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Am I the only one, or are any of you other caregivers dealing with the symptoms of menopause along with your caregiving duties? I get about 3-4 hrs. of sleep a night and then wake up soaking wet from night sweats. When I get a bit of time to myself , I cry.. without my mum knowing. Sometimes I get so angry (not at my mum) I shake, it just lasts a few minutes and then it's over. My emotions are up and down and everything seems overwhelming at times. Other than HRT, have any of you found a way to keep calm and reduce symptoms so it doesn't affect your caregiving duties? I do go for a 45 minute walk every day.

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Also.. there are 2 pages on Facebook.
Menopause Matters and Menopause sucks
Lots of good questions and answers on these 2 pages!
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First let me say, thank goodness we can finally talk about this subject. My family is predominantly female and my mother was a healthcare professional for over 40 years, yet this topic was taboo. I was furious that I wasn't warned of the pitfalls of going through menopause. I've had to come up with my own answers on how to deal with this.

First, since I sleep alone, I keep my bedroom as cold as possible by keeping the window open year round and have hung a blanket over the door to keep the heat from the rest of the house out ( I can't close the door since I need to hear Mom if she needs me during the night ). Also I sleep in a cotton T shirt to absorb the sweat with a spare at hand for a quick change w/o getting up. To get to sleep, I take melatonin and alpha-lipoic acid because I suffer from insomnia.

For the other symptoms of menopause, I've stopped eating processed foods
and anything that has hormones in them ( was drinking a half gallon of milk a day and meat every night ). My symptoms have DIMINISHED GREATLY and have lost 5 lbs so far. I have been on this new diet for three months. I was off again on again for three months before that but it's gotten easier as I saw the improvement in my health.

I realize now that I need to take better care of myself so I can better care for my blind, 88 yo Mom with diminishing mental ability ( which is contagious if they're the only one you have to talk to all day, I've had to use the dictionary 5 times to type this and I read a lot and have a degree ).

If you ask me why I didn't just go to the doctor and get HRT, I'd tell you I don't have health insurance since I quit my job to care for Mom 24/7. I promised her that she would never go into a home, after she ran the night shift in a nursing home at the end of her career. We live off her retirement, which is just enough to survive.

I hope this info may help someone out there, good luck to you all! Reading about what others are experiencing and knowing that I'm not alone in this helps to keep me sane. If I could hug you all I'd love to do so. Until then, fight the good fight and KNOW YOU ARE LOVED.
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I would like to know too...a few glasses of red wine when I get home helps. May not sound healthy but who cares? I do not want to live as long if I feel like my mom does...I have never been so down...I went to sleep @ 12:00 & Im back up @ 1:00...really! My brothers are not around, the only comfort is my husband. Im sorry that I don't have any answer's...it looks like no one does...God Bless you.
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Yes I deal with both. I got over the counter menopausal pills from Walmart. Seem to help me.
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Thank-you everybody for your comments. You all had many helpful suggestions. Once the night sweats stop I'm sure my sleep will improve. I don't drink alcohol so that is a bonus. I am going to eliminate chocolate as that is something that I consume too much of as well as other sweets. I will continue with daily exercise and I am going to try meditation. Hopefully if I can relax better, the tears will lessen too! :-)
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Macada, you have a lot of responses here and I haven't read through all of them, but to add my two cents: I take a 3 mg melatonin tablet every night when I get ready for bed, then I read for about 15 minutes until I get very sleepy. I also take calcium-magnesium tablets (2 in the am/2 at bedtime). Magnesium is supposed to help with sleep too, I've been told by my sister the doctor. Go to bed around the same time every night and get up around the same time every morning. Avoid alcohol, especially too close to bed time. I used to have a glass of wine in the evenings after dinner while relaxing and watching TV before bed. That is the death knell for any sleep nowadays as I deal with perimenopause. My night sweats were very bad for about 5 months this year, then about a month ago, they stopped! Yay! Not sure it had anything to do with anything I'm doing; I think it is just hormonal. Anyway, those are some ideas for you. I hope you hit on something that works for you. Sleep is SO important and I do ANYTHING to nurture and protect my sleep. It's hard for me to fathom that in my 20s, I could go out until 1 or 2 in the morning, then come home, fall right to sleep and get up for work the next morning! Time is a cruel, cruel mistress. Ha!
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Krusso, that happens to me too, but it's not disappearing. It just sort of reboots everything and takes you back a step, but your "helpful answer" has been added to the number (I've checked on mine many times!).
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Macada, sorry you are going through this along with caregiving. Doubly stressful.

