82-year-old dad doesn’t like to wear clothes anymore. He won’t wear depends, underwear, pants, nothing. He has accidents and has to have his housekeeper clean his carpets. He won’t do even the slightest house work or chores. He won’t put dishes in the dishwasher or walk down the hall to take his trash out. He does not have dementia. He says that clothes chafe him. At wits end. I dread going to visit him. Today I brought dinner over and he was sound asleep at the scheduled time. He came to the door nude and holding a towel in front of him. I dropped the food off and left immediately. He begged me to stay but it was too depressing to me. I just don’t understand it and not prepared to see him naked.
If it has not happened already, your father needs a full medical evaluation including a cognition exam; a MoCA or SLUMS exam takes about 15 minutes and will evaluate his cognitive abilities and score him from 1-30 so you'll know where he stands and get a baseline. If he truly does not have dementia, you can get him to a geriatric psychiatrist for a professional evaluation about his mental health.
In our society, we're expected to wear clothing and use the toilet; that's just the way it is. If we decide to detour from those habits, a medical evaluation is the next step.
Wishing you the best of luck getting your dad a medical workup asap.
The housekeeper also doesn’t deserve the indignity of having a naked elderly man hanging around as she tries to do her paid job.
Being a slave in olden times was no worse than what (you and) your father are putting the housekeeper through. She obviously doesn’t feel she has many options or she would’ve already told your father where to stick it. I fear for the health and well being of the housekeeper.
I think I would buy him a silk bathrobe for father's day. It doesn't chafe and will provide you some comfort when dealing with him.
Everybody wins!
This sounds a lot like Frontal temporal Dementia to me. He should be seen by a Neurologist or a Neuropsychologist for a full exam and proper diagnosis.
If I were the housekeeper I would quit but not before first checking with a lawyer to see if this might qualify for sexual abuse/ (just kidding here but this is serious and he could get into trouble answering the door in the nude. )
Nobody is going to think this is ok.
No home health aide should have to endure that either.
The kaftan idea is a good one, IF you can get him to wear it.
He might have a urinary tract infection that’s causing these behaviors.
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