My mother in law has always been incontinent and controlling. For the past 9 years i was the nurse mate. I was expected to clean her sheets and wait on her while she visted.
She know wonts to come and stay for the holidays and stay overnight. She is extremely incontinent , non mobile and on oxygen. She refuses to wear two attends when she vists.she lives in a exclusive retirement community , in which she also, has private aides round the clock. She is also jealous of my 94 year old grandmother who lives with us. Unfortunately wheb she vists i have to ship my sweet grandmother off to stay with other family memebers. My grandmother is delightful and a huge help to and my gamily. My MIL has always expected to be waited on. I told my husband she can come for the day ans teturn home or bring her aides. Also, she will start to put the guilt trip on my husband. She will start to complain how she has to pay double time for aides on the holidays. She has the means she is not poor by any means. Due to the incontinence when she gets up in the morning her attends are soaked , egen she stands her bladder leaks on the carpet. In the past i have used rennents around the room. My house is not set up for her use. She needs help going to the bathroom. Anyway everyone says the samething she should come w her aide or just xome for the day. Trying to get my husband to understand is the problem. He does his share when she is here. I just dont know what to do. I cant help to feel resentment towards her. I cant be controlled by her. Oh yes sje uses money to control my husband.
I dont wont to subject my little to her unkindness. Please help me, my husband and i fight about this all the time many thanks
It's hard on your husband - he probably wants to see his mother and have her for a visit but knows that she's not cooperative. So maybe going to her place would solve the problem, and avoid the issue of traveling with oxygen as well as the need for additional assistance.
A more cumbersome option is to require that she bring her care person with her to help out as it's just too much for you and your husband.
I don't know where you live but when elderly people travel for the holidays, my concern is always for their safety if they're in northern climates. Cars break down, roads get slippery, you have to have a lot of extra back-up gear in case anything happens, so it really raises the safety stakes for them to travel.
And if she travels by car and brings her oxygen tanks, and if anything happens such as a traffic jam, car trouble, etc., there's always the issue of adequate oxygen. I used to carry a full backup tank when we traveled just to medical appointments, and that was in the summer.
Keep your eyelids half-closed. Keep as much nasal in your voice as you can. Hold on to the door jamb or walls for support. And peek your head out of your room halfway thru the day to extend your apologies to your MIL. Soooo sorry!!!
You're welcome.
OK, that sounds good, but ideally you should not have to resort to trickery, you and hubby should be able to find another way to deal besides you having to do all that care and be miserable for the holiday, AND, worst of all, have to banish your GM - that part is, frankly, terrible and really not right.
How desperate are you for your husband to realize how very difficult it is for you to care for his mother? This is drastic measure. I don't want to cause a problem with your marriage but how far you're willing to go.
If you're taking Grandma to the relatives, once you reach there, call husband and tell him that you love him but he needs to know how much you have done for him with regards to his mother. You are taking a mini vacation while he can have quality time with his mother. And experience what it's like to take care of her personal needs.
You know your husband. Do you think this is an option for you?
Yes, i do have a small child and at
Times she is not so nice to him.
Her daughter died 3 years ago this is why she is so angry at the world. I do fell sorry for her at times. My husband does understand so therefore, my MIL will not be coming.