How can I convince my father to go to the hospital?

Where are you, Nancyb? I'm trying to figure out why he would be going to a hospital for a checkup? Usually that happens at a clinic or doctor's office in the US.

Could you give us a little more information? How old is Father? What are the medicines for? How do you know he isn't taking them? How is his health getting worse each day? For example, is he coughing more, unable to stand, not eating, etc.

Nancy, it might be time for you to start administering his medications yourself and not leaving it up to him. Just put them on a little plate and cheerily say, "And here's your dessert!" Make light of it. If he refuses ask him to do it for you. If he continues to refuse there's not much more you can do about it but at least you will have tried.

As for him getting a check-up sit him down and tell him you are worried about him and would like for him to go for a check-up with the Dr. Tell him if he doesn't want to do it for himself then please do it for you, that it would make you feel so much better. Tell him that it's not right that you're more concerned about this health than he is. Yes, lay on a little guilt. But again, if he continues to refuse you can't force him to go.

And jeannegibbs questions are good ones. How is his health getting worse each day?

One way to make an elder go to the doctor for a check-up is to tell them that their health insurance will drop if the insurance company sees they hadn't been to a doctor after a certain length of time. And without health insurance, he would need to pay the whole thing out of pockets, hundreds of dollars.

Yes, I know it is a fib, but it's a fib in the best interest of the patient.

Considering his background with cancer, heart and lung problems, maybe, he's scared of bad news. And if he hasn't been taking his meds, maybe he's scared that that has caused more harm and that the doctors will be upset with him. I know that diabetics can be that way. If their blood sugars have been running high, they may feel embarrassed and too ashamed to face their doctor. It's a challenge to convince them that the doctor is there to help and to treat them without judgment. If you can't do that, maybe suggest a new doctor. Maybe, that way he would consider it a fresh start. Just an idea. I hope he responds well.

Is it possible the writer's father has simply given up and would rather die than risk having to go through additional medical treatments or surgery?

It sounds to me like one of two things is going on. Either he's in denial or he may be giving up and wanting to die (as someone else mentioned). I know this may be very hard to accept and a very bitter pill to swallow, but if he happens to be of sound mind there may not be much you can do if he can still make major decisions.

If he happens to be losing competency due to mental decline, you could override him and have the squad come and take him to the hospital. You can have the hospital then run a blood test to check the medicine levels in his blood to see if he really has been taking his medicine. This would be a very smart move on your part. Someone mentioned delivering his meds on a plate and telling him that is his dessert, 😂 this is a very good one but he may not fall for it or any other trick you try to pull if he's still pretty sharp at least to some degree. Sometimes fibs just don't work on some people because they catch on and they're too smart to believe it. Sometimes the truth is not even received and perceived as a lie with some people, and knowing this is exactly why sometimes fibs won't necessarily work in some cases

Something here sounds kind of familiar. You said he's coughing more. If he used to smoke, or maybe if he still does, is it possible he may very well have cough variant asthma? I once had whooping cough, and I developed a cough variant asthma that way. Another thing I'm wondering is if he ever had whooping cough like I did, and perhaps he developed cough variant asthma? I read a blog board were many people who have ever had whooping cough all came down with a cough variant asthma. I must use a rescue inhaler and a nebulizer inhalant for breathing treatments. If you go to long without either of those, you will definitely start hacking to the point it becomes uncontrollable and unbearable. Now in the case of COPD, I knew someone with it, and he was actually the one I spoke of who used to be an Army medic. He smoked for 50 years and eventually developed COPD and asthma. He found out I started an inhaler and a nebulizer was definitely recommended. I took the idea to my doctor and that's how I got a nebulizer since I was already taking a rescue inhaler. The nebulizer really does help an awful lot as long as you keep up with it on a regular basis. The only thing you must watch out for is how the medicine causes an increase in heart rate. You can actually break up your breathing treatments into much shorter sessions. My friend who had asthma and COPD often did this. The only thing you must watch out for is not to expose the medicine to light and definitely don't let the medicine sit in the chamber too long. Regularly clean that chamber when it becomes empty. Another thing to watch out for if your loved one is coughing more than he used to is whether or not he's still smoking if he happens to have lung disease as you mentioned. This is very dangerous (especially if you're on oxygen). Long ago I knew someone who would turn off her oxygen just to smoke a cigarette. She really wasn't doing herself any favors, and she was only hurting herself even more than she already was. I think she may have had emphysema or COPD. COPD can also require oxygen use, there are people who do use oxygen tanks when they have COPD, and I think it's most likely in the later stages. I remember seeing all of those oxygen tanks and my friend's walk-in closet when I had to go and get him a fresh tank after his current one was empty. I bought him the tank and he had to be the one to hook it up since he was better trained. I didn't mess around with the regulator or anything, just brought him the tank and place the empty one where he told me to. He also had an oxygen making machine that takes one of those water reservoirs. He had a very long tube that allowed him to go anywhere in the house, but the only danger was a tripping hazard.

