Follow
Share

He is independent but aging. We recently lost my Grandmother who he had to move in with a in her last day to care for her. During this period of time a granddaughter took over his home and made it unsafe and undisreable for him to move back into. Since then me and another responsible sibling had been doing everything possible to get get his lifestyle where it should be so he can enjoy the later stages of his life. The granddaughter has moral issues along with some very bad ethical issues. She steals from him and he will cover it up. I can go on and on about how bad the situation has gotten. He often tells me he doesn't know what he did to have to deal with this situation and just wish he had her out of his life. When anyone tries to address it with her she gets combative. He fears her but fears not being there for her because she has burnt so many bridges. I'm at a loss for what I can do. Its a small community and not a lot of places to turn to. Was hoping someone would read this that has been through similar situation in the past and could offer advice.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Whose child is the granddaughter? How old is she? Where are her parents?

If you'll pardon me, I find it a little hard to understand exactly what she's done. Theft is not "emotional abuse." And then on the other hand: if your father is independent, how is she "neglecting" him? In what way did she make the house unsafe? I can't quite get a feel for whether the situation is not as bad as all that, or is very much worse and warrants police or APS intervention.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Good advice from AlvaDeer about him assigning Durable PoA to someone trustworthy and responsible. That grandbrat sounds like she may have an addiction issue, hence things being stolen. Maybe she needs to pass a pee test in order to stay? Honestly she sounds like nothing but trouble and an energy drain. If family meeting nets no good progress, consider eviction process (is legal and takes 30 days and she can be forcibly removed by cops) but only by whoever has legal authority to do so. Don't feel sorry for grandbrat if she "doesn't have someplace else to go". If she doesn't stay away get a restraining order. One of my sons was a wild child and I allowed him to sleep in his vehicle when it was -4ºF rather than have him in my house. It motivated him. Job #1 is to protect your dad and his resources for his care.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You say that "a granddaughter" has taken over the home and made it filthy and unsafe. I would say then that would mean this is the daughter of another of your siblings? Sounds like time for a sibling family conference now. Is your Dad back home or is he currently at the home of his dead mother? If he is home, then the responsible siblings will need to intervene in trying to get together to get some help to your Dad in pulling the house back together again. A sit down with the grandchild and whichever of your siblings is the PARENT of this grandchild is in order, and the circumstances under which she can be there explained. That is the moral expectations and the expectations of upkeep of the house. As long as your father is willing to enable this child in her bad overall behavior, and if your father is overall not in the throes of dementia it should be noted that this honestly is sadly is decision. I would sit down at dinner out with the responsible siblings and the father, and would ask that he assign POA to one of the more responsible of the siblings, so that he does not have direct power over his checkbook. This will help in future if she wants money, as he will be able to say "Oh, honey, I am so sorry, but I don't control my own purse-strings anymore. Talk to my sons about what you can do around here to help me for a few dollars extra. Let me know if I can help in your jobhunt". Your Dad is, as you already know, at great risk of being used by this manipulative child. Give him support, frequent visits and make it overall just a bit uncomfortable for her to be there. If anyone has the space to put dad in a hand built "tiny house" on their property perhaps he would agree to sell his home for having some cash for his end of life needs, before she gets it all. You pretty much know what you are up against here but a war of words and arguments and fights will only make your Dad more uncomfortable and make him feel more endangered, so include him, move out of her range, and do your discussing in private and with great love and support for your Dad. Wishing you good luck and hoping you will update us on anything you find that actually works, because things like this can help others on the forum as well.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
worriedinCali Jul 2019
If he’s in his right mind, assigning a POA won’t take away his powers with the checkbook. POA doesn’t give the power to control someone who is mentally competent.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter