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My mother has vascular dementia, macular degeneration, severe hearing loss, is incontinent, and is wheelchair-bound. She can feed herself, but as of the past couple of weeks is not eating much. The nurses say she's declining.


My mom knows who I am, although that goes in and out -- sometimes I'm her sister. She has an imaginary husband, and she told me last week that she discovered we're members of the royal family. I was told to stock up on gowns, but to leave the jewelry at home because “Liz" will have some for me.


I love my wacky, funny mother dearly, and like many of you, I've been kept away from her for months now. I don't want her to ever think I've forgotten her, and not giving her something for Christmas would absolutely count as that. It's bad enough we can't be with her. She also doesn't know anything about Covid,and I suppose the good thing is she thinks I still visit every week.


Any ideas what to get a 91-year-old blind, deaf, and wheelchair-bound princess for Christmas?

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My first thought was a tiara. She would be able to feel all the different jewels with fingers, and truly be the "princess" she is in her head. I think that would tickle her, and bring a smile to her face. You can find them at Clair's in the mall(usually around prom time), any bridal store and of course online as well.
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MJ1929 Nov 2020
I'm happy to say I had indeed thought of that, but couldn't think of where to get one.

Claire's! Thank you!
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A tape with a simple tape player (the old fashioned kind someone can help her set to the simple "on", with memories of Christmas recorded by you might be a thought. I had an Aunt who was old, blind and deaf but who had loved old fabrics. She would hold and "pet" an embroidered pillow in soft materials, would hold it almost as a pet, as a doll. Some love stuffed toys and the best of them come in very soft materials with floppy flexible bodies.
This is such a good question and so hard to answer. So hard to find something when so many senses are gone. My heart goes out to you and hope you find something fun. I hope you will update us when you do.
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Excellent ideas!   Funkygrandma, I would never have thought of a tiara.  The beauty and sparkles alone could bring happiness, even if the outlines and details can't be seen.

Alva, your "soft pillow" suggestion reminded me of the plethora of furry throws.   I bought some for myself and family.  My father loved his and really enjoyed and relaxed while being wrapped up in it.   

I've found that the silkiness of some, especially the thicker ones, is very soothing and calming.    These are the "plush" throws, thicker than some of the others.

One caveat, they are NOT blanket sized and will not cover both feet and head, so you can't bundle up in them unless you use two at a time.

Another thought might be a stuffed toy, a cat, or dog, or something that could be cuddled.

I think given her vision and other limitations, something tactile and sensory might be appropriate.

How does she bathe?   If you or someone else help her, some French milled soaps might be nice; they're pleasantly fragrant, based on real scents, not manufactured chemical ones.  
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Your love is the most beautiful and important gift of all.

You’ll find something. What is her favorite thing to eat or drink?

I love when my daughters buy a gift basket filled with my favorite tea or coffee and other treats like pretty new cups or mugs.
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My elder loved one rode motorcycles. When he needed a scooter, we gifted him a customized license plate for the scooter. Motorcycle sized.
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For years my kids have always given me socks. My feet are always cold and nothing feels better than new, fluffy, cozy, colorful socks on my chilly feet! There is such a variety available!

Get them to coordinate with the tiara.😄
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MJ1929 Dec 2020
Excellent! One must always coordinate one's socks and jewels!
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Does she have full use of her hands? Get her a Rubik's Cube. No, she won't solve it, but alot of Dementia patients seem to enjoy twisting them around. An abacus, Slinky, or something similar could work too.
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MJ1929 Dec 2020
Fantastic idea -- thank you!

It reminds me that I'd thought of making her a fidget blanket at one time and completely forgot about it.
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