My husband is addicted to sleep. He feels that he needs to be nearly unconscious every night and resorts to prescription sleeping pills, over the counter drugs and alcohol to get there. He is 75, a diabetic, and has had a quad by-pass. He is showing signs of dementia, (get's lost or forgets where he was going, get's dates confused, loses his insulin, syringes, hearing aids, doesn't remember trips he's been on or purchases made,) but it's hard to know if his symptoms are caused by Alzheimer's or the substance abuse or both. He is paranoid about being persecuted by others, collects guns and ammo and put motion detectors and cameras around our house. He applied for and got a firearms carry permit in Florida several years ago. He was arrested two years ago for making threatening gestures with a hand gun while driving and warned against carrying a pistol openly a few months ago at our neighborhood park. Recently when I was trying to help him with something he got really frustrated with me. He had a gun on the table beside him and commented to me that "if I haven't shot you by now, I guess I never will." He can be completely disoriented in the morning, but can answer all the right questions during doctor's visits, which he schedules for late afternoon when most of the drugs have worn off. He's had several serious auto accidents and often falls during the night if he gets up. He's been to the ER so many times I've lost count, but refuses to stay after being stabilized and signs himself out against doctors orders. I've been advised to have him Baker Acted, which I have done, but, once again, as soon as the drugs and alcohol are out of his system, he is coherent enough to get himself released. Does he have to kill himself or somebody else before anyone takes the problem seriously enough to get him into rehab?
Addiction to alcohol and pills, paranoia, and guns laying around the house?? It's only a matter of time before a tragedy occurs.
I'm scared for you.
You need to get away from him---better yet to get him away from everyone. All those triggers and he also owns guns---this is not going to end well.
It sounds like he needs a serious evaluation (in the am) and then being placed in a secure facility. Sadly, yes, something awful would have to happen before he's noticed. This sounds sadly like a man in my neighborhood who finally DID kill someone before the police and family could do something. Now he's serving life in prison---a life in a NH would be better than prison!!
Stay strong!! This is serious.
The hands of the law are tied until he commits a crime. The only thing you can do is to get away from him and not let him know where you are. Warn law enforcement people that he is a danger, and know that you did the best you could. I wish you could take the firing pins out of his guns or disable them in some other way. I do wish the police would find some reason to get the gun out of his possession. Unstable people should not be allowed to own one. (Legally they aren't, but proving them unstable is the problem.)
You can only change yourself. I was in your situation and I was almost killed...I got VERY lucky...you may not be so lucky. Please get away from him ... make that the first order of business. Get somewhere safe, put a restraining order on him and they will remove him from your home so you can return.
Once you are safe...then you can take action on the other things, such as having his guns taken away etc.
You will NEVER be able to make him choose to stop using, only he can do that. And by the looks of it, he won't himself. He is showing signs of alcohol/drug induced dementia...this is a very very dangerous situation.
Please please get out, before you get beaten and threatened for years like I did. Please learn from my mistakes.
Angel
Have you notified the doctor who prescribes the sleeping pills that he is taking them with alcohol and OTC pills? Even if the doctor can't talk to you because of confidentiality concerns, it seems to me he or she should know what is going on.
I wonder if there is a single prescription med that would give your husband the "almost unconscious state" he thinks he needs, without the addition of alcohol or other drugs. That might be safer. I kind of doubt he would accept that, but if the doctor ordered it ... who knows?
You are doing what you can to keep him from being a threat to others. Now protect yourself. I think you need him out of there. Maybe that would be a wake-up call that would get his attention.
I am so, so sorry for the situation you are in. For all our advances in medical science, we really don't have good infrastructure for dealing with the mentally ill.
I was once in your situation. I was so immersed in that it I didn't see it for what it was. Re-read your post. And keep us in the loop.
Good luck.
Please call his Doctor and discuss or at least tell him that your husband is combining alcohol and the RX medications. Would it be possible to go to a gun store and buy all blanks and replace his bullets with blanks? Make sure to put them in the boxes the bullets came in and then turn all ammunition in to the local police department and get all the love ammo out of the house. Trigger locks on guns can also prevent accidental discharge when a person is waving a loaded gun around and intoxicated.
