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I have POA for a distant cousin. She has done the falling/rehab/respite care/home/ falling/hospital circuit since July 4. Last time she went home she fell within 4 days. I have convinced her to stay in AL for 30 days. She really can’t take care of herself, and swears she is going home January 3. No other family to take care of her and I am 4 hours away with a full time job. I swear if she goes home after all the hoops I have jumped through to get her settled in her AL room I will relinquish my POA. Any suggestions?

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If I recall correctly, her doctor wrote a letter that said that she needed round the clock supervision, yes?

Blame the doctor. "The doctor says that you need to stay in a care center until you get stronger". "The doctor says that it's not safe for you to be at home by yourself right now". "The doctor has ordered full time care for you in the facility; going home is going against doctor's orders".

Become a broken record.

(((((hugs)))))))
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Yes.. the same one. She shrugs off the Doctor ‘s orders.. “I’ll be fine by myself.. I have a neighbor to help”. Unfortunately I give her less than a week to fall and start the cycle all over again
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Well, if she falls again, and she's been warned by you that you can't/won't show up, then don't.

You need to let her know that you'll be resigning as POA and that she will become a Ward of the State and that neither you nor she will have any say over where she is placed. It's worth a shot.
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Does she have Dementia? Because if incompetent, your POA is in effect (if a Springing type). You can make decisions for her.

Like said, push the doctor thing. Tell her Dr. says she needs 24/7 care which u cannot give. Her home is no longer safe.
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I have no idea how she will get home to her condominium.. I won’t help. But since she managed to call a taxi to take her to a nail salon..who knows.The AL facility sent the taxi away, but after she threw a fit with the staff they finally took her in the AL bus.. with three helpers!!
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Dear cousin, the doctor says that you have to get stronger to live alone. You are obviously free to make your own choices and I have decided that I will not be helping you when you make decisions that go against the doctors orders.

So to be perfectly clear, if you go home against medical advice, then I will be resigning as your POA and I will not be helping you or seeing you.

I hope that you decide to take care of yourself and remain in care. I will miss you if you decide otherwise.

Love your overwhelmed cousin.
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Serenamcn18 Dec 2019
This is perfect! Thank you!
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Serena if she keeps falling she may not be a candidate for AL either. My MIL had to move to LTC when she was in AL and kept falling. If I understand your post, you have arranged for her a spot in AL in a facility? If so the facility needs to be told that she cannot check herself out or they will be liable. Maybe she needs a LTC room... Is her current home a house or an apartment? Can you start the process to sell her house so there's no where else to go? Or sublease her apartment? Lots of work, I realize, but it won't be forever. Good luck!
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