Another thing to consider is whether or not your love one may be getting pneumonia or some other respiratory infection that will cause them to cough more. I know from experience that the longer it goes unaddressed the worse it will get until you have a bigger problem and even future problems. This is how I developed a cough variant asthma after whooping cough. What happen is it started as a dry tickle and developed over a period of about a year until I started realizing what the problem really was, and when I started noticing later stage whooping cough that's when I had to get help. The downfall now is the cough variant asthma. It's been said asthma never goes away, (though it may go dormant for a number of years), I've heard of these types of cases.

Now, if your dad happens to be giving up on life, you may actually have no other choice but to enroll him into a hospice program. If there's nothing doctors can really do for him, hospice may be your absolutely last choice because by now there are no other choices left.

I just thought of something. Is it possible that the hospital may be trying to put him in a nursing home and this may be why he won't go? I remember many times my elderly friend started complaining about our hospital, but I was never there on any of his visits when he went by squad. Due to circumstances, I was unable to be there anyway. It may be a good thing because most of his trips were really unnecessary as discovered. Just keeping up with your regular treatments at home will help lessen your need for the ER, but he neglected his regular treatments. Abusing resources is very unfair to whoever was paying the bill, and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if this is eventually treated as fraud. Abusing resources is what really drains our economy (and we wonder why our country is running out of money). Knowing this is why I now wonder what really went on in the ER, and even the squad. It may also be a good thing I didn't have a car at the time because my elderly friend may have played on my lack of knowledge of what was really going on, and perhaps he may have used me for a ride to Wade Park veteran hospital, which would've been a pretty long drive, especially through a very big unfamiliar city I almost never visit. I could've easily gotten lost not knowing where I was going, which is why hindsight now reveals that I'm glad I didn't have a car. I probably would've been very naïve enough to take him to Wade Park veteran hospital (when the trip was likely unnecessary, and it would have most likely been a wasted trip). I would've been naïve since I wasn't there on any of his ER trips.

When a person becomes a "frequent flyer" as they are referred to, at some point and elderly person who frequently visits the ER becomes an excellent candidate to be involuntarily admitted to a nursing home. I'm kind of wondering if the hospital in your area may have actually had this talk with your loved one? This is a thought that just now came to me. Maybe your loved one doesn't want to go to the hospital because maybe he doesn't want to hear them mention "nursing home." This may be only one among other reasons why he won't go, have you ever considered that as a possibility? I have a very strong hunch that is a possibility because it also happened to my elderly friend until the Fire Chief and some other people got together with him and had a very serious talk when they finally put their foot down. He was visiting the hospital on an almost daily basis which became even twice daily for breathing trouble and even infections. Yes, this must have really been pretty stressful for the medical personnel. I think everyone was probably relieved when he was eventually admitted to a nursing home where he probably belonged to all along, and it took many trips and personnel burnout to finally get him there. It really makes me wonder if he was actually threatened with court ordered guardianship, and this could be the trick that worked for him and got him to agree to go to the nursing home. He actually died a short time later, so however they got him into the nursing home was actually perfect timing though a little late. I don't know how he got up to Sandusky from where he was originally placed, but he died at a medical center in Sandusky. What really surprised me is how close to home the nursing home is, which may explain why his power chair and scooter were taken away. If he had access to either of those, he would've been an escape risk since he was that close to home. I'm also surprised that his apartment was cleaned out, repaired and rented out to someone else within three days. I think the owner did this just in case my elderly friend actually did escape the nursing home, because chances are very high he would have come straight home. I'm glad there was a team effort to prevent this from happening, because quickly running out his apartment prevented him from coming back, and taking the scooter and power chair prevented his possible escape, and yes, he was an escape risk. If you think about it, who wouldn't run as soon as they got that chance? Who wouldn't run back home after escaping? I think we all would

Unless he has been certified incompetent and you have MPOA, there isn't much you can do. As the saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water...". Stop nagging him and let him do what he is going to do. You cannot stop a person from wanting to die and all the worrying about it will make you sick. Just love him and ASK him what HE wants.

My mother had cancer eight years ago, and passed on about three weeks after her hospital stay. My mother wanted a drink of water, the nurse said OK you'll have it in a minute; it was 10 whole minutes. I got my mother the water and got right up in the nurse's face saying I don't care if you're busy or not.

If he is declining you may eventually find u need to put him in a hospital. When that happens have him evaluated for longterm care or hosspice.

I'd encourage him to see a doctor, not go to a hospital. Of course, it's his life and, unless he's incompetent, you have to honor his wishes if you can't persuade him.

On the other hand, if he can't take care of himself in his current condition and he is dependent upon you, you could use some tough love and tell him that you won't take care of him any longer unless he sees a doctor (not a hospital, unless it's an emergency!).