I don't think I can give you any helpful hints since I went through menopause about 18 years ago when I still worked. I did not use HRT because I was unsure of it. I just sort of went with the flow, so to speak. I used to throw myself over or into the freezer section when a hot flash hit in the grocery store. I'm sure I looked really stupid. At work, I warned people to stay the H__ away from me if they knew what was smart, and they did.

I just want to tell you, you will make it through this. It will, believe it or not, end. Plus, you will probably laugh at a lot of stuff in following years. I used to want a baby (never had one) so badly during menopause, I'd cry on buses and subways when I'd see one. I had to remind myself it was hormones not my head that was talking. I think I wanted a baby because menopause is sort of sign it won't ever happen.

One other good thing besides laughing about some of it afterwards is, after menopause you will be so much more assured of yourself and satisfied with yourself and not care what people think of you. All my friends who have been through "the change" say the same thing. It is interesting the self confidence you gain.

So, hang in there, and know, it will get better. Yes, damn, we all have to go through it. But we are then stronger! Good luck and hugs!
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Ferris-- funny you should mention breathing exercises, my doc was teaching me how to breath differently about a month ago, she said I need to breath lower from the abdomen area rather than up high from my chest ( I use to get panic attacks for several years) and whenever I was anxious I could feel myself inhaling to often and it was from up high in the chest area. I am training myself to breath deep and slow from the abdomen and it is much more relaxing. Thank-you for bringing this up! Also.. I do meet with friends once a week or so for a lunch out. My mum naps for a good 3 hrs every afternoon so this is when I get out of the house and do my thing. I am just trying to prepare myself for the short dark days through winter when everything seems worse. I really enjoy reading, including self help books but I also like fiction. I also like relaxation tapes so I think if I combine the music with meditation it will be helpful. Also, it was reassuring to me when you said that my body is readjusting to the hormone levels and it will taper off, I look forward to that :-) I feel I can hang in there if I know there is an end in sight. Thanks Ferris!
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Macada - Have you ever heard of lying on your back, take your right three fingers (or anyones you have strength in), and rub COUNTERCLOCKWISE very, very deep breathing in your nose and out your mouth? Gauranteed to put you in a deep, relaxed state and you may fall asleep. I do that exercise when I have too many things on my mind and am trying to fall asleep. You have to push down hard (into your belly button and it will hurt), but it is worth it! Try it and see if it works for you. Also, try going shopping and just talk to whomever is there. You would be surprised how many people you can talk to and you will forget about your problems for awhile. My best to you!
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Thanks ferris1-- I completely agree with you about not taking HRT, drugs etc and I don't drink alcohol anyway so that is not an issue. I think sometimes I just get overwhelmed with the combination of menopause and the challenges that come with living and caring for an elderly mum. I do get out for a 45 minute walk every day rain or shine and I feel that is really helpful both mentally and physically, my next step is to learn meditation. Learning to unwind is more difficult than it sounds (at least for me it is). Also, I have more time to "think" now that I have given up my job and am not interacting with people on a daily basis and I find that too much "thinking" is not healthy. I am going to stock up on some good books as well. :-)
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I would say 99% of the lady writers on this site have menopause. I went into menopause naturally at 42 yrs. and still have some hot flashes, but I just get cool with my cold wrap from Mission which you wet with cold water then snap it three times, and it stays cold. I also walk every day 3 - 4 times per day since we have a dog and cat (yes, the cat takes a walk with us), have a Chair Gym to increase my strength, meditate, watch cartoons, watch animal programs and the HGTV International House hunter to see different locations to live. There are dozens of ways to relax, you have to find the ones that are right for YOU. It can be done without drugs, alcohol, or HRT which has been shown to increase your heart risk. You are going through the rough part now while your body readjusts to the changing hormone levels. If you can stick it out then symptoms subside to a tolerable level. Think about our foremothers who never took hormones and lived. It does get better! (And krusso, maybe the site's server is being overloaded and it needs to delete every so many days - I really don't know).
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Earthquake.. if your mum died of breast cancer than make sure you get mammograms every other year if you are post -menopausal and self exams once a month in the shower, soapy wet hand are the best. :-)
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In 2005 I lost my job of 14 years and moved to this state to be near my mother. At that time I began having hot flashes. In 2008 I had my last period. In 2009 my mother moved in with me. She was an RN. A few times I mentioned my discomfort with menopause. If I just got hot I could deal with it. She was not sympathetic. "Oh, I just got hot for a minute and it was over." I deal with feeling malaise about five minutes before the hot flash, although I've had it hang on for an hour. I have about 30 hot flashes a day and it seems I'm always having PMS. I rant and rave of various boards about various subjects. I don't think my mother really got over menopause. She was swearing at me and screaming at me and yelling how nobody liked her. I will not use HRT. We don't have breast cancer in our family although my mother died of it and she used HRT for many years.
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Thanks Janet.. I am addicted to chocolate, and ice-cream. I also like a curry dinner every once in awhile. I know spicy foods aren't good for hot flashes but I didn't know chocolate was the enemy also. Ugh. Thanks so much for letting me know!
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I know what you are going through---I was my dad's caregiver and was going through "the change"---may dad and I had some funny sayings for the symptoms---when I had hot flashes we would kid about the weather heat----the only thing I can say is the symptoms will eventually get less and less and you will feel like a new person----until then find out what triggers your symptoms---mine was chocolate and I had to give it up until I was done with the symptoms----now I can have chocolate in moderation---I hope this helps somewhat---I know that this is a very confusing time for you but things will get better---it just takes time like everything else---Janet
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This practically saved my sanity (and probably a few friends' lives) ..
"What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Menopause"
By John Lee, MD

