Long story short, my grandmother was just diagnosed with dementia a few weeks ago. She's never had a good grasp of hygiene, never washing her hands after using the toilet (because she's "too clean" for her hands to get dirty) and insisting on cooking for me while she is literally vomiting.
But today takes the cake.
I have a ball python. While I was handling him, he decided to have a bowel movement, half on me, half on the floor. Gross, but it happens. I put him back in his enclosure, threw my feces covered shirt in the washer, and grabbed some paper towels to clean up the floor. Once I was done, I threw said paper towels in the basement half bathroom trashcan and walked upstairs to take a shower. After taking a shower, I walked back into the kitchen, and what do I see? The same paper towel, with the same bowel movement in it, sitting on the kitchen counter.
My grandmother is the only other person in this house. In less than 20 minutes, she had taken stuff out of the bathroom and literally dropped snake feces onto the kitchen counter where we do all of our food prep. And knowing her, she won't disinfect the counter. Hell no, I'll have to go do that myself, cleaning up a mess she made from her own stupidity.
I apologize for ranting here, but I've had it with her.
Why does she live with you ?
Grandma can not be alone . She could burn the house down . If she’s taking papertowels with feces on them and putting it on the counter , she can’t be trusted to cook safely , including using the stove .
With dementia you won’t be able to reason with her not to do these things . It will only get worse .
Since this living arrangement is not working for you and she needs 24/7 supervision , placement in assisted living or memory care would be needed. Does she have money to pay for that ? Who is her POA ?
You could call your County Agency of Agency for help with placement . They can send a social worker out to do a needs assessment .
Tell your family you are done . Grandma can’t live with you any longer , it’s not safe .
Do you have POA?
You say in your profile that you are a student. Where does grandma go when you are in class? Grandma can not be left alone.
Grandma can also not be allowed to cook.
Grandma needs to be supervised in the bathroom.
And by the way it is not her "stupidity" this is Dementia and not lack of intelligence.
You can not expect grandma to disinfect the counter no can you expect her to do other things that you would come to expect a person that does not have dementia to do.
If you can not be home with her 24/7 (and no one can expect that) then caregivers need to be hired for when you are not there. If there is an Adult Day Program that might be a great option for you and her. The other option is finding a facility that can care for her. Memory Care not Assisted Living.
And why didn't you take the snake feces outside and put it in the trash bin instead of just a wastepaper basket in the bathroom, where I'm sure the smell would have eventually taken over? And I hope that you rinsed the snake poop off your shirt before you threw it in the washer. EWW!!!
You are the one who needs to get a grip now as your grandmothers brain is now broken(she's NOT stupid, that just shows your ignorance about the horrible disease of dementia)and will NEVER get better, only worse. And she should not be left alone in your house while you go off to school or anywhere.
It's time for her children to now be looking into either placing her in an assisted living with memory unit attached or memory care facility, and time for you to educate yourself about dementia.
Currently in college with a wide breadth of knowledge pertaining to the human body and medicine (though I'm not a doctor/nurse.)
Too bad your wide breadth of knowledge includes nothing at all about the mechanisms of dementia.
You're not equipped to care for grandma, who's very ill, not stupid, nor is she safe living in your home. Please let your parents know that so they can make other arrangements for the woman.
I did homecare for a long time, 25 years in fact and operate a homecare business.
I'm suggesting a memory care facility. if she's crapping all over the place, refuses hygiene care, and is putting crap on the kitchen counters homecare won't stick around for very long.
Find a care facility to put her in and get on with your life.