Christmas is a season for giving to others. If you are a caregiver, what would you most like to receive in appreciation for your services?

Visits with no complaining!

Time away. By myself. Free as a bird.

Peace and quiet with no phone

Cash is what I gave both sisters, who were live-in care givers, and they were elated.
Ofcourse a card with thankful words accompanied the money.

@hellokarma

If a person celebrates Christmas they're not troubled by karma because that's not really a thing with the Christmas celebrators.
Us Jews don't really go for it either.

Hello, A good question to post.

It's a thankless job caregiving. If anyone is interested you can start by reading my first post as this sets the stage for my situation.

I come from a large family and over the years it has been two people, me and my sister, that have made the effort to look after mom after my father passed away.

We both visited our mother almost every weekend after my father passed away, My mother was more able at the time so, there was less caregiving and more being there for support after my father passed away.

As time went on and my mom's health deteriorated I spent months on end between jobs caregiving and also at times consciously decided to prolong looking for my next job to help around the house and just be there for support.
I've heard about so many suffer through loneliness and I did not want that for my mother.

I have experienced similar feeling to others in reply to this post, not being able to do things for yourself for years on end, watching your own health deteriorate whilst caregiving, watching the years go by like months, worried that my future ends here, no more travelling, no more independence, at least not without health issues making it all a lot more difficult than it would have been 20 years back. I didn't see this coming and now it's taking 20 years of my life.

I relate with feeling of being invisible as well. Other members of the family are able to enjoy their life (or at least get on with their lives), because someone else is doing the caregiving for mom. All without a shred from gratitude over the years from anyone of the siblings. It's just something that's magically being done, without a blind bit of notice from my siblings. As there's no communication between us for various reasons, there's more likelihood of viscous comments than gratitude from siblings.

I do not talk to any of my siblings now, including my sister that does the occasional weekend caregiving.

There's never a way of adding every piece of information that led to problems we have with caregiving, without sitting down with every single person on the forum and discussing my the entire chain of events, every relationship with each of my siblings and how it led this the current situation.

I would say a simple words of gratitude from my own mother are the only gift I need. I do get these occasionally. I don't expect anything from my siblings anymore. Also reading supportive replies I've had is a gift from people that are in a similar situation.

There are also the free gifts of nature, when we are able to enjoy them. That could be as simple as looking out the window at trees, birds, flowers.

Love & Peace.

I want my mom to show her appreciation for all I've been forced to do by:

-Getting someone other than me to do all the work and errands, even if it means splitting up the duties and bringing in multiple people

-Leaving me alone and letting me get some beyond overdue rest and hit the road for a few weeks. I've rarely had a night where I got more than 6 hours of undisturbed sleep and I haven't been on a vacation in almost 5 and a half years.

-Turning her apologizes for being sick into changed behavior

-Being up and around the house more than once a week

-Starting physical therapy, as well as finishing it

-Losing some weight

What I want for Christmas: My freedom and my life back.

I think you are a writer and you should write a book for caregivers! Your experience and empathy is sorely needed for all of us in the trenches.

I would love it if my brother once thanked me for moving in with my parents to caretake my mother. It would help if he said ‘thank you for doing the heavy lifting. Because of you I’m off the hook. What can I do to make your life easier? What do you need?’

Instead I feel that no one understands the nonstop quicksand hell I’m in. Like you, I’ve felt unbelievably invisible, with most inquiring about my mother and never asking if I’m ok.

I think a sincere note would mean a lot. A care basket for me with toiletries, a candle, CHOCOLATE, would be amazing. A gift card for a massage, facial or mani pedi would be amazing. But the thing I find I’m craving most is sincere acknowledgment from anyone.

I will say that I am so grateful for this community and realize that all of you understand the caretaking experience deeply. It’s been so validating. Thanks to all of you!!! I just sent a prayer that each and every one of you receive a miracle this holiday season. XO 😘

I'm not caring for anyone else, but I just came up with the sabbatical idea for caregivers who require breaks.

Good question I would like one 24 hour period "FREE" Best wishes

One year sabbatical!

NeedHelpWithMom: For the active caregiver, respite is a must, in my humble opinion. Also, consideration from siblings should be given. Just when I had lived out of state caring for my mother, my brother 'instructed' me to pack up some of our mother's items as she was headed to an assisted living facility. I thought "You've got to be joking, right?; You should realize that I am BEYOND exhausted."

On another note, I enjoy giving. Since the Novel Coronavirus affected so many family units' ability to put food on the table, our locality has started a community outdoor food pantry. I enjoy contributing to it daily since so many have food insecurity. It's called 'Caring Cupboard,' with branches elsewhere also. I require nothing, personally, but a friend and I share appreciation of one another, else how would one know that you've stocked the food pantry? "I appreciate you" goes a LONG way and not just for that application.

Time off! I've had four days off in almost four years.

I myself truly felt it an honor to care for my Mom. Not at first, but later realized God was giving me a chance to right all the wrongs of my terrible attitude toward my Mom in my earlier years. There is no gratitude I can possibly give for such a gift. The depth of that gift is unworldly and I would do this most difficult time of my life all over again. That being said, I had such a village of support. My Mom's sister brought food every week. Sometines sweets, sometimes a basic casserole. I didn't have time to do a lot of cooking, so this was immensely helpful. The sweets are awesome. The visits were joy points for my Mom too, which helped ne mentally and emotionally. My brother - same thing. Every week 1-2x week, he brought my Mom's fave foods to encourage her to eat. He always bought extra for me and others. I was quite spoiled and I felt so appreciated. More than appreciated, it often got me through. Often I wouldn't have time to eat. My brother's dinner would be my breakfast, lunch and dinner at 5pm. My husband was also very supportive. That also made me feel loved and valued. On my one day off he went with me to my horse, where we both reset. He would bring me homemade soup at my Mom's and do 10 minute stops to say hi to me and bring my Mom a balloon or just himself with jokes. More joy for her, and that helped me. Most of all I felt appreciated just knowing I was doing the right thing. If you don't have that, all the appreciation in the world is very temporary. It was a need in me to make sure my Mom was getting the best care and having the best life possible, in her last days. She was at the mercy of others, and I wanted her to be cared for and loved to the end. That is the biggest gift, wanting that for her. I wish that upon each and every caregiver, whomever they are taking care of. God bless!!!

A month long cruise? Happy Holidays God Bless You All!

Looks like time off and money are at the top for the most popular answers.

I especially love that some caregivers gifted themselves gifts if they knew that they would not receive anything from others.

My adult daughter has surprised me with an overnight getaway to a hot springs retreat. She coordinated with her step-sister and arranged for her to stay with her dad...and made all the arrangements. Because of the holidays, the retreat was booked up until the middle of next month, but it gives me something to look forward to. It will be the first respite I've had in over two years. How did I raise such a thoughtful, caring daughter.💞

My husband is in an Adult family home. Last year, I asked the manager how many people are involved in caring for him(he said 8). I went to the store closest to the home(and a large chain with many locations) that is a grocery/department store and bought 9 gift cards at $50 each. The 'extra one's was for the manager who has been wonderful...but I bet he gave it to one of his staff as an extra bonus! Wish it could be more per person...also included a note of huge appreciation for the excellent care they give to him.
Note: It's a good idea to check their policy if it is a caregiver employed by a business. It was necessary for my gift cards to be given to the manager to be distributed, which I actually appreciated.
(As a former letter carrier, I appreciated any items from my customers, but took most of them back to the station to share....money gifts/gift cards were matched in $ amount by me with a donation to local charities...the notes of appreciation meant the world.)

Simple a day off

I am very lucky! I got very run down over thanksgiving and came down with that bad respiratory virus. I didn't want to give it to my mother of course but I also hated abandoning her during her favorite holiday season. I have a friend who is a retired nurse and she has stepped in to take over with twice a week visits with my mother, who is two hours away. My mother is loving having someone to take her Christmas shopping and help decorating the house! I am getting a much needed break, though I wish I felt well enough to actually get things done here, and my friend appreciates helping someone who really appreciates her help and takes her out for dinner each time. She lost both her parents this year and I think it also gives her something to do that is family oriented. She has often come up to my mothers with me so they knew each other well already and my mother sees her as another daughter. I try to give her thank you gifts for helping every so often, not just at the holidays. I want to let her know that I don’t want to take her help and her expertise for granted just because she is a friend.

I am lucky to have some close friends who realize how much time and effort I devote to my lovely wife.
I would love for my brother and sisters to reach out more to my wife and I and maybe offer a little respite or at lease visit us occasionally. They all live within 30 minutes.
Maybe bring over some food or a small loving gift for Kathy.

It's like they want to keep their heads in the sand and act like everything is just as it has always been.

I WISH!!

I send my respect and admiration to all of you who are in my shoes.