I was in the health food store, picked up a copy of this book, read the forward and stood there crying .. someone knew how I felt! And I wasn't going crazy.

I bet the library has a copy.
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@Captain.. I was wondering when you were going to show up !! Hahahahahaha!!!
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im post menopausal thankfully.
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Veronica91.. if nothing else, your comment really made me laugh. Thanks for that! ..Long Live Boris! :-)
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Can't be of much help because menopause just happened at age 45. could not take HRT because birth control pills gave me instant migraine. Wasn't I lucky I did however have hot flashes for years so would only wear cotton next to my skin and no tight necklines. I did also only wear pure wool sweaters but that was mostly because I was working with horses and they don't like synthetic fibers. They will come right up to you and snuggle so you can easily put a halter on if you are wearing a well used wool sweater. Same thing with bedclothes, keep them light and easily taken off or put back. Keep the house as cool as the rest of the family can stand it. My life was automatically healthy so sleep was not a problem and a long trail ride through the woods is very peaceful. The winters were filled with snow and a love hate relationship with Boris. He was my huge red Russian Balarus tractor and I used him for everything from moving hay, clearing snow and dumping manure. The hate part came in because he was diesel and reluctant to work in the winter. We had to plug in his engine warmer and cover the engine with a blanket. Once he got going the cab was heated and it was fun using a 6 foot wide snowblower. Don't know what Boris had to do with menopause but if explains how I dealt with menopause. Don't know where he is now as he was sold at auction when we sold the farm
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frustrated2, correction ..that should have been you told me you "walk four miles four times a day." and I do not get out that much.
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Actually frustrated2.. when I said I don't get out as much as you do that was in response to you telling me how much you got out, so please don't say I don't know ok. You told me in your first comment that you "walk about four miles about four miles a day" and I'm telling you that I don't get out that much.
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Everyone is different. I think the question was what works for others. I really do strongly agree that balance in life is very important, so too much of anything is, well, 'too much'. And of course, if an antidepressant makes you MORE depressed then it isn't working for you!
I don't eat a lot of anything soy, but when I gave up HRT patches, I began taking an OTC form of soy and black cohosh which has helped with the night sweats. As for 'getting out as much as you do' I don't think you know how much that is! I think my point over all is that when you take care of anyone else you have to fit in some time for yourself or you will have nothing to give. I equate it to a pitcher - pour out all the water, don't refill it, and you are dry. The way I see menopause - what the experience has been for me, anyway - is just another change, not THE change. I always had very heavy, bad periods with pain, clotting and cramping. I was diagnosed with severe PMS in my 30's and when I 'toughed it out' by not addressing those mood swings, depression and crying jags, it wasn't good for anyone around me OR me. My regimen with Serafem was two weeks on, two off. I began to forget when to stop and restart, so the doctor told me to continue just to take it every day if the two on, two off worked for me. Very low dose, too. So I knew my issues were hormonal. Yours may or may not be. Or a different medication might be better. It is clinically proven that when people are placed under prolonged stress, their brain chemistry changes. Mixing constant care taking with hormonal changes is to say the least very stressful.
I am not arguing with you; I just think perhaps you didn't get what I was saying. I certainly do wish you very well. What you are doing is hard but you are attempting to make things work better for you and I applaud you.
