My 95y/o has been diagnosed with aggressive skin cancer with possibility of metastasis. The tumor will be excised but it's possible it has spread. Doctor has advised PETscan which would detect other cancer cells in the body but has explained that the next step could be chemo or radiation and leaves the decision with family. Any first hand experience with how a 95y/o in only fair condition would tolerate these therapies?
I have a friend whose father had a rare and aggressive tumour on his face and they did opt for treatment and he's still with us a couple of years later. But they were also willing to stop at any time if the treatment became too difficult.
She is 95, let her be, how long exactly do you think she will live in the first place?
Chemo will shorten her life, her remaining good years will be torture.
I have had my second diagnosis of breast cancer (first 35 years ago) this year.
I accepted a lumpectomy. I will not take radiation. I will not take chemo. I have had them once and won't be taking again. The cancer will spread if/when/how I cannot know.
There are indeed MANY things I will not now accept. They are all written in my advance directive. I will not fight to live. I have HAD A LIFE and a good one and I am content now to go. I would never have feeding tubes of any kind nor dialysis, nor pacemaker. I would go to palliative care and then to hospice. It would shatter me to be a burden to my family, to force them to watch a slow and torturous demise.
My family knows and is supportive.
My doctors know, and my wishes are scanned into my chart and they agree with the laws of my great state of California to avail me of MAiD (medical aid in dying) cocktail when it is judged that I may have fewer than 6 months left.
The emphasis will not be on prolonging of my life.
It will be on a peaceful journey to my death.
So that's my choice for my life.
What about your beloved 95 year old?
What does SHE WANT for her end of life wishes, because that is what she is now approaching.
I wish the very best for you all, and will tell you that this is an individual decision. She is the one with the choices. If she cannot make them, then the person who is assigned to act for her best interests, and who knows and loves her, should make those decisions for her.
People are all different.
They approach this with decisions individual as their own thumbprints.
I wish for comfort and for peace and for minimal suffering for your loved one.
I was 65 when diagnosed. I'm 66 now and alive, but the quality of my life is forever compromised.
There is no way on God's green earth I'd even give the poor soul surgery to remove the tumor.
Hospice is the kindest way to go now, to allow her comfort at the end of her very, very long life. Allow her to pass with dignity and grace. Please.
She has suffered so, and it's been hard for all of us HERE to "watch", and we're not even her family.
If it were my mom going through this, after reading about the horrors that LL1 has gone through, I would immediately call hospice and get them on board. I would never put my mom through that torture.
Cancer treatment is difficult on the body at any age, but the older you are the more difficult it is to recover. Your immune system will pretty much be tanked for a long time. Mark was having to get blood transfusions (he had end stage renal disease as well) and RBC will probably tank. It is not an easy road, and for me putting someone in their 90s through it would be cruel and unnecessary.
Is she able to make her own decisions ?
Chemo is likely too much of blow for her body to handle .
Depending on what organs the mets is , radiation can be difficult to handle as well , or basically futile .
What has the doctor said about how well she may tolerate the surgery, chemo, radiation? None of these are easy.
I have been thinking about this asking myself what would I do if I were 95 and in "only fair condition"
I am a firm believer in Quality of life over Quantity of life. I doubt seriously that surgery, chemo and radiation would afford me quality of life. My choice then would be to call in Hospice and begin to live my life the fullest I possibly can.
I found the above from a post from 2023. I would not put Mom thru anymore pain then she is already going thru. It seems pain killers don't help much.
At 95 your skin is paper thin. Radiation burns. Chemo has side effects. I may not do initial surgery. No scans, nothing. At 95 I doubt if your LO wants to be poked and prodded anymore. Hospice seems the way to go now. And seems Mom may have a compromised immune system, especially if its Rheumatoid arthritis. If so, chemo will distroy any white cells she may have.
They go from procedure or surgery to hospital and often to rehab, only to require another procedure often followed by hospitalization and rehab again.
Often it does not prolong life, if it does by few months or year with going for constant medical treatment the question is how much it diminishes quality of life in perhaps last few months/years of life?