Jamie


i

How any valuable employee would be - with a cash bonus for the holidays. If you want to also give a gift card to a movie or restaurant that’s fine if it’s in addition to cash bonus is how society recognizes valued services is by money

I'd prepare a nice holiday gift bag including some of the things people have suggested, such as: a big/beautiful thank you card; some homemade treats if you can do this or store-bought goodies, like chocolate treats, a hot chocolate "bomb" (I just discovered this at Safeway), which you drop in a cup of hot milk, some herb teas, etc. Then I would get a nice gift card at Macy's. I used to work there, and it's a beautiful store around the Christmas holidays. The healthcare worker could use it for something needed (like a sweater, pjs) or a "splurge" item, like jewelry, perfume, etc. I have not been a healthcare worker but as I said in a posting here a while back: a neighbor whom I barely knew at all had me collecting her mail and packages, sorting them all out, calling her with requested info on the mail, even opening some things and calling her, meeting periodically with her daughter to give her the mailings, etc. She gave me nothing in return for my time and good will. What I thought was going to be a couple of weeks turned into six months! I recall this time last year -- right at the holidays -- when I thought how meaningful it would have been to have the daughter drop off a little gift, even a box of cookies or candy from the dollar store, or a Christmas card. But she did nothing at all, not even a Christmas card. (I was the one sending HER a card). Depending on how much money you want to spend, you could get two gift cards: one to Macy's and another to a spa for a manicure/pedicure, or one to those stores in the mall that sell all sorts of nice-smelling body/bath lotions, etc. Appreciation is much appreciated.

Let me just add this in response to part of your post- yes there are alot of people usually fellow siblings who feel a caregiver should “give selflessly not expecting anything in return”.
I wish more people would see this for what it is, a tactic to manipulate others to believe caregivers shouldn’t be compensated or paid - and since majority of folks who say this have a personal interest to preserve as much money as possible ( one way is by underpaying or not paying the sibling caregiver) in order to HAVE MORE MONEY for their selfish selves one day. Appreciation and a nice thank you card are fine but don’t be gaslighted to believe this suffices in place of payment. Do we give a thank you card to a gardener, mechanic, housekeeper, nanny INSTEAD of payment? Of course not, caregivers are equally recognized as a service provider and the word “care” does not equate to not being paid.

As a family caregiver what I would like the most is basic respect and to stop being scapegoated and villified. I will never get these things from my mother so I am walking away.

As professional caregiver holiday appreciation, everyone's favorite color is green. If you appreciate what I do for you, express your appreciation in two ways.
The first way is with beautiful cash. Benjamin Franklin is the most handsome image there is to me. His portrait on a 100 dollar bill is like seeing a male Mona Lisa to me.
The second way is to honor your agreements with me and keep your word. If I tell you I'm taking whatever days off for the holidays, you work that out.
Don't pull anything cute like trying to guilt me into working or by thinking that I'll just watch your "loved one" and do for them on a holiday because no other arrangements have been made.
You'd be surprised how many families simply ignore the fact that they will have to make holiday or vacation care arrangements for their LO. Many agencies don't bother to either. That in ignoring it and doing nothing, the caregiver will step up and come to work.
I will not, Many families agency supervisors and clients alike have learned this the hard way.
My care business is still small and new. My clients already know that my girls have Christmas and New Year's Day off if they want it and that they will have to make other arrangements. Three girls so far are working the holidays. We're paying them double-time plus a hundred dollar bonus. The ones who aren't, it's for the families and clients to make other arrangements.

A dinner voucher at a nice restaurant would be a good gift

Overnight and weekend caregiver for a break - it’s very hard to go 24/7 with out a break - massages help and acupuncture for meditation but it’s the toughest job in the world 🌎 besides being a Doctor

As a former caregiver and house manager, I would say time off with pay, bonuses, regular appreciation, time spent talking to me about my day, and Help - working as a team occasionally.

Hypoallergenic products for sensitive skin. Gift cards at your favorite store or website OK.

Caregiving tasks are extremely exhausting and thankless work!

My late mother received a lovely Gallery raincoat for her final Christmas from our out of state family. After she passed away, I inherited this valuable clothing after My Years of caring for her!

If I was a caregiver today, I would appreciate some recognition that would last a lifetime, such as a nice handwritten card and a pretty container with a lid to hold jewelry or other things in it. A Starbucks cup with it's own lid to carry drinks on the go or store drinks at home. If too expensive, a nice vase will do.