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frustrated2 .. thank-you for responding to my question. I agree with you on some of what you said but disagree on others. I don't agree with taking an antidepressant for menopause, I was given an anti depressant once for insomnia and it MADE me depressed, I believe in dealing with menopause without meds, that is just my personal choice. Also my belief is that too much soy raises estrogen levels and my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer last fall so I stay away from soy. I do however agree with you on the exercise. I get at least a brisk 45 minute walk in every day and I am buying a hula hoop for aerobic type exercise. I can't get out as often as you do because I am caring for my mum and I don't like to be away too long. I do however make at least 30 trips up and down the stairs every day so that is good exercise as well. I gave up alcohol about 10 years ago because it gave me a rapid heart rate. My biggest issue with sleeping is the night sweats, I think I am going to buy a chillow and see if that helps.
I appreciate all of the responses, everyone has had something helpful to suggest and I appreciate it so much. It makes me feel less alone with this. :-)
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One of the best things you can do for yourself is exercise. I walk about four miles about four times a day or mix that up with other types of strength and aerobic exercise. It will help your sleep patterns and promote seratonin in your brain, which helps with depression. You also may need more soy in your diet, allow yourself a night glass of vino, and ask your GYN for an antidepressant.
I began with Serafem (yes, it is Prozac) about 12 years ago, when I was in perimenopause. They call it "Serafem" for a reason. It does help cope with female hormone changes. The doctor told me if it were hormone related I would feel better in about two weeks and I did. I stopped taking it a few years ago and waited. The 'dark cloud' hovered for a while and I decided there was no reason to feel any worse than I needed to. This time I changed to another antidepressant, which this current doc thought might have fewer side effects regarding weight gain. I really didn't notice any difference one way or the other. But I know I feel better when I take something.
I also have been coping with degenerative disc disease (terrible back and neck pain) as well as having discovered I had hyperparathyroid disease (the two tumors they removed were estimated to be about eight years old). There are many bad side effects from that including osteoporosis, mind fog, confusion and depression, heart and circulation problems, kidney stones, terrific bone pain. I thought it was all menopause and age related. So have a complete work up too. Take care. It isn't easy.
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I found a Chillow to be very helpful. You can order online, I found mine through the Hyster Sisters after my hysterectomy. Also, eating lots of juicy fresh fruit all day seems to help me. I know reducing stress helps, but that is near impossible in our situations. I had to turn to an estrogen patch for a couple of years because of the sudden surgical menopause, however, after that I found I could keep the hot flashes very mild if I concentrated on these things and at least my sleep was not disturbed hourly every night. Strangely, it seemed that if I exercised more, my flashes increased which was just the opposite of what was suggested would happen.
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Hello Macada,

I know exactly how you feel. I am in that place myself. I have been taking care of my mother who has dementia for the past 7+ years. I take ashwagandha at night and it relieves night sweats. Also tart cherry juice at night helps with sleep.

Make sure you have dinner at least 3 hrs before sleep and try not to have alcohol at night because this increases night sweat. Try to be detatched when dealing with your mother. I know this is easier said than done :) God bless you. Your reward is waiting in heaven.
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Sucking on ice can help cool off when overheated -- NOT chewing, just roll it around in the mouth. No calories! Also ice on the back of the neck. And has anyone tried sleeping on a CHILLOW?
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Is this site making "helpful answers" disappear when you click on "Helpful Answer"? Just want to make sure it's not my computer - thanks! I mean the entire answer disappears - what's that about?
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