My 80 year-old mother has dementia and asks me the same questions over and over until I want to scream. I usually just answer the question like it is the first time she has asked it. Should I say "remember, you asked me that a few minutes ago" or just continue to answer her questions ?
She also sits and stares a lot. If I tell her to get dressed because we are going to the store, I will find her sitting on the bed staring. If I tell her again, she gets very upset and tells me "I am getting dressed!". Dressing to go out for an errand can take two hours or more. Should I keep pressing her to speed it up or allow two hours to get ready to go somewhere?
I'd be so happy to see my too-thin husband want to eat that I'd keep the sandwiches coming, but I'm sure that is not universally applicable. In your situation perhaps you can avoid discussing what he does or doesn't remember in the immediate past, and focus on what is going to happen next. "I'm planning to make a snack for both of us at 3:30. Can you help me fold some towels now?" "It's almost time for your morning exercises. Let's wait and see what you feel like eating after the exercises." If you don't think he should have another sandwich just yet, perhaps it would help to come up with a different reason that "you've just finished eating one!"
As he improves, you can change your approach. But right now he can't remember what he did 10 minutes ago. How are you going to help him re-learn reality?
My husband's type of dementia (LBD) is characterized by cognitive fluctuations. What works in dealing with him when he is cognitively sharp does not work when he is mentally weak. I think you may be in a similar situation, in that your loved one's present state may not be his permanent state. All I can figure out to do is live in the moment.
But, by golly, please do not casually throw around words like lazy, scared, uncaring, and too busy in front of me. Until you have walked a mile in my mocasins, kindly refrain from speculating why I'm not doing a better job on this journey.
Of course there are the inevitable repeated questioning that aren't typical, and yeah .. answer like it was the first time, the touch thing is great .. so is eye contact. I often lean down and touch her knee and make sure she sees me. It's not that she really remembers the answer, it's more like it no longer matters. (Whatever works, eh? lol)
The constant repeating is irritating, for sure. I start out giving a full answer then find myself reducing it each time, until it becomes a worn out few words. If shes not too wound up, she will realize she is being a pain & try to stop. Usually has to go sit in other room & fall asleep or space out.
I sometimes temporarily distract her with watching birds or checking the mail.
My biggest concern is the fear that it is changing me! I am getting used to this slow repetetive conversation that circles around, never getting anywhere. My adult kids complain if I repeat a story one time . They treat me like I am the delusional one, sometimes! To them it's just funny, but it really gets to me .
After 3 plus yrs of living in her house 24/7 I am very tired. I can' keep track of news events cause she distorts them & adds to them so much! I try to laugh when I can. I just dont find it funny, as often as i used to.
Thanks for this discussion. At least i can vent here...:-)
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Its Like A Diease in Which pateint Think About Future & Realise that Today is Tomorrow. The Best Trick to resolve..Spend Full Time With Your Mom & Play Games,Write,Enjoy Your Hobbies.Than You Can Divert Your Mon's Mind.