Hospitals can be dangerous places for the elderly unless they need urgent care. Sounds like your father has chronic conditions that need monitoring and treatment. That can usually be done on an outpatient basis.

Now that seeing a regular doctor was mentioned, perhaps someone can go with this person to that doctors visit and have a little talk with that doctor and see if this person can be ordered him to a nursing home

Suggestion #1 -- Go to the hospital and speak with whomever treated him the last time. Maybe s/he can call Dad to let him know it's time for a check up.

Suggestion #2 -- Guilt trip. Let him know how much his intransigence is hurting you.

Suggestion #3 -- Pretend you don't give a s__t, but keep nagging about going to the doctor. He'll probably do it just to shut you up.

If you have a good relationship to your fathers GP you might be able to get someone from the clinic or drs office to come for a home visit. I know those might not be common everywhere, but I am unsure of where you live, so it might be an option. Also, when my mother started skipping medication and 'dropping them by accident' we decided to make sure her medication was packaged by the pharmacy in dosage bags, so that she feels less overwhelmed when it is pill time.

My mother was also afraid of the hospital because every time she went, she got bad news. She watched her husband die at the hospital she was admitted to just a few months later, so hospitals are scary. For many, it is the place where people go in and never come out.
I understand that you are worried about your father, and I wonder whether he has someone to talk to, maybe he has said something about why he is "giving up"? Maybe he is just done with all the medication? I do not know if my words are helpful, but I understand your worries. I think what you need to do is to try and establish some communication with your father to better understand his behavior. Hopefully you can get him to see someone soon.

Firstt of all i want to thank you all for caring!! @jeannegibbs i live in Lebanon and here a check up is made in the hospital , he's 50 years old and i know he's not taking them because he tells me!!
look guys, i keep begging him to take his meds, and like u said, i tell him that he should at least take them for me, he just doesn't respond!! it breaks my heartt, i keep telling him, why not? and everyday we argue about that, but he just doesn't not listen, it's like " heyy dad did u take your meds today? " "no " " why nott?!! I'm going to get them " "no i don't want to, I'll take them tomorrow. " and then he leaves.
the thing is, that i don't want him to give up, i still need my father, he can't leave , and the sad part is that he doesn't caree. I don't know why, but when i read your comments you all made me cry, it's the first time i talk to someone and tell them about my issues . But it's just a dead end, i have no idea what to do! :(

Hi Nancy,

Perhaps taking the meds thing up a notch, you can take his pills and mix them in his food. Just make sure you have enough food to kill the taste so he never catches on. Let's say you make homemade gravy for your mashed potatoes, or maybe you made soup, stew, or even chili. You can grind up the pills and mix them in any soft food, even if you must turn to your friend known as the blender. Your best bet may be to make him a smoothie laced with his medicine, or even try some juice, but I have a sneaking hunch the milk space smoothie may be your best bet. You can take two bananas and some milk and blend it in your blender. You can also crush the pills and add it to the mix. Blend it again. If you want to do it all at once, you can optionally add the pills straight to the blender mix without crushing them first. I would highly recommend doing milk and bananas, he'll never know!

Suggest to him what could happen to him if he DOESN'T go to the hospital!

Nancy what are the conditions like in your country where you live? Do you think he has see to much and endured to much which make him feel like life is to hard? If so perhaps mental health help is what he needs. Is that something possible to get for him? You can keep trying and do, however he may not respond. I do hope the best for you. Dads been through a lot. I hope things improve for him. Big hugs and keep talking its good for you to get it out.

i took all of your advices , he told me yesterday that he'll go in these couple of days, but i think he only said it because that's what i want to hear, but i hope he'll do it!

Hi Nancy, I personally wouldn't wait no two days for him to agree to a hospital visit because you never know that by then it might be too late. Call a squad now and get him there now, don't take his word for it. If you must go for medical POA and even guardianship, do it

father had a stroke 14 years ago has lung chest problems rheumatism wont give up smoking has had to into hospital several times chest infections low oxygen low blood sugar, Puts up a struggle to go into hospital fought with police put in handcuffs and had a police escort last time in hospital had a phone call last night had to go in again what can we do?

ellie23, I'm not sure what the situation is. You got a phone call last night, or your dad did? Who was the caller? Is Father now in the hospital or was someone asking you to get him there?

Nancy -- It's hard to second-guess stubborn parents who are their own worst enemy, but do you have any idea why your father is so invested in self-neglect? Depressed by loss of wife? Angry that career, etc cut short by health issues? Or is this "crash and burn" a life-long pattern?

Is he even competent? If so, I'm not sure there's going to be much you can do at this point. If not, you may summons to court for emergency guardianship and override him with that in place

Ellie, I'm surprised police do this. Where I live, you cannot force someone to go to the hospital unless a danger to someone and that is with going thru a lot of red tape.

Nancy1234, sorry your Dad is like this but if not mentally incompetent nothing much u can do. He has his own rights.