Develop a safety plan for yourself including copies of all important papers in a second location away from your house. Stash a set of car keys outside where you can get away even without your purse. Keep money and other valuables in a safety deposit box or separate account so that money or lack of it will not prevent you from being able to leave when you need to stay safe.
Go to your local Police precinct and notify them what is going on. They need to be forewarned in case there is a disturbance call one day and they pull up and see your husband waving a gun around so they don't shoot first and ask questions later.
Perhaps attend an Al-Annon Meeting or see a Therapist so that you can stay safe.
If you really want action you will have to report him to the Police when he is drunk or drugged, and waving a gun around or threatening you. The more Police contacts the better chance that he will be either referred to treatment by the courts or Adult Protective Service.
My heart goes out to you...... families are the first line of advocacy for someone in trouble. Your must get the authorities involved in order for any agencies to get him on their radar.
Good luck..... I think you are going to need it.
Is there a relative or family friend who he respects or listens to? Anyone who could advocate for better health and safer behavior to him?
Good Luck
Check the Dr Phil site, he often speaks about this and has a lot of advice on his site.
Pull your important papers together, take only what is important, if you have separate checks, open a checking account in a separate bank and have your check routed there, send the statements to a friend. Most importantly find a safe place to go. Do not return unless he goes to therapy and gives up all the guns and ammo, personally I would not return. period. what you describe is a really bad situation. Best of luck to you
1. One of them is to take over the finances and take most of the finances and put them into a separate account with only your name so that he has only a limited amount to only buy what he needs. That way, it'll be much harder for him to buy drugs or booze.
2. If you feel comfortable with the task of guardianship, you can go for guardianship of him and use that to stop him from buying stuff that's ruining him. You can also use guardianship to remove his gun permits and all of his guns.
3. What I would do if I were you is set up a hidden video surveillance of your own and record everything he's doing. What I would do is take your smart phone (if you have one) and hook it up to a charger since will be a long video you're recording because you want to keep your battery charged. Now, get a very good recording of everything that's going on and take it to his doctor or whoever will listen. You can alert whoever granted him his gun permit, and if necessary you can start by taking that video to the cops and making a report. *Make sure though that you have a back up of that video in case your device is confiscated. If this is ever the case, immediately call your provider, report your phone stolen and, and deactivate your phone.
4. When your husband lays the gun down anywhere, pick it up and take it somewhere safe where he can't get to it. Make sure he cannot take it from you, and lastly, make sure it's not loaded. If there are any bullets in it, remove them and don't let him get them back.
5. Once you've gotten a good video of a day in the life of what's happening, definitely take that to his doctor and even the cops. You may also need to alert a lawyer who specializes in elder care cases. You need that video as direct evidence of what's going on so proper measures can be taken to remove the guns and take over all necessary affairs.
6. If he drives, immediately take the keys if he's unstable enough to be deemed unfit for driving. I wouldn't vandalize the car to disable it, just take the keys at the first opportunity you get. If he keeps them in his pocket, as soon as possible, secretly take the keys as soon as he removes his pants and lays them down somewhere for a shower or what have you. Don't let him have those keys back.
7. Whatever drugs or booze are left in the house, you have two options:
Dump them
Take them to show his doctor
The one who should know what's going on is his doctor. The doctor is the one you're going to need to get this information to, especially a copy of that video I'm suggesting you make.
Logistic questions: Do they own a home together, rent or does one or the other own the home. This must be addressed early in the game. You don't want to find yourself homeless if the house is his or if there's high rent that you can't afford. Make living arrangements and have a place to go. Do not try to stay in the home even if the deed is in your name only, it's much too dangerous. You can always get your home back (hopefully if there is any fairness at all in our courts). Get a lawyer before progressing - and get one who deals with abuse cases. You should file some kind of legal notice like my daughter's husband did the night that he disabled her vehicle and threw her out of the house in the middle of the night. She was in the right, but almost dead right. Don't let him file something on you. Her husband just filed an incident report stating that they had an argument and she left (lies), but her lawyer told her that it put him in a better position for doing it. Oh well I'm not a lawyer, get a good one to give you advice and get the hell out of Dodge!
Dementia patient shave shot and killed people. It shouldn't happen. PREVENTION: make the house safe. If he wants to kill himself, send him a bon voyage card.