What are your thoughts?
If you're caring for your loved one?
If you're giving up your life? You're making many sacrifices (taking away time with husband, time with kids, gave up job that can easily be gotten back.)
What if their is financial control?
Threats?
What if your treated poorly?
Criticized?
Thus the big question is, "Is it worth it?" You may end up giving up more than you may get in return. Money can't buy happiness, nor can it buy back bitter or wasted years.
Caregiving is extremely difficult even among those who have had loving relationships based on mutual respect, I would never recommend that anyone whose family relationships are now and always have been challenging take on this role.
In general spouses do not get paid for caring for their spouse. This is changing a bit, the VA is paying spouses to care for their spouse, started first, I think, with Desert Storm and may go backward but that may take a while. Check with the VA.
Parent, sibling, other relative? I think any caregiver should be compensated for the care they give. This is one of the VASTLY unrecognized groups and it should be taken into account when the cost of health care is determined when "they" give a figure.
How to compensate is another question.
A contract should be drawn up. It should include all the details you would have for any job. What you do, Hours you work, I would include what you will NOT do. And in this case, caring for someone that will decline and not get better the contract should be able to be reviewed every 6 months. AND you can elect not to renew the contract. This would be the time to request a pay increase.
Threats...
Being treated poorly...
Physical harm...
Emotional harm.
These are all NOT acceptable and would be cause to break the contract or elect to not renew the contract. This should be included in the contract at the beginning.
You do not "give up" your life. Treat this like you would another job. You worked at your other job for 8 hours a day you do this 8 hours. Then you go home to your husband, your kids. Someone else will have to care for your loved one when you are not working. Run errands when you go out for yourself.
You should not be spending more time with the person you are caring for than you are with your family.
If there are no other caregivers and this person needs more care than you can provide in 8 hours, or it is unsafe to leave them then other caregivers must be hired or the search for a facility becomes necessary UNLESS you are willing to either ..
move this person into your house to care for them
your family moves into this person house so you can care for them
BUT in either of these situations another care giver must be hired because you can not do everything for your loved one and for your family and you can not do it 24/7/365. So since another caregiver has to be hired anyway unless you can tolerate it and your family can tolerate it separate residences is best or a move to a facility that would be appropriate for the level of care that is needed.
My Mom couldn't compensate me because she had a house that her income went to to keep it up. My Mom was basically easy to care for and lived with me 20 months. I was not a caregiver. My house was not conducive to caregiving. So I placed Mom in an AL and later when the money ran out a nice NH.
As said, if the relationship was not good before caregiving, it probably won't be after. If there has been any kind of abuse, physically or mentally, then don't caregive. Don't be enabling or disabling. If capable of doing for themselves, then have them do what they can. Boundries are a big thing. Set them from day one. What you are willing and not willing to do. Do not promise you will keep them out of LTC, you never know what will happen concerning their health. And consider all the options before you take on this task. "We want to keep Mom in her home as long as we can" sometimes is impossible. It means either living with them or running yourself ragged going between two houses.
If the person needing the caring has money, use it. Either you get paid or they hire caregivers. No one should give up their future for a LO who wants it their way. If a person has a family they are priority. If a person is fairly young and has a good job, they should not have to give up credit towards SS for a LO who can sell a house and go into an AL, IL or LTC.
There are people who make great caregivers. No one, even the great ones should have to care for someone 24/7. Stop and think before you take on this task.