I recently got thrown into elder care full force. Have been doing it for a while but mostly it's been in an illness for a week and in a few weeks things were back to somewhat normal. Dad 87 got ill during Covid - week in hospital, 2 in rehab - now home thankfully found a great caregiver for the mornings and we are working on getting him back to walking he has an infection on the lumbar. Mom, a complicated woman and will work on making everything more complicated than necessary, always has and hardly supportive in any way. I'm interested in suggestions from others dealing with elder care as a single person with not much support. I am trying my best to keep a perspective and trying to do what I can to keep my sanity. Any tips, tricks anything that you have found to be particularly helpful?
Dealing with the covid thing has been a struggle with them. I had to text my two brothers about it today. I've asked them to help me intervene. There'll likely be fireworks, but, I don't care. It's the right thing to do and lucky for me, I feel very confident when I do the right thing and they can't guilt me. lol I've already had to intervene once and even though my mom was furious with me, she later said I was right, apologized and told me she loved me and thanked me for doing it.
My conclusion is that I'm not going to continue trying to help them. I had almost gotten my own house renovated when covid hit. So......as soon as I can get it finished, I'm moving there and helping from 30 miles away. It's too stressful for me and not a healthy option. What I have discovered is that even if seniors do not have dementia, they are often very stubborn, arrogant and hell bent on things that are not in their own best interest. So, unless they become incompetent, (in which case, I'll intervene and take matters out of their hands), I'll go my own way.
Do you ever really get down being around people who are always talking about illness, sickness, pain, and stuff that needs to be done? My mom, who is also quite complicated (lol), has an insatiable desire for spotless windows, manicured yard, etc. She thinks others should be at her disposal every week. Okay, rant over. lol
So, I do wish you all the best. I know it's difficult. I have tried by doing the following: letting my parent's doctor know what's going on with them at home on their portals, talking to my cousin's hospice social worker and chaplan (I am also caregiver for my cousin who is in MC), FaceTime with my friends every week, text with other friends daily, listen to Zen music during the day, sleep with water sounds app, share at caregiver message boards, and PRAY a lot. lol
Lastly, you need to also treat yourself kindly. Make sure you get time off from caregiving to socialize with family or friends. Take care of your own health. Do things that don't include your parents that make life worthwhile.
Also, I found that going on this forum, reading articles, YouTube support vids help.
so make that #1 priority..
#2 take caregiving classes..
#3 ask for help
#4 go to support groups
#5 make sure you have fun and don’t stop talking to you’re friends like I did.
I am glad that you have your mother, in some ways, that can help. I had no one..
The most important advice I can give you is to care for yourself first, eat right, socialize, exercise, deal with your own life issues first.
And rely on experienced caregivers when ever possible, they know what they re doing and are, for the most part, honest and caring people who know what they are doing.