisted care, and some other ways of caring for my Mother, and they are all way too expensive. (One month in the local dementia facilities is almost what I make in a year!) She doesn't have those kinds of financial resources to pay for that, nor do I. She does have some resources, but they won't go far. Those resources were supposed to go to her children, but it looks like we won't have any inheritance now since it will go to pay for her NH care. What a way to end life! No wonder that so many seniors take a look at all this, get tired of dealing with it all, and sit down and decide to die. Life wears them out.
Take care of yourself, Mimsey, and all you other caregivers because no one else is going to do it for you.
Also reach out to any friends or family and ask them to start calling churches to see who may offer a program for you. I live in Houston and there is an organization that offers "gatherings" at a number of local churches. Families can drop off their loved one for several hours to be care for and participate in activities. The family is then free to go shopping, take a nap, get a massage or whatever they need or want to do. This is not a perfect solution but a help. :-)
I find myself saying in a joking way, "I have no life." The sad part is it's becoming fact.
I think we are all concerned we haven't heard from you in 3 days. As one of us said, maybe you don't have computer access. We all wish you well and hope you are okay. PLEASE let us know as SOON as you are able. Everyone here is sending you positive energy and best wishes...hearts