My Mom will come live with us next week ….she is 88 and not well. My younger brother and his wife work and my sister lives away. We our re doing our house for mom so she can have some of her own space. My question is this....my siblings are handing out lots of advice but do very little to help get things ready or help give my husband some time out...I just spent 4 months caring for my Dad at my parent's home day and night while my husband cared for our 2 teen grandsons who live with us...My sister stayed away and my brother only stopped by on the weekends....So I know I should not expect a lot again, but how much say should they have in my home when Mom comes?
We have to keep in mind that while people talk, they often do not mean to be malicious. My SIL is a good person with good intentions, but she overstepped in my mind. Your family members may, or most likely will, do the same. Just keep in mind what you do and if you can sleep at night without a conscious, you are good. You are there and see what needs to be done. Others do not see the big picture, only snapshots.
I wouldn't even bother calling them with updates, let them call, or come & visit
I want to tell you something. That as her sole caretaker, YOU are entitled to be paid by the State. If her husband was a veteran, your Mom is also entitled to not only help, but she will actually receive more money each month.
This happened in our family just recently. The VA took a lot of time, but the amount I money that they paid her, and it was retroactive back from when we first started.
We actually found out accidentally. They will NEVER tell you.So, if you get a check from the state and your Mom gets that extra money, ask your friend about hiring an aid,( off the books) like a sitter where you can have a date night with your husband.
I WOULD NOT mention this to your siblings. They won't help, they don't need to know.
May God Bless you and your family
May God bless you
I am finding that when my ENTIRE FOCUS is on the welfare, happiness, and comfort of my loved one, all the nonsense INCLUDING ADVICE assumes a more natural and comfortable perspective, and I IGNORE almost everything that is said. The other POA has been helpful and conscientious about maintaining the real estate that must be sold, and I appreciate that.
The ignorant, loudly stated, manipulative, often hostile and negative comments from that POA AND SPOUSE I must take for what they are worth, which is absolutely NOTHING.
DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY get a POA if you don’t have one now, especially if Mom is clear enough to express her desire for you to have one for her.
You have my most sincere sympathy for your circumstances, because when this comes up, at least in my situation, your life long beliefs about people whom you have known and perhaps trusted, go right out the window.
The smiles and chats I have almost daily with My Dear One do help to balance out everything else.
I hope your experiences with your Cherished Mom will be a similar gift to you.
But, I just never heard it before and you stated it is important. So, I am sorry, that I even have to ask.
Thank you for your patience in answering me,.
Say, "You are invited guests in my home, be sure to act like it."