I can't believe it! They've been married for 56 years! She has mild vascular dementia and seems to be handling his death better than I am. Is that why? I don't think I could forgive her if she started seeing someone so soon after his death, and I also worry that she might be taken advantage of. She's almost 78. Has anyone else had this happen?
I've known of a few similar instances but never really thought of the situation as well as AG described it. In part I think it's learned behavior which over time provides a certain level of comfort and expectation.
I don't think I would discourage your mother from meeting new men, but keep a daughter's scrutinizing eye out for anyone who doesn't seem to be a good friend, or even a potential match. I write this not in the sense that a rush into a new liaison is necessarily a good choice, but rather than I think your mother craves the stability and validation she had when being part of a twosome. And for many women, that validation is so very important.
Unless/until you have lost a spouse, believe me, you can't even BEGIN to understand. In my case, I was frazzled from caregiving and lived with his terminal diagnosis for a year. combine that raw emotion with, when he died, to losing MY life? It was brutal. I was 48 years old. Married 24 years.
Keep mom active with friends, church, senior groups...go with her to a couple of these kinds of activities if you can. Just for a short time. She may quickly outgrow her current mindset as she watches her social life rebloom. Protect her. Encourage her. Watch OVER her finances if you can.
But try not to judge her. She is heartbroken and lost.
And she may need to grieve in her own way. Finding another man to rely on may be that way. She may be hurting a lot more than she's revealed.
It's hard to know what she's thinking. I would be supportive, particularly if you're concerned that she might be exploited by someone. She may need you by her side if this begins to happen.
And I am sorry for the loss of your father; it's so difficult to grieve for one parent while caring for the surviving parent.