It is a lost cause getting my sister to help me with my elderly parents. She helps in no way whatsoever, but the annoying part about it is that I have resentment that she has not stepped up to the plate and done even the bare minimum. I read a quote recently that has helped me somewhat. It states "One can only be angry with those he respects". To be honest, I have lost a lot of respect for my sister for her refusal to help me, but how do I make peace with it within myself? My sister is very nice in other respects, and possibly she does not realize how hard it's been on me being the sole caregiver for our folks, (since she has never been in my shoes), but I just want to move on emotionally from my negative feelings. How do you cope emotionally if you have a sibling(s) that have left you with the full responsibility of caregiving?
The second is: And this is a question. Do you and your sister have children?
Because: If you both of you do are you giving your children the right message by learning from you, taking care of your parents now, for when you are old, and are your sisters children learning from her.Yes they are. Who do you think is going to have family that cares when that day comes for you and your sister?
Your sister is making her bed and someday she will have to lie in it as will you. I think your bed will better.
Your sister did not "leave you" with anything. She did not force your decision. She made a choice about what she would do.
I really think it makes a difference to be clear about this. You still don't have to like her decision. You still can resent it. But it is not directed against you; at least accept that. It was her choice about what she would do. It was not a choice about what you should do. You made that decision.
Perhaps the decision you really wanted to make is to provide half the care your parents need. OK, why don't you do that? It would be nice if Sister provided the other half, but that is not going to happen. So your task is to figure out how to get the other half provided. Hiring it makes a lot of sense, doesn't it?
You may be perfectly justified in your feeling that your sister made the wrong choice. We often feel that way about our siblings' choices. (Why on earth did she marry HIM? She shouldn't gamble so much. He shouldn't have left that job in a moment of anger. etc.) Mostly we are sad about their "wrong" choices. Sometimes we are angry. But in my opinion life is too short and family too precious to hang on to grudges over other people's decisions.
Clinging to resentment definitely won't change your sister's mind. It probably won't even hurt her. But it will take a toll on you.
Besides anger and resentment only hurt us, not the other person. Try to remember that you are a special type of person