I was planning on visiting with my sister who lives three hours away in November, for a weekend. We planned to go see a play, hang out, etc. Last night she told me she invited dad to the play and has purchased the tickets! I told her I was looking forward to some time away from the house by myself and that it bugged me. So now I feel bad, dad is rearing to go and husband says I need to get my feelings under control about caregiving and that its not forever. Been doing this for over a year full time, am I wrong to ask for a couple of days away??
I'd have a heart to heart with your sister. Tell her you love her, but you are VERY disappointed that she invited dad without consulting you. You are desperate for a break (by the way, why has she not offered to give you any reprieve???) from caregiving and, as such, relish the time she will have with dad while you are able to get some needed rest and pampering.
Let your sister a tiny, itsy bitsy experience of caregiving that you have had to handle the past year. In fact, add on additional days for a more comprehensive experience.
If you can't tell I am bothered by what she did. It pushed buttons with me as my siblings pulled similar experiences. Painful.
Of course, it is not wrong to want a couple of days off to yourself. Sis made a one-sided decision to include dad without considering your feelings. Let her live with the consequences. Surely she must have some idea that you need a break. Does she help with dad at all, or have there been some tensions between you in that area?
I am afraid I disagree with your husband. If he tried caregiving for a year without a break, I think his response would be different. I wonder if he does not want the job of caring for dad when you are away – or do you have some other arrangement for dad’s care when you are away?
My dear, you don’t have much family support do you? ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Oh my, you do have a problem!
I am glad you did what you did that time, You were quite right to tell sis she had to pick him up as she made the plans - BUT - apparently she has not got the message yet.
Dear one, this cannot continue, or, if it does sis must experience the consequences of her choices each time.
Do you sense a lot of indignation and support here? I do. Perseverance suggested having a heart to heart with your sis. I think that is a good idea. Tell her you MUST be consulted, or, if she makes plans for you and dad again, she will be responsible for dad herself in all aspects of the plan, and you will make other plans for yourself. I agree that she can arrange transportation for dad this time too. Arranging your time like this is inconsiderate and frankly, it is manipulation, Yes, dad desires family time, but it has to work for you too. He will get over it. She could come and visit you and him for family time or whatever works for you.
Obviously, you have to keep setting boundaries with her for you own protection. I am a little shocked at her behaviour, but then, I have a sis who tries things too without consulting me, so I shouldn't be. I refuse to be drawn into that stuff. Either come out with your proposed plans to me straight, so we can discuss it before anything is arranged, or forget it.
Let us know how it works out. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) and keep sticking up for you!
58 - we were posting at the same time. This is what I wrote before you posted. I stand by it.